AMC Boogie Chillen & Friday Update
June 20, 2003

(Since many people missed part of Friday's episode due to a train derailment in Southern California, I semi-volunteered to do an update. As before, I relied heavily on quotes and am STILL incapable of writing a brief update :-)

PREVIOUSLY ON ALL MY CHILDREN

David: "I'm going to make sure that you both know what it feels like to watch your family crumble around you!"

Greenlee: "When we started Fusion, our goal was to beat Enchantment." Kendall: "Yeah, it still is." Greenlee: "When you're not sucking up to Erica." Kendall: "She's my mother." Greenlee: "That piranha will never be the mother you want her to be!"

Erica: "Opal, I think that Jack is Greenlee's father!"

PV HOSPITAL

As Erica sits next to Jackson's bed, petting him, Mary Smythe appears in the doorway, dressed in drapey black with a relatively modest (for her) necklace of mere .75"-1" red beads with some metal thingy on the end that's only about 1" in diameter. [She must feel naked without a large gong around her neck] Jack is surprised to see her. She walks over to the bed and tells him that she's been there practically from the moment they brought him in. Erica defends her territory (to Jack, not Mary), lovingly but firmly telling him that Joe has given STRICT orders that SHE is the ONLY visitor he is allowed to have. She is wearing a bright orange (or cantaloupe) colored long-sleeve [now that summer has officially arrived, it's apparently time for winter clothes] blouse and a sprayed on gray/silver skirt. She tells Mary she's afraid she'll have to go. Jack tells Erica to "Whoa" and wants to know what's going on. Why is Erica suddenly wanting to go full-steam ahead on their marriage? What happened while he was under the knife? She kittenishly says he KNOWS why. He doesn't, but he thinks that, for some odd reason, MARY does. Erica feigns ignorance and can't possibly imagine why Mary, a virtual STRANGER to her, could possibly know anything about her. Mary counters, that she THOUGHT she had told Erica that she and Jack go way back, but she must have forgotten. The tennis game between the women has not gone unnoticed by Jack. He tells Mary to humor him and tell him WHY she thinks Erica is so eager to marry him (he tosses a quick wink toward Erica, which could be misinterpreted as a twitch). Mary stammers a little and says it's because Erica is afraid of losing him. Jack chuckles, takes Erica's hand and kisses it, looks lovingly at her and asks Mary why Erica would EVER be afraid of THAT. Erica flashes a 1/100 of a second smile at Jack, then turns and stares at Mary with a somewhat unreadable expression on her face. Mary stares right back.

Erica tells Mary to stop being so dramatic. She says Joe told her that the surgery went beautiful, and that Jack is going to live a long and ecstatically happy life with HER right by his side. Mary rubs/picks at her forehead in long suffering patience. Jack looks sappy and coos to Erica: "From your lips to God's ears." Mary interjects, saying she wasn't talking about Jack's health, but rather that this is a clarifying moment, given their tempestuous history of breakups and misunderstandings.

Erica, still clutching Jack's hand, turns to her and sweetly cold, eye's fluttering and fingers to her OWN forehead, asks Mary how on EARTH she would know ANYTHING about Erica's relationship with JACK. Anyway, as Mary can see, they ARE back together -- they ALWAYS GET back together. She turns back to Jack to bestow a brilliant smile upon him. Mary calmly says she KNOWS that, but Jack's brush with death served as a reminder that Erica could lose it ALL in the blink of an EYE! Erica turns back to her, eyes squinting slightly, and tells Mary that she thinks she needs to RELAX. Jack is looking perplexed, not unlike an elderly man who isn't quite sure where he is [he reminds me a little of Phil Hartman's portrayal of Reagan]. Erica turns back to pet Jackson, but is clearly preoccupied with her next strike. Meanwhile, Mary grandly apologizes for being morbid -- she just thinks Erica is taking him up on his proposal and seizing the moment before Fate or some act of nature intervenes. Erica turns back to Mary, lets go of Jack and informs her that time really IS up -- she tries to hustle her to the door and plans to step outside with her for just a moment. Mary resists and says she needs just one moment with Jack first. She asks Erica: "You don't have a problem with that, do you, Love?" Erica tosses a worried, assessing look toward Jack, then a leery one toward Mary, who calmly waits for an answer.

Erica tells Mary that Jack is in INTENSIVE CARE -- doesn't she UNDERSTAND that? He isn't UP for reminiscing. Mary promises to keep it short and very sweet. Erica says she's already explained about visitors before -- not even Reggie or Bianca are allowed to visit him right now. Mary, arms crossed, asks Jack if he gets the impression Erica is not willing to leave her alone with him. He continues to look slightly vacant as he looks toward Erica, who is apprehensively waiting for his reply. He doesn't give one. Mary says she'll come back another time and she's THRILLED he's okay. He pulls Erica's hand closer and looks deeply into her eyes, saying: "Well, then, that makes three of us!" He changes tack then and asks Erica if he knows who his blood donor was. Erica purses her lips in non-answer. Mary picks at her cheek and says it wasn't HER -- she gave blood, but wasn't compatible. Oh, but he would have been so touched to see the overwhelming response to Erica's televised plea. Mary: "Even Greenlee, my daughter, who never --" Erica shows Mary the hand and says that her time really IS up and she'll walk her out. Mary bids adieu to Jack and the ladies leave. Jack vaguely tries to fathom what's going on between them.

Outside Jack's room, Erica demands to know just what Mary thinks she's doing. Mary asks what Erica IMAGINES she's doing. Erica: You're angling for the biggest mistake of your LIFE!" Mary: "What mistake is that?" Erica: "I refuse to play your twisted little guessing game!" Mary: "You're the one who's talking in circles." Erica: "No, I'm the one who's going directly for the truth!" Mary: "And that truth is?" Erica: "The truth IZZZZ that this miracle donor is Greenlee, your daughter. And I figured you'd want to cash in on that, use Greenlee to get Jack's gratitude all hot and heavy so that you could lure him back into your life." Mary gives her a grim, mirthless smile. Erica: "But this goes much deeper than that, doesn't it?" Mary fiddles with her necklace and says: "Hmmm. MUCH deeper." Erica: "The connection that you are dying to play is not your connection to GREENLEE but Jack's connection to Greenlee, right? Greenlee is Jack's daughter." Mary leans forward and confidently confides in a "Duh!" manner: "Yes, Erica, Greenlee IS Jack's daughter." One corner of her mouth quirks up with some actual mirth.

Mary walks behind Erica and says: "Greenlee is a lot like Jack, don't you think?" Erica looks toward heaven for strength. Mary says Greenlee is smart and funny and unlucky in love. Erica points out that Mary has never said anything over all these years. Mary says she didn't even tell Rodger -- he always thought of Greenlee as "OUR mistake", but SHE never felt that way about her. Erica assumes she cheated on Rodger. Mary says no, they married that summer -- that was one tragedy in their life -- not telling Jack was the other. Erica wonders what possessed her to turn her back on her baby's father. Mary says she was naive, it was a summer romance and Jack was a LIFEGUARD, of all things! Erica: "And you thought he was broke and smelled like chlorine. So you chose money over love." Mary: Wasn't that simple. And who the hell are YOU to judge ME?" Erica holds up a placating hand and says she's only trying to understand exactly where this is coming from. Mary says she was married and had a name and reputation to uphold -- now her husband's dead and, at this stage of her life, she doesn't really GIVE a damn what anyone thinks! Erica doesn't buy it: "I see. So, according to YOU, this is the perfect time for you to unload your GUILTY, DIRTY little secret? 'Congratulations, Jack. You have a daughter.' Only the announcement is about 25 years too late." [30, but who's counting?] Mary maintains that it's STILL wonderful news and she think's Jack deserves to KNOW. Erica: "There's YOU. Oh, I'm sure you have already imagined the -- the tears of JOY running down Jack's face, his heart filled to BURSTING with love for Greenlee! OVERWHELMED by his memories of your summer romance all those years ago, he just allows the lost years to fall away, and you and Jack and Greenlee are united as a FAMILY. And of course, he forgets about ME and our engagement." Mary raises her eyebrows and says: "Stranger things have happened." Erica stares calculatingly at her.

Erica accuses Mary of being deluded and asks if she honestly thinks Jack is going to fall at her feet. Mary says she's not that naive. Erica walks away from her and says she think she IS. She heaps praise upon Jackson and his warm heart and says that he WOULD have showered Greenlee with love and affection, had he KNOWN, but MARY deprived him of that! She turns back to Mary who smiles and says she knows what she did. Erica doubts it -- Jack is not some paperback romance novel that you can put down and just pick it up again! Mary says SHE knows Jack, too. Erica: "YOU don't know JACK!" She stares Mary down and gets in her face, saying: "Jack is such a warm, such a caring man, and he LOVES me with all his HEART! Now, if you tell him about his DAUGHTER, the daughter he was never PERMITTED to love -- in his condition, that could KILL him!" Mary asks if that means she's not supposed to tell him because it would hurt HIM ... or HER? She waggles a finger at Erica and teasingly asks: "Come on, Erica, be honest, now. You're not scared for JACK -- you're afraid that you will have to take a back seat to Jack's new FAMILY." Erica says to forget about HER -- what about GREENLEE? Mary looks away and says she thinks Greenlee will be thrilled. Erica doubts it: "Oh, really? Thanks to you, she spent her LIFE trying to earn the affection of a man who didn't love her. You really think that Greenlee's going to FORGIVE you?" Mary says she'll come around eventually. Erica: "I don't think so. She's just like you." Mary: "So she'll hate me twice as much as she already DOES. It's a small price to pay for finding out who her real father is and getting the love that she's missed out on all these years." Erica huffs at Mary's delusion and holds up the hands, telling her that it is WAY too late for this fantasy family of hers -- Greenlee is too old to be pushed in a pram or build sandcastles. And, anyway, who does Mary think she IS? Mary uses her hand to express herself, chinning it and waving it around as she tells Erica: "Erica, as hard as your ego wants to deny it, once upon a time, Jack loved ME. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with ME. And though years may have passed, but you don't forget a love like that." Erica: "Jack forgot. And if what you say is true, that you care about Jack, then you will take this dirty little secret of yours to the GRAVE." Another stare-off ensues.

FUSION

Simone gets off the phone and chortles over pulling another coup for the company, telling the girls that they'll never BELIEVE what just happened! Greenlee: "The Sisters of Perpetual Lawsuits have accepted you as a novitiate?" That was "Smudge" on the phone. Smudge is a tiny chain of cosmetic boutiques in Manhattan. Apparently Fusion's "Sexiest Man in America" campaign has created MONSTER buzz in Manhattan [BWAHAHAHAAA!!!!] -- young women are clamoring for FusionEYES, FusionLIPS, FusionBODY! Smudge wants as much product as they can ship by the end of next week. Greenlee turns white at the thought of next week. Mia begs Simone to tell her that she didn't make firm commitment (she did) -- their inventory is practically non-existent at the moment because of all the free samples they've been handing out to promote the contest! There's NO WAY they can restock and deliver the product in the quantities required by NEXT WEEK! Simone: "No, sure we can! We'll just fire up Kendall's cauldron!" [OMG, I can hear more lawsuits on the simmer right now]. Kendall waves her arms for attention and says they can solve the crisis in one phone call to her mother. Greenlee clearly doesn't THINK SO -- she jests about a Florida housewife helping them out. Kendall clarifies that she meant Erica. Greenlee tells her to call the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines -- SHE is going to call Smudge and tell them that they can't deliver. She picks up the receiver, but Kendall rushes over and yanks it, vying for control. She says if Greenlee does that, she'll be prying the phone from Greenlee's cold dead hands! [I think the line was flubbed because Kendall said that GREENLEE would be prying it from GREENLEE'S cold dead hands -- a neat trick for a corpse]

The girls continue to yank the receiver back and forth as they bicker about filling the order and Kendall selling her soul to Erica for a case of lipcolor. The phone finally goes back on-hook as Kendall TRIES to explain that Enchantment's manufacturing facilities could make up a new batch, and in return they can offer Erica-- Greenlee: "Erica demands four pounds of firmed and toned flesh -- make that three pounds and gristle-on-a-stick [referring to Kendall]! You'd never recover from this, Kendall, and neither would Fusion!" Kendall argues. Greenlee points out that if Kendall goes desperately crawling to Erica and begging for her help, Erica will use it against her and let every single supplier know about it! Kendall: "Who said anything about crawling?" Greenlee: "Oh, not THIS Chiquita. If I was suffocating and Erica was a tank of oxygen, I would suck exhaust from a TAILPIPE before I would beg for her help!" Mia and Simone wisely take a moment to go eat leftover Chinese noodles from Jade Garden and avoid some of the fallout. [Good idea, Simone, your ass is getting flat -- EAT something!]

Kendall and Greenlee calm down a little. Kendall tells her that Greenlee's problem is that she's letting her grudge against Erica get in the way of Fusion's business. Greenlee, hands on hips, walks over and says that Kendall is letting her mother/daughter fantasy cancel out her common sense -- Erica is NOT going to cut her any favors! Greenlee: "Is that why she cut you off like an ugly wart at the hospital?" Kendall defends Erica, citing her stress over Jack. Greenlee: "And you were there to give blood. But opening a vein didn't give you any family privileges (...) And God forbid tragedy make her human long enough to reach out to the warmest body, which happened to be YOU, her firstborn." Kendall says Erica wasn't herself. Greenlee: "She was CLASSIC Erica! She was self-absorbed and judgmental." [Pot, Kettle] Kendall continues to defend Erica, saying that people say things when they're upset. Greenlee counters that MOST people then apologize and take their words back, but Erica meant EVERY hateful word! Greenlee: "You should have heard Shrieka's whole diatribe!" Erica had gone on raging after Kendall had left. Kendall says she's sure Greenlee joined the chorus. Greenlee denies it, saying she was on a roll and she BLASTED Erica for treating Kendall like she's not her DAUGHTER and had dared her to give Kendall a second chance and stop pushing her aside. Kendall asks what Erica said. Greenlee presses her lips together to keep from saying anything, then turns away and says it doesn't matter. Kendall demands to know. Greenlee turns around and sympathetically says: "That she's not your mom." Kendall doesn't believe her. She's going to call Erica and she'll come THROUGH for her -- she'll PROVE to Greenlee how wrong she is! She grabs her purse and stomps out [I thought she was going to CALL Erica]. Greenlee watches her go, knowing she can't stop the upcoming face-off. She walks off to another room in resignation.

Mia and Simone return from the break room [aren't ALL their rooms break rooms?] using chopsticks to eat noodles from cartons [well, SIMONE eats it -- Mia just PRETENDS to, putting about 1/2" of a noodle into her mouth, then letting it slide back into the carton; she spends a lot of time poking around it without actually pulling anything out]. Simone asks if Mia happened to mention the case of mistaken identity with the US article. Mia says she figures Greenlee will find out when it hits the stands. Simone obnoxiously laughs about how Greenlee will absolutely FLIP when she finds out. She gets serious and asks Mia if she's mad at her, because she's been a little distant today. In between letting noodles slither back out of her mouth, she assures Simone that she's NOT mad at her. Simone thinks that's good, because Mia NEEDS her to help pull her back from doing whacked-out things like kissing Tad on the beach. Liza walks in and asks Mia if she kissed TAD.

Mia asserts that she DID kiss Tad. She quips that his lips have a lot of mileage, but they're no worse for the wear. Simone cackles and says that's GREAT -- Tad scores 3 stars out of four, huh? With salacious glee she practically nudges Mia off the edge of the desk she's sitting on. Liza wants to know who kissed whom. Mia says their lips just sort of met in the middle. Liza stammers and Mia figures out that she wants to know who put the moves on whom. She matter-of-factly accuses Liza of being jealous, all the while slopping noodles back into the carton. Liza walks over to straighten some papers and says that's ancient history! Mia reminds her that she and Tad were locking lips just a couple of months ago. Liza: "So?" Mia asks if that isn't part of the reason her marriage tanked.

Greenlee walks across the room and over to the elevator. Kendall steps out of it, returning from wherever the hell she went. Greenlee assumes Erica gave her the busy signal. Kendall says no, Val said Erica was at the hospital with Jack. Greenlee tells her to take it as a sign -- they'll cook up ANOTHER way to get the cosmetics. Kendall: "Greenlee, why are you so hellbent on keeping me from my mother?" Greenlee: "Because if you give her an inch, she'll DESTROY you! Take it from someone who KNOWS."

Kendall wants to move onto another topic -- this lecture series on the mothers from hell is getting really old. Just because Mary sharpened her fangs on Greenlee doesn't mean-- Greenlee insists this is NOT about her mother. Kendall agrees -- it's about Erica; Kendall FINALLY has a shot at having a relationship with her, and Greenlee can't STAND it! She walks away. Greenlee throws up her arms and says: "Oh, PLEASE!" Kendall walks back to face her and asks why she can't just give it a rest and let her be happy for FIVE SECONDS! Greenlee says it's because the Marys and Ericas of this world resent their daughters ... for WHATEVER reason: competition, youth, beauty -- they remind their mothers of everything they USED to be -- all the promise and romances that have passed them by. Greenlee: "But they can't let go, Kendall. They're running backwards. Year after year, they keep chasing an endless summer when it was all just a nonstop round of clam bakes and firelight kisses and midnight swims in the moonlight. They don't want US, Kendall. They want to BE us!" Kendall concedes that might be true about Mary, but not Erica. Kendall feels sorry for Greenlee. Greenlee wonders why she even bothers. She takes one more stab at it though and says: "No, no, no, no! You want to know why? Because you don't GET it! You don't NEED the families that you're born into. You have me and Simone and Mia, and we LOVE you, Kendall! I don't know WHY, but we DO! Let US be your family!" Kendall says that's very nice and sweet, but it's just not enough. Greenlee (again) gives up. Kendall says she is going to go to the hospital and SHOW Greenlee that she's wrong. Greenlee: "I don't BELIEVE this! You're going to drag your bony butt to the hospital, RUB on Erica's leg and MEW like a love-starved CAT!" The elevator arrives and Kendall steps into it [revealing that there are 5 floors plus a basement]. She calmly tells Greenlee that she's going to go to the hospital and present their situation vis-a-vis the cosmetics crunch and ask for her help. Greenlee holds the doors and asks WHY Erica would lend the COMPETITION a helping hand. Kendall stammers a bit before saying: "Because she loves me." Greenlee seriously tells Kendall that she has to give UP on this SAD little PIPE dream. Kendall says fine -- Greenlee is welcome to come with her and watch. Greenlee doesn't particularly want to mop up after her, but steps into the elevator anyway.

Meanwhile, back in the office area, Liza reminds Mia that she and Adam were in BIG trouble well before Tad's kiss came along. Mia reminds HER that Tad's kiss reminded her that she couldn't even REMEMBER the last time she sang in the shower or was happy just because the sun was out that day and that's all it took to make it a good day. That and the fact that she might run into Tad again and might accidentally-on-purpose run into his lips again. Liza goads her: "Is that what Tad does for YOU? Takes you back to your HAPPY place?"

Mia lazily informs Liza that she doesn't need a guy in her life. Whether she's happy or miserable, it has nothing to do with Tad Martin. Liza: "You sound a TAD defensive." Mia insists that whether he's the cream in Liza's coffee or the fly in her soup, it doesn't matter to HER. Liza asks what he is to HER -- a fill-in for Jake? [Not if he uses a condom] Mia, walking and talking so lazily that I'm surprised she doesn't fall into a boneless, unintelligible heap, says Tad is NOT a stand-in for Jake, and SHE is not a stand-in for Liza -- they just EXIST in their own time warp. Liza says it hasn't even been a YEAR since he lost Dixie [then why did everyone converge on Tad's house a month ago to mark the anniversary of her death?] Mia asks what Liza is really saying. Simone helpfully interjects that Liza was saying that Tad isn't really ready for anything meaningful for deep. Liza says that Dixie was the LOVE of Tad's LIFE. Mia assumes that means that she's not good enough to walk in Dixie's sainted footsteps. Liza says that is NOT what she's saying -- she's just saying that the timing is wrong for BOTH of them. Mia says that is SO **NOT** for her to SAY! Liza says she's been where Mia is and she's telling her: "DON'T DO IT!" [Liza is coming off as jealous and judgmental, which doesn't go over well with Mia OR me] Mia asks if she, her big sister, is giving her an ORDER! Liza says she can take it anyway she WANTS -- but SHE doesn't want HER going anywhere NEAR Tad Martin! Mia smiles, pouting her lips and staring.

Mia shuffles across the room and scoffs at Liza, accusing her of actually STAKING HER CLAIM! Liza says she's absurd, and she just CARES about her. Mia: "Oh, you think that big, bad Tad is going to do me some damage, huh?" Liza: "Without meaning to." Mia: "Liza, Tad can't hurt me -- I've developed an immunity to Toxic Guy Syndrome. [I SERIOUSLY doubt THAT] Liza tells her to stop treating this like it's some nasty little joke. Mia gets hard-eyed (and yet teary-eyed) as she says that's JUST what it is -- Cupid's going to shoot one of those NASTY little DARTS, it's going to BOUNCE right OFF of ME! Liza tells her to do them both a favor -- don't test her beautiful little theory -- NOT with Tad Martin! She picks up her purse and stomps into the back room.

Mia, of course, IMMEDIATELY calls Tad's cellphone and leaves a voice message telling him Liza just found out about the kiss and has ordered her not to see him. Is that Liza's idea -- or HIS?

BJ'S

[In the background, a clock on the wall shows 6:45 (presumably pm) -- OMG, an actual TIME in PV!] David, sporting a heavy growth of beard, had just told JR to leave Laurie alone. Jamie yells at him, telling him to "GET OUT OF MY FACE, MAN!" David again tells him to get away from Laurie. Jamie asks what his problem is -- this is PERSONAL. Laurie tells him it's okay. Jamie disagrees. He asks David where he gets off butting into HIS business! David says he cares about Laurie. Jamie: "Since WHEN?" Laurie orders Jamie to let it go. He says no -- that David is acting like he OWNS her! Laurie: "No, that's what YOU do, Jamie." Jamie whirls back to her in disbelief: "WHAT? Are you SERIOUS?" She says David is just looking out for her and being a friend. Jamie turns back to David and says Dr. Evil doesn't HAVE any friends -- HE knows the body count and the lives David has ruined! He jabs his finger at David and says he doesn't want to EVER want to see him near Laurie again! David grabs Jamie's pointing finger and, gritting his teeth, viciously says: "Just what the world needs, another BIG MOUTH MARTIN!" He jerks Jamie's hand and asks him if he wants to check out what kind of man he REALLY is -- is THAT what he WANTS [he's going to have sex with him?]? Behind him, Tad coldly tells him to get his hands off his son.

David turns to look at Tad, then shuffles over to him, saying: "You don't have to worry about anything now, Jamie. DADDY'S here to protect you from big, bad Dr. Evil. Tad grits his teeth and asks why the hell Jamie would need protecting. David says he should be proud -- his kid is chip off the old BLOCK! Tad asks Jamie what the hell David is ranting about. Jamie grits HIS teeth [he IS a chip off the old block] and says he was having a PRIVATE conversation with Laurie. David suggests that Jamie needs to work on his CHARM, because instead of swooning, Laurie was close to tears! Laurie says she's fine and wants everyone to just forget it. David refuses to do so until Jamie apologizes for getting in her face. Tad swats at his arm and says that whatever the kids were talking about has NOTHING to do with HIM. Jamie: "That's what *I* said!" David scoffs at being double-teamed by Martin Men -- maybe he should call Joe and Jake and get THEM in on this -- right or wrong, life or death, they always stick together, don't they?

BJ's manager, Mr. Hanks, finally gets in on the incident and reminds Laurie that she has customers waiting. She apologizes and gets back to work. He asks the "gentlemen" if there is a problem. David points a finger at Jamie, who is still standing belligerently, arms crossed, and accuses him of harassing Laurie -- he wants him THROWN OUT! Tad says DAVID is the one who is getting violent -- why doesn't HE leave? Mr. Hanks puts up a quieting hand and asks them to just lower their voices and take their seats. David: "Why don't you go back to your FRY vats and your SHAKE machines?" Mr. Hanks: "Sir, I'm going to ask you to LEAVE!" David: "Oh, is that the new BJ'S policy -- no shoes, no soul, no service?" [FAC BJ on: Why yes, that IS our policy -- GET OUT! BTW, that's our POLICY -- our MOTTO is: Warm, Wet & Creamy -- MMMMMM, That's Tasty! FAC BJ off] Hanks asks if he has to call the police. David: "Whatever makes you feel like a MAN!" Hanks says that's it and strides over to call the fuzz. David struts around, loudly asking all the customers whatever happened to "the customer is always RIGHT?" Tad says that whatever the problem was, it went out the window with David's self- respect. He gets in David's face and says that if he has some kind of delusional problem with Tad or Joe, bring it on, but don't EVER take it out on his SON! Jamie is right behind him looking like a bulldog. David: "You mean the way you took it out on my daughter?" Tad: "That's your bizarre FANTASY. I'm not going to go there with you." David: "Go where? DIXIEland? LOVE in the afternoon? Your WIFE in my BED?" Tad pulls back and may or may not have been about to throw a punch. Jamie pulls at him and says it's okay. Tad, though, is still calm and tells Jamie it's okay. David: "No, it's NOT okay, Jamie. You see, when your father here ran out of steam, his wife came running to me. And Tad just couldn't take that. I didn't take her away from you, Tad. Dixie came RUNNING to me. She was running as FAST as she could to get into my bed away from you!" Tad: "Let's not do this here." David: "No? Why not? Huh? I mean, this is a FAMILY restaurant, isn't it? It's all about Family Values!" He yells to the crowd of about two customers [it's 6:45pm -- where IS everybody?]: "Excuse me, everybody! If you could stop shoving your FACES for one moment, I'd like to share one thing of interest to all of you. My name is Dr. David Hayward, and I SLEPT with this man's WIFE!" Tad: Oh, my God. Customers murmur. David: "And all this time, he has been dying to get back at me. Well, he finally did get back at me. You see this man right here, Tad Martin? He KILLED my little girl! Tad turns to Jamie and says: "We're leaving." Unfortunately, they have to get past David to do so since he is now blocking the doorway. David hauls off and slugs Tad in the belly, then contemptuously shoves him away, knocking him into a table. Tad goes down and David hops around waiting for more.

In a VERY surprising move, David yanks Jamie around and wallops him HARD across the face, sending him sprawling onto a table. Tad gets up, swings, but misses. As he goes off balance from missing, David gets him in a chokehold. The police (and Anna) arrive and they (and Jamie) try to pull David off of Tad. They aren't trying very hard, though. In fact, they just seem to be posing with their hands on David. Anna finally gets David to stop by yelling at him. Tad drops to the floor like a stone. Tad asks Anna if she doesn't think it's time to slap the cuffs on her ex. David now being held/posed with the cops, says: "Oh, that's GREAT. Lock me up! Let the Martins roam the streets, KILLING BABIES!" Anna points at David and tells him she wants to talk to him outside -- NOW! She stomps out and he wearily follows. Tad, Laurie and Jamie mill around trying to regain their composure [well Tad and Jamie -- you can't tell with Laurie].

Jamie tosses off Tad's help in the "I'm fine" dept, walks over to Laurie, grabs her arm and tells her that Hayward is bad news and he doesn't want her to see him anymore. Laurie: "ExCUSE me?" He says he doesn't want Hayward hurting her anymore. She huffily reminds him that he JUST told her that he was moving on, so he has no RIGHT to tell her who she can or can't see. Jamie stammers. She says it's HER life and can do what she wants with or without his okay! Tad interrupts: "He's RIGHT, Laurie." She chastises Tad, saying Dr. Hayward just lost someone he loves. She knows how that feels, so if he needs her, she's going to be there for him!

Meanwhile, outside BJ's, David sits on a bench with his face in his hands. Anna paces and sighs. She's only been back on the job for a few hours and already Aidan has trashed his motel room and David has created a public disturbance. Anna asks if he started it. David says he wanted Tad to know how he feels. [I want to know why BJ'S is suddenly in the middle of a bustling downtown with horns honking constantly, echoing loudly in the valleys between the vast expanse of skyscrapers -- if it's THAT busy, why doesn't anyone ELSE walk by on the sidewalk? The horns are very distracting and TOTALLY unnecessary!] Anna thinks Tad knows, but David disagrees. He again talks about how Tad never held his baby, watched her smile, etc., and certainly didn't have to stand there while his baby girl was lowered into the cold, dark earth! Anna: "So what if he HAD suffered like we have? What would that do for YOU, David? Would that bring Leora back? Take away your pain?" He glares at her.

Anna, amidst the honking horns, says she wakes up in the morning and there's this big black PIT that she could fall into -- she doesn't know how she makes it through the day -- at ALL. She goes through the motions of getting dressed and doing her hair. She doesn't ask questions that she doesn't want to know the answer to -- she just keeps going. David: "Yeah, I get it. You just go on like Leora never existed, right?" Anna turns to him and says: "You CARRY on. You CARRY on WITH the love that that little baby gave us. And using her DEATH as an EXCUSE to lash out in HATE -- that is an INSULT to her memory, David! It's not going to make your life any easier." David says it's HIS call to make, not hers. She says she's just telling him. She sits down next to him. They both sigh and sniffle. She says she wakes up every day and spends all day knowing that he blames HER for that baby's death. That's okay and she can cope with it. She is SO SICK of crying! What she CAN'T tolerate, however, is HIM going after the Martins for something that they didn't DO. If he persists, someone's going to put him in jail, and he's looking right at her! [Well, back on the job for one day, and she's already back to arresting, almost arresting or threatening to arrest David. THAT didn't take long.]

Inside BJ's, Laurie continues to rip Jamie a new one as he continues to warn her about David. Anna, who has walked back in, overhears. She tells them she talked to David. Tad guesses she's not going to arrest him. She says she's going to ask that Tad not press charges [what about JAMIE pressing charges?]. She's asked David to stay away from Tad and his family or else she'll put him in jail [yeah, like THAT'S ever stopped him!] Tad glowers and says: "With all due respect, I don't think a slap on the wrist and a warning from you is going to stop him. Do you?"

Leaning against the bar, Anna tells Tad: "I'm NOT going to be David's WATCHDOG" Tad: "Fine. So how about you do your duty?" Anna grits her teeth so hard I'd be surprised if she didn't crack some teeth as she spits out: "I DID do my duty!!! I TOLD him to STAY out of trouble." Tad: "What if he doesn't?" Anna: "I don't know. God help us." Tad walks away.

[Is it just me or does anyone else think that God has been invoked a LOT lately?]

PV CEMETARY

David squats and talks to Leora's headstone: "Don't worry, sweetheart. Your Daddy's not going to forget the promise he made to you. This is not over. There's going to be hell to pay." [Oh, nice language to use in front of a BABY!] He looks very haggard as he sighs heavily and looks heavenward.

PV HOSPITAL

Mary walks behind Erica to look at Jacks' door and says that whether she tells Jack about Greenlee or not, it doesn't really concern Erica. Erica, arms crossed, says that OF COURSE it concerns her -- EVERYTHING about Jack concerns her -- they're engaged to be MARRIED. Anyhow, Jack will HATE her. Mary steeples her fingers and says she thinks SHE'LL let JACK decide how he feels about her. Erica looks thoughtful, then looks like she's hatching a plan. She turns to Mary and shows her the hand (AGAIN) and tells Mary that she thinks her behavior is BIZARRE. She shows up at Erica's fiance's INTENSIVE CARE UNIT, announces that she wants to take him AWAY from her and that she plans to use her daughter to DO that. Erica: "I mean, what do you expect to GAIN from all this? What kind of a LIFE would that be for you? You expect to have a life with a man who has never truly loved anyone but ME?" Mary shrugs it off and sardonically says: "Message received. I'm fooling myself." Erica doesn't think Mary is HEARING her: "JACK - AND - I - ARE - GOING - TO - BE - ***MARRIED***." Mary nods in a "Yeeeesssss???? ANNDD???" kind of way. Erica says that if Mary tells him about Greenlee, Erica will be THERE to make sure he understand the DEPTHS of Mary's deceit and exactly how deeply she has hurt him by KEEPING him from his daughter. Mary acts like she just "got it": "Ahhhhhh, so in YOUR perfect world, YOU'RE going to decide the right time to tell Jack." Erica: "Of course!" Mary points out that Erica was just trying to convince HER that it would KILL him to learn about Greenlee [that would give ANY sane man a heart attack]. Erica corrects her, saying that they both AGREE that Jack has a RIGHT to know that he has a daughter. Mary, a stickler for the details, points out (literally -- she was pointing to something invisible) that Erica had JUST told her that she wanted her to take her dirty little secret to the GRAVE. Erica looks quizzical: "Did *I* say that?" Mary: "Mm- hmm." Erica quickly recoups: "Well, I will go to any lengths to protect Jack!" Mary: "You don't want to protect JACK! You want to save YOURSELF from the stepdaughter out of HELL!!" Erica looks uncertain.

Erica turns away from Mary (and STILL manages to show her the hands, even behind her back) and says: "Look, I'm the FIRST to admit the very NOTION of having Greenlee as my stepdaughter makes my skin crawl. But my feelings are not the most important here." Mary: "Since WHEN?" Erica turns back to her and says: "Jack's peace of mind in this comes first!" Mary chuckles and says: "Oh, PLEASE! You're afraid of the COMPETITION!" Erica: "I don't THINK so." Mary coos: "You know, I read your unauthorized biography." Erica: "What does that have to do with anything?" Mary steps up and says: "Oh, you know the part where your father ABANDONED you? I'm just standing here imagining what HELL it's going to be like for you to be married to a man whose entire WORLD revolves around his DAUGHTER." [Oooh! Low blow!] Erica: "Look, Mary, the BEST thing you could do is to take yourself and that CLONE of a daughter of yours and get out of town!" Greenlee clops up with Kendall and demands to know: "WHY are you in my mother's FACE?" Mary happily exclaims: "GREENLEE!" Greenlee: "And WHY is Erica trying to stampede us out of town?" Mary smiles smugly at her daughter. Erica darts extremely apprehensive looks between Greenlee and Mary

ON THE NEXT AMC

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Greenlee suspiciously asks Mary: "What do you HAVE on Erica?"

Kendall tells Erica: "Greenlee and I didn't come here to see Jackson. We came here because we have a business proposition for you."

Maggie tells Henry (who looks as clueless as ever): "Ok, we have to get something straight right here, right now."

Tad, his face very close to Liza's grinning face, says: "If you're going to kiss me, just DO it because the suspense is killing me..."

Robin "Thank GOD there was no Carlos today!! Then again, maybe HE should be the one thanking God :-)" Coutellier