Friday Update
January 18, 2002

PREVIOUSLY ON ALL MY CHILDREN

Haley and Mateo stand on the beach and listen via cell phone as Vanessa (as Proteus) says: "Mr. Santos?" Mateo: "Yeah." Vanessa: "Are you ready for your assignment?"

At Greenlee's penthouse, an overdosed Leo tells Mr. Lacey: "I didn't exactly DO your daughter!" Greenlee grabs his tie and hisses: "Leo - - what is WRONG with you?" Leo collapses as he says: "I think somebody stole my knees!" Greenlee screams: "LEO!"

In Ryan's room, the barely robed Kendall asks Ryan: "Why do you want to take me to the courthouse?" Ryan, on his bed in his underwear, says: "Because I want to see who cracks first, you or Stamp." [I could make a COUPLE of truly obscene cracks here, but I'll refrain and let you use your imagination ;-)]

GREENLEE'S PENTHOUSE

Leo lies unconsious in Greenlee's arms as she pleads with Val to call 911. Mr. Rudolph Lacey caustically tells her that emergency services has better things to do than deal with drunks! Greenlee: "You pompous JERK! He's not DRUNK! He was mugged last week, and he's on pain pills!" Rudolph: "How many, the whole bottle?" Greenlee: "Listen, you stuck-up moron --" Val: Greenlee!" Greenlee: "He was helping me help you come up with an image for your so VERY uncool department store that lives in a 1950s time warp! You got it?" Val rocks from side to side, opened-mouthed and looking like he's trying not to shit his pants at her audacity. Greenlee: "I mean, have you looked at your clientele? Have you told the old bats that shop there that Mamie Eisenhower has been pushing up daisies for a couple decades?" Leo rouses and loudly proclaims: "MAMIE EISENHOWER! Now, THAT was a woman!" Greenlee mildly slaps him around trying to get/keep him alert. Leo looks at Mr. Lacey and then Greenlee. In disgust, he says to/asks Greenlee: "Oh God! I screwed it up again for you, didn't I, Greenlee?" He gasps in pain as he turns in for a hug.

Greenlee helps Leo up as he abjectly apologizes. She assures him it's not his fault, since she shoved a pain pill in his mouth without even asking. She should be SHOT! Val volunteers to do so. Greenlee apologizes to Mr. Lacey for popping off at him before, but he was condemning Leo without knowing the whole story and she was hoping for some help or compassion from him, but all he could do was stand there and-- Lacey: "Oh, PLEASE! He said he used to DO my daughter!" [wait a minute -- didn't Philomena says that Mr. Lacey was her GRANDFATHER -- continuity, please!] Greenlee takes a deep breath and changes the subject back to her ideas for his store's advertising. He cuts her off, reminding her of what she said about his hopelessly outdated store, Mamie Eisenhower couture, etc. He says if and when Erica comes back, he may consider a continued relationship with HER, but he doesn't DO business with irresponsible CHILDREN. He leaves. Val takes a moment at the door to say: "And I didn't think it was possible for Erica's day to get any worse! You are lucky she's still in custody, mister, or she'd come after you!"

Leo holds his head and again apologizes to Greenlee. She assures him that it's fine -- she'll call Erica and Erica will be right on top of it. Leo loosens his tie and throws it down in anger and frustration. Greenlee asks what's wrong and goes through guesses about their living together, Laura, Jake, etc. He says it's not that. She insists SOMETHING is really wrong. Why won't he tell her? Leo: "My mother. Something's really, REALLY wrong with my mother."

PV COURTROOM

Chris paces in front of the judge while staring grimly at Ryan, who is standing in front of the door, looking even MORE grim. They eye each other INTENSELY. The judge prods Chris, who doesn't even hear him. Eventually Chris breaks the eyelock and turns to Kendall and reminds her she is still under oath. He yammers on about how sacred the oath is and asks if it means anything to HER. Jackson objects. The judge asks Chris where he's going. Chris tells Kendall that the oath means NOTHING to her -- she's LYING, isn't she? "Kendall: "What are you DOING?" Jackson jumps up and YELLS his objection this time. The judge does not respond [aren't ALL objections supposed to be officially declared "sustained" or "overruled" before a witness is ALLOWED to answer or respond to the question or statement?] Chris: "You're LYING, Ms. Hart! You hate your mother so much that you would lie under oath just to nail her to the wall!" Kendall: "No." Jack: "Your honor, I object!" Erica is quite uneasy with this sudden attack. Chris: "You don't care that she's innocent. You don't care that she's your mother! All you care about, Ms. Hart, is ruining her! Am I in the same ballpark as your truth or WHAT, Ms. Hart?" Kendall stares, shocked. The judge is apparently asleep, because we don't hear a peep out of HIM.

Chris: "Perjury isn't anything new to you, is it, Ms. Hart?" Jack wearily says: "Objection. Inadmissible." [well, for once someone gives a REASON for an objection] The judge says he'll give Chris some leeway, but not much [only enough to parallel park 3 moving trucks and a Winnebago would be my guess] Chris rephrases the question: "Your motivation to lie under oath today -- is it the same as it was before? Which is the complete undoing of your mother's moral character?" Jack once again jumps up and yells: "Your honor, PLEASE!" Judge: "Sustained." [Sustained WHAT? I didn't hear the word "objection" THAT time] Chris: "You're right, your honor. I'll just leave it up to the good people of the jury to figure out exactly what her motivation could be here." Ronn (Jack's assistant) to Jack: "VERY slick -- he's managing to get it all in anyway." [Slick? Oh yeah, like an oil refinery that one] Chris asks Kendall about her feeling that she was DUMPED by Erica, who had the AUDACITY not to raise her. Kendall says she got her birth records when she was old enough and had a right to know who her mother was. Chris says Erica has a name -- she's the birth mother, the heartless teenager who gave her away just so she could have a better life. Jackson objects again (without a given reason). Chris says Jackson already opened the issue of Kendall's feelings toward Erica and he has the right to explore it via cross examination. The judge allows it for a time. Chris points out what loving parents the Harts were and how they saved up for her college education from the day they brought her home. Kendall again asks what he's DOING. The judge again stays silent. Jack jumps up and asks if there is a question in their future somewhere. The judge finally mildly warns Chris. Chris asks Kendall what Erica did that would make Kendall hate her so much. Chris: "Is it that she made a horrible decision when she was a child of RAPE?" Jack thunders: "I OBJECT, Your Honor!" Chris: "That she thought only of her child and not of herself? When she was all of 14, she made sure, Ms. Hart, that you had loving, caring parents who would provide you with every opportunity in the world. Is THAT the horrible sin that woman who carried you for nine months committed, had the NERVE to commit? Or, better yet, are you just plain NUTS, Ms. Hart? How's that for a question?" The gallery erupts in excited babble. Jack says he's still waiting for a ruling [THAT'S a first] and demands that the last few lines of Chris be stricken from the record. Erica apprehensively watches.

SANDY BOTTOM BEACH

[For those who may have missed it, the folks on rec.arts.tv.soaps.abc recently held a contest to name the ridiculously tiny beach and "Sandy Bottom" was the winner]

Mateo listens to Proteus restate her questions, i.e., is he ready to hear his assignment to kill someone? Mateo blandly tells Proteus to tell him who it is and he'll do it. The camera cuts to Vanessa, who is in the mysterious old Enchantment storeroom (which is miraculously free of cobwebs and dust]. Vanessa: "Did you actually think I would simply call you up and send you off, guns blazing, like a Charles Bronson?" He says he doesn't know what she means. She tells him to use his considerable smarts. [BWAHAHAHAAAA!!!] Mateo: "I like Jello." [okay, I made that up] She asks him what she values above all else. He guesses that would be her identity, for self-protection. She approves of his answer. He ventures that if someone knew who she was, they could take over her operation. She says she knew she was working with him for a reason. She says he wants more and more, though -- he wants HER job. Be honest. She says she knew it the moment she laid eyes on him -- he wants MORE -- he wants it ALL! Mateo: "Wait a minute -- are you saying I *KNOW* you?" Vanessa: "Mr. Santos, if you didn't, where exactly would the fun be?" Mateo and Hayley look thoughtful.

Pacing now, Mateo tells Proteus that he/she has all the cards. Vanessa: "Proteus always has the advantage." Mateo snidely says he got that. She says he sounds awfully cocky for a man who's about to receive an order to KILL. [he always sounds like that -- pay no attention] He reminds her that she told him he was a dead man if he DIDN'T do this, so how does she EXPECT him to act? Is she going to give him any leeway? He has some questions HE wants answered. She actually agrees, probably out of extreme boredom. Mateo: "Why me?" Vanessa says she watched his wife, who seems so happy and content with her husband, baby and life in general, thinking it's always going to be perfect sailing for them [Vanessa obviously doesn't watch the show]. She says Hayley's an heiress, whereas Mateo is a man of the streets [Oh please! He's hardly a street urchin OR a Mac Daddy!] She notes that those type usually marry opposites. He asks how she knew he was pretending to be happy with Hayley. Vanessa: "When is it NOT an act?" She asks if he's armed. He is. She says the problems has to be solved tonight. He's to go to the park, at the Elm Street entrance. There's a payphone there -- when it rings at 7pm sharp, he will pick it up. [Are there really ANY payphones left that you can CALL] Hayley writes something on a pad and shows it to Mateo. Mateo urgently says he has one more question. Vanessa says no more questions, but he barges on (with Hayley gleefully urging him on), saying: "Proteus, how -- how does a woman like you get so good at reading men?" Vanessa is stunned into speechlessness.

Mateo continues to goad her; but she quickly recovers, calmly telling him to play his little game of trying to ascertain her gender, but it will only lead him further away from unveiling her identity. [Huh? How far can he get? There are only two choices.] Mateo innocently says he's just trying to prove himself. She harshly says to do that by FOLLOWING HER ORDERS and laundering her money. Mateo: "I just think--" Vanessa is really pissed off now: "I - DO - THE - *THINKING*, - MATEO!" She hangs up. Mateo tells Hayley that she's a genius. Hayley says she was just thinking about what Proteus said about watching her -- she sounded like a jealous woman, and men don't talk that way. Mateo says it DOES narrow the field. He apologizes for her having to hear all that. Hayley seems a little upset. She points out the mission for the evening and says that will bring Mateo one step closer to finding out who Proteus is. That means Proteus is going to use him to eliminate the enemy -- and then Proteus is going to eliminate MATEO. [get out the popcorn, folks!] Mateo thinks. [about Jello, I presume]

ENCHANTMENT STOREROOM

Vanessa talks to the air as she slowly and carefully walks over to a chair like a drunk trying to "maintain": "No need to panic. And it never pays to become too excited." She sits and assures herself: "Everything is STILL under control! And after tonight, all my problems will be solved." Larry walks in. Vanessa fondles him and says that he's going to be very, very busy AFTER sunset -- but until then, he's ALL hers. He leans down and nuzzles her neck as she revels in his sexual attention.

GREENLEE'S PENTHOUSE

Leo asks if there is anything more cliche than the way his mother is acting: the aging actress, bored in her marriage and doing the chauffeur in the back of the limo? Greenlee says he's not the type to judge anyone, even his mother -- why is it getting to him? He says it's because of HER (Greenlee). He talks about how unconventional his upbringing was, being dragged from one European count's house to another. She assures him that neither one of them is CONVENTIONAL! He says it's different now that they love each other and are talking about the "forever" word. She asks if that scares him. He says no, but his MOTHER does. Leo: "Greenlee, we're taking lives that we both thought were empty and we're filling them up every day. And my mother -- she's completely void, she's completely empty, and it scares me to know that about her. I mean, before, it was like she was my monologue, my joke of a mother who I'd use to break the ice and work the room. But now it's not -- it's not funny anymore. It's not funny at ALL, and I don't know what to do about it." Greenlee shakes her head sadly and gives him a somber hug of comfort.

Leo tells Greenlee that he's afraid that he (Larry) is going to do the same thing to Vanessa that he did to Leo. Greenlee reluctantly says there's probably nothing Larry WOULDN'T do. Leo talks about how, when he was younger, they would set things up for the big payoff; then she would do something stupid like sleeping with the chauffeur, so they would have to bag everything and run to the next country, hoping their reputation didn't beat them there. Greenlee urges him to let it go. He worries that he's just like her. She assures him he is NOTHING like Vanessa. He points out that he just totally screwed up the Lacey's deal for her. Greenlee says SHE did. He wonders who else takes 3 pain pills within 20 minutes. [They must be working pretty well, because he keeps getting up, pacing, waving his arms and plopping himself back down again, with nary a complaint of pain.] Greenlee ventures to ask if he was trying to break the pattern by being with Laura. Leo: "I guess. But look who I picked to break the pattern -- a psycho heart transplant recipient -- which is actually WORSE than a psycho, skirt-chasing limo driver." He stops, realizing he has to lie down and pass out -- NOW, then does so. Greenlee vows that they are NOT going to get screwed up THIS time.

PV COURTROOM

The courtroom is still in an uproar over Chris talking about how Erica had the audacity to give up Kendall. [These people need to chill] Judge Montel bangs his gavel and threatens to have the courtroom cleared. Everyone shuts up. The judge then threatens a recess to give Chris a refresher course in cross-examination. Then he orders Kendall to answer the question. Kendall snottily asks him WHICH ONE [gotta side with Kendall on THAT one] Chris asks again if her testimony about her mother is all lies. She says it's true and she can PROVE it. [is ANYONE going to instruct her to answer yes or no?] He asks how -- the famous check made out to cash? She says yes. He asks if she thinks Erica is cunning. Kendall says yes. Then he asks if STUPID people are cunning [actually, yes; I know of at least one exceptionally stupid, but quite cunning guy] Chris asks if her mother is both cunning AND stupid. Jackson objects that Chris is asking for a conclusion to what he can't even IMAGINE. Chris: "And the obvious conclusion is that woman, who runs a multimillion-dollar-a-year business in a cutthroat industry, does not commit a crime and try to cover it up by leaving her fingerprints all over the proverbial smoking gun -- or, in this case, the proverbial smoking check, the one that you claim she gave you to buy your efforts and your silence!" Jack is disgusted and yells: "Your Honor, how long is this court going to allow this 'My Cousin Vinny' defense to continue?" The gallery laughs. The judge rebukes them and tells Chris to continue. Chris snidely asks Kendall if there were notations in the little memo section of the check that said things like "payment to woman who hates me so she can help me flee the country"? Or "more money to Kendall, who accused me of a stabbing she committed herself"? [Uh, I SAW Erica stab Dimitri -- is he talking about yet ANOTHER stabbing that I forgot about?] Is there anything there like THAT?" Jackson yells more objections, saying that there hasn't been a REAL question asked in the last 20 minutes [WOW -- someone in the courtroom actually NOTICED that? Kudos to Jack!] Chris then whirls to ask a REAL question that he knows the prosecution will like: "Where were you on the night that Mary Frances Stone was murdered?" Jack, once again, vehemently objects. The judge, as usual, is silent. Kendall, of course, says all kinds of things, but doesn't actually answer the question: "I'll answer that! I don't care! Because I've never killed anyone! I'm not like my mother or YOU! She kills for FUN, and you kill for PROFIT! Right, Mr. Stamp?" As the courtroom continues to babble like a roomful of turkeys, Chris glares at Ryan, who just stares open- mouthed. Erica briefly covers her face with her hands, then apprehensively looks around.

After the commercial break, Jack sits, the courtroom is quiet, and Chris asks that the last remark be stricken from the record. The judge, calm, bored, and apparently scratching lottery tickets, so rules it. Chris says he has more questions for Kendall. Kendall: "FINALLY!" [HELLO? She STILL hasn't answered the LAST question] The judge actually rouses himself from his stupor and tells her to knock off the commentary. Chris asks her a barrage of questions, not stopping to hear an answer, not that Kendall says anything but "Excuse me?". He asks who is Erica's favorite writer. How about favorite singer. When is her birthday? Jack objects, but the judge allows it. Kendall says she doesn't know what this has to do with the trial, but eventually admits she doesn't know Erica's birthday. She again asks what he's trying to prove. Chris: "Here's my point. Even if -- and I am by no means conceding that this is the truth, Your Honor -- even if Ms. Kane needed help with the automobiles and the trains and the boats and the planes and the Swiss bank accounts to flee the country, why the HELL would she turn to YOU?" Jack objects, but the judge allows it and tells Kendall to answer the question. Kendall stays silent. The judge tells Chris to rephrase the question. Chris condenses the same question of why Erica would confide in HER about Mary Frances Stone. Kendall stutters and says she doesn't know. He reminds her of the truth and the bible and says the jury is probably wondering at this point if she's ever told the truth in her LIFE. Chris: "Why would Erica Kane tell you something that is quite possibly, if true, the biggest secret of her LIFE? ****WHY?****". She stutters some more and admits she doesn't know. Chris says no one else does, either. Jack objects. Chris withdraws his last statement and says he has no more questions. Jack jumps up and says he wants a quick re-direct before any more breaks. Chris looks VERY unhappy and suspicious about THAT. Jack asks her to tell the court what Erica asked her to do for her. Kendall: "She asked me to -- to help her get a fake passport and hire a private jet to take her out of the country in case she was convicted of murder." Jack: "And did she tell you that she did, in fact, kill Mary Frances Stone?" Kendall: "Yes." Oddly, the peanut gallery is completely silent this time. Kendall is excused. Erica and Kendall exchange looks. Erica seems uplifted. Kendall goes out to the hallway and sits, shaking and heaving sighs, reassuring herself: "It was worth it -- it WAS."

ENCHANTMENT STOREROOM

Vanessa leads Larry around by his tie and orders him to warm up the limo. He puts his jacket back on and complies. She shuts the door, enjoying the afterglow, then shakes off her sexual trance long enough to check her makeup, commenting: "Well, you really DO know how to make a girl feel SPECIAL! Like a regular Ronald Coleman! Oh, but, Larry -- oh, darling. Oh. I really won't miss you all that much.

SANDY BOTTOM BEACH

Mateo tells Hayley that Proteus is NOT going to kill him -- she gets off on sparring with him too much. Hayley says they don't know that. He assures her he DOES know that. He pulls her close and tells her to go home and tell Lorenzo that he loves him, give him a kiss and tell him that Daddy is coming home soon. He tells her not to let go and she says the same to him as they hug.

PV COURTROOM

Jack gives a summation [didn't he already do that?], saying that Erica had nothing but contempt for the young girl that she murdered in cold blood and she has nothing but contempt for the JURY or anyone else, because Erica Kane is famous. She believes she is above the law and that if the story about being innocent doesn't work out, she changes it to one of self-defense. Bianca stares at him. Erica gulps and apprehensively looks around. Jack brings out the violins and says that Frankie's only crime was being a young girl from a troubled home that fell in love with Erica's daughter. Erica would not accept it or stand for it. She has contempt for ALL of them! Jack: "But if you let her contempt for her innocent, 19-year-old victim go unpunished, then it is YOU who have contempt -- contempt for JUSTICE, contempt for the very sanctity of LIFE!" He begs for a guilty verdict and to not fail Frankie Stone. Bianca grips her book of love sonnets and stares.

Chris starts HIS summation [again]. He says Frankie was a con artist who was out to get as much money as she could. When she came to Pine Valley, her target was Erica Kane. Chris: "Mary Frances Stone was a wandering, promiscuous, drug-using liar who used anybody she got close to." Bianca can't stand to listen to any more and runs out of the courtroom. Erica watches, agonized that she can't follow. Chris gets out his own violins and says: "Erica Kane IS guilty. She's guilty of loving her daughter so much that she offered to help the very same person who was about to fleece her. Mary Frances Stone -- innocent?" He chuckles derisively and says: "The prosecution has offered you only half-truths. He put a proven perjurer on the stand to refute the testimony of my client, the defendant, Ms. Erica Kane. And the only thing that he managed to prove, ladies and gentlemen, was that Erica Kane loves her daughter beyond all reason."

[Can you imagine being on that jury and trying to deliberate? Juror #1: "What was the question?" Juror #2: "There was a question?" Juror #3: "GOD I need some Immodium, NOW!" Jury #4: "Was someone killed?" Juror #5: "Where the HELL did they come up with either ONE of those lawyers -- and that JUDGE! HOLY MOLY, what a LOSER!" Juror #6: "BINGO!" Juror #7: "Did you get a load of those daughters. Say, do you think they ever get together for sleepovers and ...?" And so it goes.]

PINE CONE MOTEL

Kendall bursts into Ryan's room and slams the door. Ryan, who has been reading a book, wonders if the doors in the motel lock. She yells that he DITCHED her! He says he wanted to see what Stamp would do; he did and he left. Kendall: "Oh, yeah. I forgot -- you want to watch the guy who OFFED YOUR FATHER play lawyer. Hmmm, that's--" Ryan: "I tell you ONE private thing -- ONE -- and then you shout it out in front of a courtroom full of people! That was really very nice!" Kendall: "Well, I didn't realize that Stamp killing your father was confidential 411." Ryan: "Well, I didn't realize that you would use it as your own personal version of "your mama wears combat boots!" She doesn't know what he's talking about. He tells her to just go. She's a spoiled little brat because her mommy didn't love her -- that's just BORING! She calls him a stinking, superior jerk and he once again yells at her to go. For once, she actually DOES, slamming the door again on her way out. Ryan picks up his book again and reads a little, moving his lips as he does so. Kendall slams back in again with the package from his mother. She throws the package on the bed and says at least SHE'S not afraid of care packages from mommy. She sends him care packages and he FREAKS? He slams his book shut and says his mother is dead -- whatever is in the package is just useless stuff left over from the nursing home when she died. He works his way off the bed and yells at her: "And while I don't think that I've been subtle, I want to be really, REALLY clear about this. Just STAY OUT OF MY LIFE! I need a NEUROTIC BITCH like you like you need a POUTING LOSER like me! And next time you need to pick a fight with your mommy, choose somebody else to rile you up for the battle, all right?" Kendall: "Fine!" Ryan: "Fine!" Kendall: "As soon as they put Erica's head in the guillotine and pull, I am out of this stupid, stinking burb for good!" She slams out AGAIN. Ryan sits down in a chair to continue reading his book, "Look Homeward, Angel" by Thomas Wolfe. [I'm sure it has some deep meaning regarding Ryan's life experiences, but since I've never read it, I have no idea what that might be] He pants at it for a while, then throws it at the wall, prompting wall-pounding from the next room. He yells at them to shut up, then walks over to the bed and fondles the package.

ALL OVER THE PLACE

[Now the scenes start jumping back and forth, all taking place in the same moment in time, I'm assuming, so I'm going to lump them into one category.]

At Greenlee's penthouse, someone is at the door, waking Leo. He slowly gets up to answer it. It's Bianca. She strides in and laments that Kendall tore her mother apart on the stand, Chris said awful things about Frankie and everybody was talking. She couldn't take it another minute! They hug. Leo grunts in pain. Bianca seems to notice that he's hurt and apologizes for unloading on him like that. She asks where Greenlee is. He doesn't know where she went.

At the Valley Inn, Greenlee pounds unceasingly on Vanessa's door and yells at her to open up. When Vanessa finally answers, Greenlee demands to know what the HELL Vanessa is trying to do. Vanessa sardonically looks at her.

Back at the penthouse, Bianca apologizes again. He says it's okay. She says she wants to be there for her mother, but she CAN'T! He notices the Shakespearean Sonnets she carries. She says it makes her feel closer to Frankie, like she was holding her hand. She keeps reading it over and over again, trying to hear her voice in every one. She flips through it, then looks askance. Leo asks what's wrong. She says she wishes she knew. Dramatic music plays.

At PV Park, Mateo walks in near the aforementioned payphone. He puts something in his ear, then pulls up the hood to his sweatshirt. He glares at the phone.

At the Valley Inn, Greenlee walks into Vanessa's room and says they have to talk. Vanessa says she has plans. Greenlee orders her to cancel them -- NOW. They glare challengingly at each other.

At the Pine Cone Motel, Ryan opens the package from his mother, taking out trinkets. He pulls out a photo of himself and JustBraden. He takes it out of the frame and looks at it for a while, musing about his boyhood, presumably. We can see there is some writing on the back.

In the courtroom, Judge Montel dismisses the jury to their quarters to deliberate. Erica apprehensively stares, breathing hard.

ON THE NEXT AMC

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Mateo breaks off a kiss with Simone, who says: "Bet you're wondering where THAT came from."

Greenlee tells Vanessa: "You step one toe back in the gutter, and it's bye-bye to your son."

Bianca tells Leo: "There's a page missing from the book Frankie gave me. What am I not supposed to see?"

Ryan incredulously asks Chris: "You knew my mother?"

Irreverently submitted,

Robin "LOVE watching Vanessa slowly unraveling" Coutellier