Friday Update
July 26, 2002

PREVIOUSLY ON ALL MY CHILDREN

At Tempo Edmund tells Brooke: "Always stay the same Brooke that I fell in love with, the one that's honest." Brooke remembers seeing Maria in Nevada.

Frank overhears Zeke blasting a tearful Simone, saying: "Once again, you have made a choice that you regret!"

At the Chandler house, Mia folders her arms and asks Jake: "You think I'm sleeping with Adam?" Jake: "Well, I'm not saying that you went after HIM."

At PVH Liza tells Tad: "I need to prove that Adam is intentionally trying to make me think that I'm crazy."

At the Chandler house Adam peeks in on Liza and Tad (who are putting on a show for Adam) and innocently asks: "What are you two watching?"

BROOKE'S HOUSE

Hayley asks a distracted Brooke if she'll pick up Maddie's dress on the way to her fitting. Brooke goes to get a glass of water while Hayley tells Maddie that she'll be the most beautiful girl at the wedding except maybe for the bride. As Brooke walks back in, Maddie proudly says that her MOMMY was a bride. Hayley agrees. Maddie innocently says: "Maybe Mommy will come to THIS wedding, too." Brooke spills her water and, totally distracted, dabs it up while Hayley and Maddie watch with concern.

Maddie skips around the table to help wipe up the mess. Brooke thanks her and asks Hayley if she can believe that she has the jitters at HER age. Maddie pipes up that Mommy had the jitters when SHE got married. Brooke asks how she knows that. Maddie says Daddy told her. Brooke looks like she has a severe hemorrhoid flare-up. Hayley tells Maddie that people get the jitters when they get married because they're HAPPY and that Maddie's Mommy was very HAPPY when she had the jitters. Maddie: "She's happy now. She's an angel." Hayley says that's right -- she's watching over Maddie and Sam. Maddie asks if Maria will be at the wedding. The camera focuses on Brooke as Hayley says: "I'm sure she WILL." Brooke looks like she's about to hurl. Maddie happily says that then she'll have TWO mommies! Brooke realizes it's going to be chunky and will probably contain tuna fish. As Hayley natters on about Maria protecting everyone, Brooke remembers Maria, trapped in the plane, begging her to take Maddie out of the plane, NOW! Maria calls Maddie's name over and over. Brooke carefully holds Maddie's face up to the big hole through which she has been talking to Maria. Maria tells Maddie that she loves her VERY much! Brooke assures Maria that she'll make sure that Maddie is ok and that she'll come back for her: "I PROMISE!" Maria tells Brooke to just make sure Maddie is safe -- KEEP her safe! Back in the present, Hayley tells Maddie that the really COOL thing is that now she'll have TWO brothers to push around, right Brooke? Brooke is startled and doesn't know what Hayley said. Hayley suggests that Maddie go upstairs and see if Sam and Jamie need any help. Maddie happily skips away. Hayley turns to Brooke and says something has her really freaked out, and it's not the jitters -- she thinks it's someONE ... and she knows who it is. Brooke looks haggard and slightly guarded.

SOS

Just as I was wondering when the hell the doomed wedding will be held, Edmund walks into SOS and informs Mateo that it will be on 8/23. Mateo says that's cutting it awfully close to the date of Maria's memorial service and won't leave much time for their honeymoon. Edmund says that he was thinking about it and maybe they shouldn't have it -- maybe they should stop it for good. Mateo does not look happy about it. Since Mark Conseulos is temporarily absent, we can actually TELL that Mateo is unhappy as opposed to MC's perpetually unhappy look.

Edmund assures Mateo that he's not planning to cancel the Crystal Ball, which is a celebration of Maria's LIFE [not to mention a HUGE opportunity for ABC to hawk wares on their shopping site], but having a service every year on the anniversary of her DEATH ... Mateo curtly says: "What about it?" Edmund bemoans have to remember her death every year -- it helped during the first few years, but not now. Mateo says it HAPPENED and they can't ERASE that! He shakes his head and stalks over to the bar to slice fruit. [It's already dark out and there are about 5 people in the place. Yeah, this joint is jumping all right.] Edmund follows Mateo and says that Maria wouldn't want them to mourn her FOREVER. [She might not appreciate your getting married close to the anniversary of the day of her death, either.] Mateo stops slicing and asks if this new insight he's got going on is coming from him or from BROOKE. Edmund tries to soothe Mateo, but Mateo isn't biting and hotly says that not having the memorial is not HIS call to make. Mateo forcefully says: "Maria still has three sisters, a brother, a mother, and two children!" He then yells: "WE'RE NOT READY TO FORGET, OK? NOT NOW, NOT **EVER**!!!" He stomps away. Edmund broods.

Edmund walks over to Mateo, who is now wiping glasses, and tells him to get something straight: he doesn't NEED any special memorial service or foundation or ANYTHING to remember Maria! Mateo: "Fine." Edmund forcefully says his kids remind him every day of her -- Maddie has her smile and every time Sam does something that makes him proud, MARIA is proud, too. Edmund: "A DAY doesn't go by that I don't HATE the fact that she's not there to share it with me!" Mateo says he doesn't need to hear this stuff. Edmund says he DOES because he's feeling that Edmund is BETRAYING his sister. Edmund wants the family to be ok with this. Mateo gives him a hard look and says maybe he's asking for too much. Edmund says that if he could, he would do ANYTHING to bring back Maria -- ANYTHING! He says there was a time that he thought that he COULD bring her back if he just WAITED long enough, PRAYED hard enough, WANTED it enough that she would come back. Mateo coldly says that now he's gotten over that. Edmund asks if Mateo thinks what he's doing is EASY. EASY is giving up and saying he's going to live the rest of his life for his kids' sakes or his wife's memory or whatever gets you though the night -- THAT'S easy! He insists that Maria WANTS them to be happy. Mateo: "And ... now you are?" Edmund says Brooke is a big part of that, but she doesn't want him to forget Maria. Edmund: "She's a grownup, Mateo. She wouldn't want a man that would forget the mother of his children." [Oh YES she would!] Edmund says Mateo was okay with it when he was engaged to ALEX. Mateo says that was different because Edmund didn't try to cancel the memorial then. Edmund says he and Brooke need a clean slate. They are trying to put their history in order. They want to do it for each other and he thought Mateo would understand. Edmund starts to leave, but Mateo calls him back.

Mateo tells Edmund that when Enzo got sick and they found out that Maria was a perfect match, it brought everything back. Edmund guesses Mateo still misses her. Mateo: "I guess I never really stopped hoping." Edmund says he knows the feeling. Mateo says it was harder for Edmund though. He lost a sister, but Edmund lost his best friend and the mother of his children. Mateo doesn't think HE could come back from something like that, even though Hayley would want him to and he'd want HER to. Mateo gulps and says that if Edmund thinks the memorial is going to be too hard on him, then they won't have it. Edmund asks if he's sure. Mateo nods and says Maria would want him to have a life -- and he wants it too. Edmund sniffs and they embrace in a manly manner.

PV HOSPITAL

Simone sneaks out of her room and asks a nurse what records they have on her. She doesn't SOUND like someone who's just had a tube down her throat to suck her guts out. [Well, actually, she ALWAYS sounds like that, but she doesn't sound any WORSE today.] The nurse says it's already in the computer, but she can make her a copy. Simone declines and walks a few feet away, muttering that there has GOT to be a way. [Well, she might consider not standing in the middle of a busy area while wearing a hospital gown, ID bracelet, bathrobe and (I'm assuming) footsie slippers with little treads on them.] The nurse leaves her station and Simone goes behind the counter to work on the PC, muttering that she can't let her dad find out. Frank walks up to her, arms folded and says HE used to like to get into trouble. Simone looks caught, but smiles.

In the chapel, Mia lights a candle. She tells God that it's William's birthday again, and she's asking for the usual. She sighs heavily and hopes that God just lets him be surrounded by people who love him and let him know it ... and let him know that SHE'S always there. Jake walks in, sans doctor regalia, and listens in to the next part: "And please remind Liza that she's got her whole family behind her. I want her to start trusting me again because I would never do anything to hurt her, no matter WHAT anyone thinks." Jake: "Anyone? Like me?" Angry, she accuses him of listening in on her praying. He says he wants to talk to her, but she tells him to forget it. He stops her from leaving and tells her he's not going to forget IT or THEM -- he came to tell her that he's sorry and to ask for forgiveness.

Behind the nurses' desk, Simone tells Frank that she was looking for her bill. He reminds her that bills are usually sent to insurance companies and that patients don't usually go hacking around the hospital records. She hotly denies hacking [not true -- I'm sure she was hacking up a lung after that stomach pumping procedure]. She admits she was trying to delete her files so no one would know she was there [hmmm, unauthorized access to hospital records, followed by deletion of said records -- sounds like hacking to ME] She reminds Frank that her father is a doctor there and he would not understand ANY of this! He says her father wouldn't have access to records of patients that he didn't treat [yeah, like THAT'S ever stopped any psycho bum off the street from helping themselves to the hospital's PCs] He says she has a big problem. She walks behind the counter again and asks if he's going to help her access the records or not! He would prefer not to get HIMSELF in trouble. She reminds him that he said he LIKES trouble. He says that depends on what he gets OUT of it. [This guy TOWERS over her -- like about 2-3 FEET over her]

In the chapel, Mia blasts Jake for the things he said about her stabbing Liza in the back. He apologizes and says that, where Adam is concerned, he seems to lose ALL objectivity [like he's EVER had ANY objectivity where ANYONE is concerned]. She tells him that it's not her problem. She starts to leave again and he stops her again. He tells her again about how Adam manipulated Colby's conception and how Jake was caught in the middle, thinking Colby was HIS daughter when everyone else in town knew that she WASN'T. He was absolutely DEVASTATED when he found out. She grudgingly admits that Adam can be ruthless sometimes. He says Adam goes for MAJOR ARTERIES -- Mia hasn't seen it, but she should ask Liza about it. [Fast fact: arteries pump blood TO various places in the body; veins return blood TO the heart FROM those places.] Mia rubs her eyes and, not looking at him, says she understands how he must feel -- if it were HER, every time she saw Adam she would think about losing Colby. He starts to say that losing Colby was just ... Mia: "Like losing a part of yourself." He realizes that she really DOES understand what it's like to lose a child and says it must be the same for her every time she sees Trey. Mia's eyes widen in shock since Trey is NOT William's father, but Jake thinks he is. She says that's different. He says seeing Trey MUST remind her of having to give up her child. She says it DOES -- but not for the reason he thinks. Jake looks perplexed and says Trey IS the baby's father. Mia: "No, that's not -- GOD!" She closes her eyes in self-loathing, then says: "You know what, maybe you were right not to trust me." Jake: "Mia, what are you talking about?" Mia: "I've been lying to you, ok? I've been lying again and again." Jake gives her a vague "Oh, Mia, NO" look.

CHANDLER HOUSE

Adam asks what's on the tape. Liza bends down to turn off the loudly buzzing, fuzzy-screened TV. [Don't they have any other kind of reception on the TV? All my VCR's since the late 80s have had what is sometimes referred to as "mute video" so that you get a blank blue screen if nothing else, as long as the input is in VCR mode. For these rich people not to have that is totally BOGUS.] Liza, VERY obviously hiding something, girlishly tells him he wouldn't be interested. Adam convivially asks if they are hiding something from him. Liza quickly denies it, then hems and haws before suddenly saying she was showing Tad some audition tapes for the WRCW for the news anchor (yeah, that's the ticket). [What do the initials RCW stand for, if anything? I remember they introduced the TV station in the 80s when Brooke was an intrepid reporter, then anchorperson. I only ask because I know that a San Francisco station's call letters, KFRC, originally stood for the name of the then-owner, Frank R. Cross. Just curious.] Tad plays along, obviously bolstering her weak story. Adam notes that a few minutes ago Tad was saying that Liza couldn't hold a rational conversation and now they are screening audition tapes together. Liza, disgustingly meek now, says she is totally rational. Adam grabs the remote and she loudly protests that he CAN'T DO THAT!! She looks stricken, and Adam hesitates to finish pressing the PLAY button.

Adam, still taking the bait, despite being a savvy manipulator to the nth degree, demands to know what's on the tape. Tad suggests they talk outside, but Adam refuses. As Liza frowns at the floor as if everything wrong in the entire WORLD is HER fault, Tad insists he will TELL Adam OUTSIDE. Adam tosses the remote, then walks into another room, closing the door behind him. The men do the obligatory macho posturing before Tad reminds Adam that Liza is in a very fragile state right now and GRILLING her is NOT the way to go. Adam, frustrated, licks his lips HARD in a very MC way. He says that that is NOT an audition tape, is it? Tad looks totally uninformed and shrugs, saying he doesn't know; Liza didn't tell him. He was on his way out when Liza grabbed him and said she wanted to show him something -- for all he knows they are bloopers and outtakes from The Weather Channel. Adam stumbles a little in confusion and asks what Liza is DOING. Tad say she doesn't know, but coming on like Genghis Khan isn't going to help. He tells Adam to let HIM handle it. Tad starts to walk back into the room, but Adam grabs him and says he'll be DAMNED if he'll let TAD handle it! Tad looks shocked.

Tad throws up his hands and says he's just trying to WARN Adam. Adam again tells him to stay out of it. He yanks the door open and they both re-enter the study/sitting room. Adam pesters Liza to tell him what's on the tape. She sighs and says he'll find out eventually -- he always DOES. She tells him that when he watches it, he won't be able to deny the truth.

PV HOSPITAL

Mia slumps in a chair in the chapel while Jake grills her about Adam. She stares straight ahead and says the lie had nothing to DO with Adam. Jake doesn't get it. Mia says that Trey is NOT William's father -- she lied because she didn't want to tell Jake the real story. She sees that Jake is trying to trust her now, though, and she doesn't want to go on lying to him. She apologizes, her voice breaking. She still can't look at him. He says there's no reason for her to be sorry and it's okay if she doesn't want to open up. She jumps up and says he has every RIGHT to know. He jumps up and says he doesn't have ANY rights -- that's where she's WRONG. This is between her and the baby's father -- HE'S the one with all the rights. She reluctantly says that's funny he should say that -- her son's father never even knew he HAD a baby. Jake looks disappointed.

Simone keeps badgering Frank to help her. He notes her attire and warns her that her father might see her if he's coming on or off duty. Just then the nurse returns and asks what's going on, noting that Simone SAID she didn't WANT a copy of her records. Frank drags Simone away, making excuses to the nurse for Simone's rough night. Simone thanks him. He says she has bigger problems than her father knowing about her being in the hospital. She rolls her eyes and says: "If you ONLY knew!" Just then Zeke strolls into the area and sees her. Apparently he's already heard the news and, rather than gather her in his arms and thank God she's alive or, at the very least, telling her she's a worthwhile person, he says: "Simone, what were you THINKING?" She's at a loss for words.

Simone apologizes to Zeke for letting him down. He keeps his hands in his pocket. She keeps her arms folded. She knows she let him down and embarrassed him. He interrupts and tells her that this is neither the time nor the place. She says she can EXPLAIN that it's not the way that it looks. He ignores her and hands her a card of an excellent therapist. She begs him not to do this but he continues to ignore and interrupt her, suggesting that she call the therapist IMMEDIATELY. She insists she doesn't need a shrink. He says he's obviously failed with her and perhaps the other guy can do a better job -- he certainly HOPES so. She continues to protest, but he just holds up a hand to her, then walks away. Simone moans after him: "No, Daddy, you didn't fail! I'm not a FAILURE!" Zeke turns to look coldly at her, then at Frank. He tells Frank that he gathers he's trying to help his daughter. Frank, with a slight attitude, says YES, she's his PATIENT. Zeke says that since he's just starting out, here's a word of advice: "NEVER get emotionally involved. It's the way to DESTROY a promising career." Zeke gives them both dismissive looks of slight contempt, then walks away. Frank tells Simone: "I see what you mean about your dad. Are you ok?" Simone sniffles and bitterly says: "Didn't you hear the man? 'Don't get emotionally involved.' And no one knows how to do that better than my father."

In the chapel, Jake gives Mia the third degree about why she didn't tell William's father about the baby. She says she didn't want him growing up without BOTH parents the way SHE did. Jake gets righteous and, hands on hips, says: "Wait, so you just TOOK AWAY the man's RIGHTS?" Mia whips around and says that this man led a CRAZY life -- he was NEVER going to settle down and be a DAD! Jake yells: "Oh, so -- ok, well, obviously, you didn't think the man could change, so you decided to take away all his rights as a father!" Mia coldly says: "I took CONTROL. I HAD to." Jake: "And you gave away his baby." Mia: "I did what was right for everyone ... Just got 20 degrees cooler in here, didn't it?" Jake: "You just sounded like Adam Chandler." Mia gulps, but doesn't back down from their stare-off.

In their next scene, Mia DOES back off, pacing a few steps behind him. She says there was nothing else she could DO! They both maintain their points of view. Jake says the baby might have CHANGED the father -- Colby changed HIM! From the moment Colby came into his life he wanted to take care of her, be there for her, protect her, build a future, and make her happy -- he wanted to do ALL of that! She retorts: "Yeah, but that's because you're YOU, Jake! This guy --" Jake: "Never had a CHANCE! He never had a chance to see how HE would've done and that baby didn't have a chance to see how his father would've BEEN!" Mia: "My son is fine." Jake: "You did the same thing Adam did. You DID! He went into that lab and he changed those results and he took away my chance, my chance to be a father!" Mia: "Well, this is not the same thing." Jake: "Yeah, it IS! It's EXACTLY the same thing, Mia! He took away MY rights and MY chance to be a father!" Mia tearfully agrees that that was HORRIBLE for him and she understands that, but what SHE did was totally different. Jake: "Maybe. Maybe not." Mia looks brittle.

BROOKE'S HOUSE

As Brooke compulsively twists a napkin, Hayley says she knows what has her going -- it's Maddie constantly talking about Maria. Brooke says Maddie NEEDS to talk about Maria -- she wouldn't try to stop her. Brooke looks about as wrung out as the napkin. Hayley gently says she didn't say that she WOULD, it's just that Brooke doesn't need a constant reminder of Edmund and Maria's life together while she's trying to pick out her bridal bouquet. Brooke says Edmund WANTS Maddie to talk about Maria -- it doesn't MEAN anything, it's just how she feels. Hayley says she's not saying that Maddie has an AGENDA or anything, it's just that it seems to be making Brooke a little crazy. Brooke sighs. Barely able to hold back sobs of despair, she says: "It's NOT -- REALLY." Hayley says SOMETHING is making her crazy. Brooke stands up and makes excuses about wedding preparations making her feel overwhelmed. Hayley gently says that whatever it is, it's driving her straight over the edge -- PLEASE talk to her. Brooke looks hopeless, then turns to Hayley and dully says: "It's Maria -- she's back." Hayley stares.

Brooke paces around a standing table with a large vase on it like a demented tiger. She asks how she can marry Edmund now that she KNOWS. Hayley tells her to calm down and it's no wonder she's going bananas if THAT'S what she's thinking about. She gets Brooke to sit on the stairs with her and tells her that the only way she has lost Edmund is if that's what she CHOOSES. [Ooh, ooh! Can *I* choose?] Maria whimpers that Hayley doesn't understand. Hayley continues to patronize her and Brooke continues to toss out self-pitying disclaimers about it being REAL. Hayley natters on about psychological trips and the little voice inside each of us that says we don't deserve to be this happy. Brooke is at a loss for words for a few moments [yeah, I'm stunned, too], then asks if Hayley thinks she made this up. Hayley says that when SHE was going to marry Mateo, she felt so bad about herself that she would come up with ANY excuse not to walk down the aisle. [But did she listen? NOOOOOO!] Brooke insists that she WANTS to walk down the aisle. Hayley continues to try to convince her it's all in her mind. She tells of being so convinced that Arlene was going to ruin her wedding that she was ready to call it off. Brooke points out that Arlene DID come back and ruin her wedding. Hayley says that's not the point -- she's just so glad she DIDN'T call it off, because she couldn't let Arlene screw up her marriage -- only SHE could screw up her marriage! Brooke presses her lips together so hard that she could end up on the cover of National Geographic, then carefully asks if Hayley is saying that she just IMAGINED all of this. Hayley: "I'm saying that the way Arlene was in my mind, Maria is all in YOUR mind." Brooke sighs and wishes Hayley were right. Hayley wonders what triggered this -- maybe Brooke thinks she's not as "right" for Edmund as Maria was. Brooke: "Just a little." Hayley tells her to kiss that idea goodbye, because Edmund hasn't been THIS happy in YEARS. Desperately grasping for straws, Brooke girlishly says: "Really?" Hayley says it's time for BOTH Edmund and Brooke to let Maria go -- they love each other and what they have together is RIGHT. Brooke walks away and weakly protests. Hayley: "Don't THINK -- KNOW it! You are going to have a marriage, a WEDDING. And there is no GHOST that could stop that from happening!"

Brooke tells Hayley that she's right about one thing -- she thinks part of her IS looking for the next catastrophe. Hayley, in one of the great understatements of the century, says: "Well, we have had our fair share around here." Brooke cites Enzo getting sick and Dixie dying -- sometimes it seems like EVERYTHING can be just RIPPED AWAY! Hayley says that SOMETIMES everything works out, like it did for Enzo, just like it will for her and Edmund. Brooke wryly says that maybe she's just gotten out of the habit of being HAPPY [yeah, for about 15 YEARS now]. Hayley says it WILL come back and that she DESERVES it! They hug and Brooke thanks her for keeping her grounded. Hayley reassures her again, then leaves. Brooke strolls over to a window and, in a beam of moonlight, says that maybe Hayley was right -- she's not sure that woman was MARIA. Maybe it was 400 degrees that day; she hadn't slept or eaten and she even FAINTED. She steels her resolve, then calls an investigative resource and tells them to call off the search for Maureen Gorman. They tell her that they FOUND her. Brooke is shocked.

CHANDLER HOUSE

Adam finally presses PLAY on the remote only to see a video of their wedding. He scoffs at the idea of their wedding video being the BIG MYSTERY. Liza petulantly says she knew he wouldn't understand why she wanted to watch it. Adam asks why Tad has to see it. She says Tad was THERE -- he knows that, as a woman, that was the happiest day of her LIFE! [Tad's a woman? Hmmm, he IS striking a rather girly pose at the moment.] Liza pisses and moans about whether she will ever be capable of ever being that happy again. She realizes that she's not even CLOSE to being that person -- she's LOST it! Adam unconvincingly says that she's still the same person. She denies it, citing her maniacal, violent behavior and accusations of late. He excuses her due to her recent trauma. She says he KNOWS that's not the reason -- ADMIT IT! Adam gulps. They stare.

Liza tearfully tells Adam that he KNOWS the reason she's been acting the way she has. She asks Tad for some privacy and he starts to leave the room. She tells him not to forget his bag. Tad: "My what?" She points to his shopping bag. Adam, naturally, is quite curious. Tad awkwardly gets the bag, kisses her on the cheek and tells her to take care. He leaves. Liza closes the door behind him, then walks back to Adam. Adam admits there IS a reason she's been doing what she's been doing -- and it's HIS fault. He put WAY too much pressure on her -- he wanted her back and pushed her too hard before she was ready for it. Liza hesitantly says: "So THAT'S what you mean when you say it's your fault?" He says yes, he and Colby missed her SO much, and he's afraid he's slowed down her progress. Does she forgive him? She says he doesn't even have to ask. She looks like she belongs in a rocking chair in an asylum as he says he wants her to get back to the person that she really IS. She thanks him and they hug. Behind his back, she looks like she'd rather be hugging a giant, slimy, pox-ridden toad. He pats her hair and, looking calculating behind her back, says: "After all, even though Colby's mother can't be there for her right now, her father ALWAYS will be." Behind his back, Liza raises an eyebrow.

PV HOSPITAL

Abruptly, it becomes a new day. Mia asks for Jake at the nurses' station. She's informed that Dr. Martin just finished his shift and went home. She remembers their conversation in the chapel and sighs heavily. She asks the nurse to tell Jake that she stopped by. She starts to clop away, looking at the floor in distraction, and runs smack into Frank. He looks shocked to see her, then sighs and acknowledges: "Rocky." He shrugs and says: "Long time no see." She stares in shock, breathing heavily. [Why is she so shocked? She SAW his name on the intern list MONTHS ago.]

CHANDLER HOUSE

Adam watches the wedding video, screwing his face up as if he's just sucked on a lemon. He turns it off just as a security person walks in and says he wanted to let him know the security system is back on. Adam is surprised -- he didn't know it was OFF. The man says it was down last night for a while, but he's not sure how it happened -- Adam and Liza re the only persons who could turn it off. Unlike the security system, Adam looks slightly alarmed. Adam suggests it might have been a power outage, but the guy nixes it, saying the generator would have kicked in -- he'll check on it. The man leaves. Out loud, Adam zestfully appreciates Liza's cunning, as one master to another, saying: "Oh, Liza! Oh, that SNAKE! That's GOOD! That's GOOD! THAT'S why you were pumping me so hard for information last night -- you're ON to me!" He chuckles and says: "Well, I guess it was just a matter of time." He grins idiotically, looking like Stuart's dark side.

TAD'S HOUSE

Tad opens the door and a capable and commanding Liza strides in, apologizing for not calling him sooner. She complains that Adam was stuck to her like GLUE! Tad guesses she didn't get that big confession she was after, either. She says there is NO WAY he's going to take away her daughter, but at least they have the tapes that prove he's trying to drive her out of her mind. Tad: "I wish." Apparently there is nothing ON the tapes -- the surveillance tapes are blank -- they've been erased.

BROOKE'S HOUSE

Edmund walks up with flowers and tries to get Brooke to open the door, but there's no answer. He lets himself in and calls out to her. He leaves the flowers on the porch. He walks over to a table and picks up the wedding invitations. He keeps calling to Brooke, but she's not there.

A HOSPITAL

Brooke walks up to a nurse and says she understands that they have a Maureen Gorman working there. The nurse points her out. Brooke turns and sees what looks like the back of Maria. She walks over and puts her hand on the woman's shoulder. The woman turns. She bears a striking resemblance to Maria, but it's not her [her ample breasts are no match for the titanic proportions of MARIA'S breasts]. Brooke happily says she was mistaken. Maureen walks away. Brooke sighs and says Hayley was right -- this was all in her head. In the general hospital bustle behind her, Maria walks in. Brooke sighs in immense relief at it being all in her head, then turns and practically smacks into Maria. Maria recognizes her [but from the hotel or her past?]. Dramatic music plays. Brooke sighs with an I-KNEW-IT look.

[What did Brooke do with all the kids? Sam, Maddie and Jamie were all upstairs when the night ended.]

ON THE NEXT AMC

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At a table at SOS, Frank coyly asks Mia: "What are you thinking?" Mia oh-so-casually says: "Maybe we should just pretend that we never knew each other."

In the study, as Barry Shire looks on, Liza happily tells Adam: "I have some exciting news! I'm taking Colby away!"

At Tad's house Tad says to Edmund: "Do you want to tell me what you're doing here?" Edmund: "I want you to tell me WHERE Brooke is."

At a hospital, Brooke asks Maria: "Do you remember being in an accident?" Maria looks confused.

Irreverently submitted,

Robin "did you use your, um, SEAT, as a flotation device?" Coutellier