Friday Update
January 4, 2002

PREVIOUSLY ON ALL MY CHILDREN

Erica tells Chris: "I want you to put me on the witness stand." Chris: "Absolutely not!"

As he rolls around in agony, Anna shakes David and demands: "What have you taken? Is it a drug? What is it?" David: "Yes."

At the Crystal Ball, Mateo frets to Simone: "It's been two hours since Proteus downloaded the information, you know, that I've been stealing from him. Two HOURS!" Simone: "And you expected him to make a move already?"

In the Chandler living room, Liza tells someone over the phone: "Regarding my divorce -- I need to postpone it."

CHANDLER HOUSE

Adam and Liza return from the courthouse since JR's testimony was delayed. Colby is a giggling vision in pink as she greets her parents. Adam is VERY much the adoring father as he chats her up about an upcoming zoo visit. Liza beams at them until Winifred escorts Colby out of the room. Liza then turns back to Adam who wonders what he did wrong. She says he didn't do anything wrong. She haltingly starts to say something, but a breathless Hayley suddenly rushes in. She laughs uncomfortably and nervously asks what they are doing there instead of in court. Liza asks why Hayley isn't at the studio. Hayley stumbles over her words, saying she WAS ... They both wonder what's wrong with her and Adam jumps up to take a closer look, saying she looks pale. Hayley giggles and bites her lip

Meanwhile, in the tunnels, Mateo paces and worries about where Hayley is. He calls her on her cell phone, which she carefully answers. He asks if something is wrong. Hayley's mouth gapes open likes she's expecting to catch free throws.

After some other scenes and commercials, Hayley hangs up and tells Adam it was a wrong number. Adam and Liza are, no doubt, thinking it's an OBSCENE wrong number, given her reaction. Mateo stares at his cell phone and wonders what's going on. Back in the living room, Liza again wonders why Hayley isn't at WRCW. Hayley says she has a splitting headache and decided to work at home. Liza gives her aspirin while Adam pours her some water and rants and raves about Mateo and his bar wench showing up at the Crystal Ball. She assures him it's okay and that it's over. Adam says Mateo has hurt her for the last time and that they are THERE for her. Hayley says it's no big deal. She thanks them for their concern and says she's going to hang out and veg for a while. She starts toward the stairs, but stops near the desk. Winifred runs back in saying Colby forgot her pocketbook. Adam, Liza and Winifred immediately spread out to find their darling tot's precious purse. Hayley spits out the aspirin [which must taste pretty foul by now], then goes into the tunnels. We don't see HOW she got there. On the way, she took off her leather jacket. Mateo asks what's going on and she says she just needed to see him and feel him; she doesn't know how much longer she can pull this off. They hug. [I notice that there is now a fully made-up cot and pillow in the tunnels]

DAVID'S CABIN

Anna dabs David's forehead with a cool cloth and orders him to wake up. He does, looking befuddled and fuzzily wondering what happened. Anna snaps that he's lucky to be alive after the stunt he pulled the night before. He wonders how much she knows. Anna: "Everything."

PV COURTROOM

Vanessa is still on the stand, railing against Erica for killing Frankie. [If Vanessa is still on the stand and it's early in the day (albeit NEW YEARS DAY), how did anyone even KNOW JR's testimony was delayed?] Vanessa gets more and more agitated, gasping through gritted teeth and yet still managing to yell at Erica. She goes on and on about Erica killing Frankie. Eventually Chris blandly says: "Your Honor ...", but nothing else. The courtroom observers are atwitter and Judge Montel bangs his gavel and orders, well, ORDER. Vanessa finally ungrits her teeth, crying loudly and STILL melodramatically accusing Erica. Leo and Bianca burst into the courtroom to investigate the commotion as Judge Montel orders Vanessa to cease her outburst or he'll find her in contempt. Chris says he has no more questions. [Did he even ask her anything to begin with? He should ask her why she uses such an over-the-top affected gasping method in a court of law] Vanessa is escorted from the stand. A guard by the door tells Bianca she's a witness and has to stay out until she is called. Vanessa, on the other hand, is allowed to sit with Palmer again [couldn't she still be called for a recross?], leaning pitifully against his shoulder. He stays rigid.

Jackson calls Opal to the stand. Opal comes out of a room located behind the judge's bench [AGAIN, why is Bianca (and previously, JR) out in the hallway instead of the witness room?] Opal hesitates and shares a meaningful look with Erica, then glumly walks to the stand. She puts her hand on the bible (but seems to be trying NOT to touch it) and flashes back to the discussion with Erica about how they HAVE to do this to protect Bianca, Opal arguing that Bianca might remember what happened someday, and Erica's logical theory that no one would believe Bianca if she DID remember because they'd think she was trying to protect Erica. The bailiff calls Opal back to the present and she gulps, hesitantly swearing to tell the truth. Jackson gets up and asks her to state her name and address. Opal says her name is just "Opal", like "Cher" or "Madonna", and she lives at 328 Crescent Avenue in PV. Since it's a strict court of law, no one even questions her name of simply "Opal". Jackson points out that that is ERICA'S address. Opal explains that she moved in with Erica after what happened at her house [I suspect she left Petey there, though]. He asks if they are friends and confide in each other. She says they are best friends and, yes, that's what best friends DO [unlike D.A.s who have had ongoing sex and familial relationships with the people being prosecuted]. Jackson asks if she considers herself a Godly woman. She says yes and he hammers home the point of telling the truth today SO HELP HER GOD! A tense Erica grips Chris' arm, a move that is not unnoticed by Chris since her fingernails left permanent welts, even through the suit jacket and dress shirt.

[FROM THIS POINT ON]

[I'm afraid I have to bow [OW!] to a muscle spasm in my mid-upper back, so this is going to be more of a light update (as much as I'm capable of DOING it lightly) from this point on. Lighter and more cryptic on descriptions, heavier on the quotes, since they are already in a text file for me to cut and paste.]

DAVID'S CABIN

Anna tells David that he told her about Dixie's mother disease; he didn't actually tell HER -- he thought he told DIXIE. He won't tell her what was in the drug that almost killed him; says she doesn't need to know and, BTW, keep the info to herself. She says he doesn't like it does he? Now some of the mystery is gone and there's been a shift of power in her favor. David looks hangdog.

David says his research is at a crucial stage and she can't tell ANYONE. She rants that she's not about to tell a TABLOID and that she stayed listening to him rave on all night. He asks what kept her there and why did she come back in the first place? She says he inspires something -- loyalty maybe -- in her. She believes in him. He thanks her for helping him and apologizes for calling her Dixie. Anna: "I've been called worse." [LOL!] She asks why he's experimenting and he says he has no choice. She asks if it's because Roger is a drunk and ruined the research. Anna: "Listen to me. One of these days you're going to be forced to trust someone, and I don't understand why that someone can't be ME!" David: "Because you're right. It would kill me." They stare.

PV COURTROOM

Vanessa comes out, gasps at Leo, and thanks him for being there in her hour of need. He says he's there for BIANCA and bets Vanessa LOVED sticking it to Erica. Vanessa insists to him and Palmer that she was only there to serve justice. Palmer says she was doing what she always does -- serve herself. Vanessa insists Erica murdered poor Frankie with malice aforethought. Palmer says it's for a jury to decide. Bianca walks over to Leo for comfort and he hugs her.

Opal says it's not a yes or no thing. Jack asks the judge to declare her a hostile witness and the motion is granted. Jack asks Opal if Erica hated Mary Frances Stone. Opal hedges and says "hated" is a little strong. He asks if she heard Erica say she HAD to get rid of Mary Frances because of influence on Bianca? Opal admits that Erica was not happy about the friendship. Jackson going into full-blown asshole D.A. mode, asks if Erica checked up on Frankie because she thought Frankie was a con artist that was after Bianca's trust fund. Opal says he knows DARN WELL that Erica checked up on Frankie, because she tried to hire HIM to do it. Lots of courtroom babble ensues. Chris objects to Jack's badgering of the witness, but he's overruled because she's a hostile witness. He then asks if Erica swore to kill Frankie if she hurt Bianca. Opal finally blows up and lambastes Jackson: "Now, you just wait a little red-hot minute there! Don't you DARE try to railroad me into damning Erica! You know, if anybody around here should be called HOSTILE, it's YOU, Jackson Montgomery, because you LOVED Erica and you lost her and you never forgave her!" Jack stares stonily at her while the judge tells *OPAL* to refrain from conjecture and orders her to answer question. Opal says yes, Erica DID say she would do ANYTHING to protect daughter. Jack says no more questions. Opal looks devastated. Chris stands and says: "No questions." [A top-notch lawyer, that one!] Opal dejectedly takes a seat in the courtroom behind Erica. The two look at each other and Erica takes her hand in reassurance. Jackson calls the next witness -- Bianca Montgomery. Erica looks sick and looks heavenward as if she's looking for a way out.

Bianca walks in and takes the stand. She looks very sexy in her low- cut, body-hugging black dress. Jack gently asks her what it was like when she first met Frankie. Bianca: "I liked her. I trusted her." Jack: "And why was that?" Bianca: "A feeling that I got. She's -- I could tell that she was a good person, even though my mother --" Jack jumps on her hesitation and she says "Nothing." Jack asks the judge to treat BIANCA as hostile. [Why doesn't he just ask that ALL the witnesses be considered hostile before even bothering to question them? And what the hell does "hostile witness" really MEAN, legally? To answer my own question, I searched and ended up at http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mhostilewitness.html, which explains it very well in layperson's terms, but it's too long to explain here other than to say that Jackson can do DIRECT examination of Bianca as if CHRIS had called to the stand, not Jackson, himself] Bianca tears up and begs him: "Uncle Jack, PLEASE don't make me do this!! Ok, ok. We were CLOSE. Frankie and I were CLOSE!" Jack: "How close?" Bianca: "I liked her and she liked me." Jack: "What did your mother think about that?" Bianca: "I can't speak for her." Jack: "Well, could you tell the court, did your relationship with Frankie stone make your mother angry? Was she suspicious of her motives? Did she feel that she was only trying to get close to you to gain access to your trust fund?" Bianca looks down and doesn't answer. Jackson: "Bianca, you were close to another young woman -- Sarah. But that didn't drive your mother to commit murder, now, did it?" Chris distractedly objects and the judge sustains it. Jack: "Withdrawn. What was different this time, Bianca? What made your mother feel so angry, threatened? What was it about your relationship with Frankie Stone that made your mom so afraid?" [I thought he could only ask one question at a time] Bianca keeps looking down for a long while, then sniffles, looks up and over at Erica, then says: "I told my mother that I was going to -- I told my mother that I was going to leave home. I'll be 18 soon. I told her that I was going to leave her and I was going to go to Frankie, and I meant it." Erica closes her eyes for a moment, not wanting to see her daughter in such pain. Jack: "And your mother -- she couldn't accept that, could she?" Bianca breaks down crying now and says: "No, my mother HATED it! She -- she HATED that I was in love with a woman. She HATES that I'm gay, ok? She -- she's ashamed of me!" Erica looks at her and stoically tries to keep from crying herself. Bianca: "Why, Mom? Why did you have to do it? Why did you have to kill her?" Erica is overcome with needing to comfort her. She stands and entreats: "Bianca, I --" Then she faints. Chris catches her, copping a nice long feel in the process.

After commercials, Erica is once again sitting up and a bailiff is, for some odd reason, rolling up and putting away handcuffs [she wasn't cuffed in the first place -- did he cuff her to bring her back around?] They continue. Jack says he's done. Chris gets up to cross-examine, but Erica BEGS him not to ask Bianca anything else. He says he HAS to because Bianca just gave the jury her motive for offing Frankie. [Jury? What jury? I don't see any jury. If the trial was moved up virtually overnight to happen on New Year's Day, why wasn't Chris (let alone Erica) involved in jury selection? TOTALLY bogus!] Chris wants to let the jury know that Bianca caught Frankie in bed with a guy and that she admitted she was a con-artist. Erica urgently confers with Chris while the judge impatiently waits: "I don't give a damn WHAT the jury knows and doesn't know. I can face going to prison and I can even face Bianca hating me, but what I cannot face is to see her heart shredded up there on the stand! Chris says this is crazy. Erica: "Please. Bianca loved Frankie and she lost her. Please don't make her lose her all over again. Chris, please. PLEASE! Judge: "Mr. Stamp. Do you intend to cross-examine this witness in the next millennium?" Chris requests and gets a 5-minute recess to confer with his client. [Okay, NOW I see a jury as they leave for a break. Unfortunately for us, this time none of the extras did a look-at-me strutting bump-and-grind as they filed out, which is exactly what we saw on 8/14/98 during Brooke's murder trial for killing Jim Thomasen. Sometimes the extras can be the most entertaining part of the show] Bianca leaves the stand and rushes down the aisle into Leo's comforting arms. Opal watches with pity. She and Erica exchange looks of helplessness.

In the courtroom, Erica wanders around until everyone but Chris leaves [because the courthouse doesn't have any OFFICES or conference rooms for people to talk in]. She tells him there is NO WAY she's going to allow him to interrogate Bianca -- he's going to put her on the witness stand in her own defense! He refuses. He says putting her on the stand would be judicial hari-kari because Jackson will slice and dice her testimony and she'll dissolve right there on the stand. Erica says she will take that chance [she's had enough experience with it] because she is NOT ashamed of Bianca -- she LOVES her and is PROUD of her and she wants Bianca to KNOW that. He suggests a telegram because he will NOT put her on the stand and he WILL interrogate Bianca, albeit with velvet gloves. He loves Erica and will do whatever he can to keep her out of prison -- conversation OVER.

CHANDLER TUNNELS

Mateo hugs Hayley and says he knows how hard this all is, blah, blah, blah, but he lit the fuse on this whole Proteus thing [not to mention a tunnel-full of candles] and it's too late to turn back. She says she not asking him to do that, but don't forget they have lives together and that matters, too. He says that has to be put on hold a while longer -- Proteus is about to blow and he doesn't want Hayley anywhere near the fallout. She says she's not afraid. He says she should be. BTW, was she followed? She pulls out the old PI-who- knows-when-she's-being-followed routine. He frets that it's too risky for her to come to the tunnels. She says he must be VERY afraid because it would take a mountain of fear for him to forget what day TODAY is.

Hayley hands Mateo a wrapped present. He asks who the present is for and Hayley tells him they're going to have to light a birthday candle for every brain cell he's lost [BWAAAHHAHAHHAAAA! That would provide enough light to see it from a satellite] He realizes that it's his birthday. He opens the box and pulls out something blue and round that has writing on the front which says: "Happy birthday, Daddy. Love, Enzo" He turns it over and finds a little handprint embedded in the hardened clay. He loves it and thinks Enzo has GREAT handwriting :-) She makes him promise that next year they won't be celebrating his birthday [OKAY!] in some batcave [Oh :-(] He promises that by this time next year Proteus will be in jail and this will all be over. She says Proteus' name is not allowed in there because it's THEIR place. She decides to give him HER present now and pulls a blue teeny-tiny negligee out of her shopping back. Mateo grins hugely, since he knows he looks good in blue. She says she just wanted him to have something to remind him of what's waiting at home when he's done with Simone. [Did you know the actress playing Simone was in the movie "Breast Men"? She plays a patient that couldn't BELIEVE they charged $$$$ to put silicone implants in and will now charge even MORE $$$$ to take them OUT, PLUS even more $$$$ to replace them with newer, safer saline implants.] Hayley denies being jealous.

Later, they are basking in afterglow on the aforementioned (very wide) cot. His cell phone rings and he reluctantly breaks apart from Hayley to answer it. He has a tattoo on his right biceps, BTW. Vanessa, calling from her limo, which is apparently her mobile headquarters, waits until he answers to pick up the voice-altering device, lick it, then attach it to her phone. She then wishes Mateo a happy birthday. Has he been a good boy? He and Hayley look all around them, wondering if Proteus has cameras and/or microphones in the tunnels. Mateo hangs up on Vanessa and settles back to bite his fingernails and think [yeah, it's a stretch, especially during the PSS (Post Sex Stupid) period. Maybe he should think about the fact that he just hung up on Proteus. He didn't HAVE to answer it -- he could tell Proteus he was taking a dump at the time]

CHANDLER HOUSE

Adam and Liza return to the living room and assume Hayley went upstairs. Adam frets about Hayley being so down because of Mateo. [Oh please she was WAY more depressed when they broke up in the summer of 1999] Liza looks pleased. Adam wonders about her "I have a secret and I'm not going to tell you what it is" look. She's apparently pleased that he's changed in the way he is with Colby, JR and Hayley. He says that's not a newsflash; she's been commenting on them for weeks. She says she said the words, but that doesn't mean she MEANT them. She wasn't sure he could be the kind of father he needed to be for his kids. She apologizes for giving him the impression everything was fine when it wasn't fine. Adam: "Ok. Well, there's no need to apologize. Because the truth is everything you were afraid of, I was. I broke your heart and your trust. I knew it was going to be a long road back before we could be where we were before." Liza: "Well, we're not back, but we're better. I know that I want to be your wife for the rest of my life. I want to watch Colby grow and thrive with you." Adam: "That's all I've ever wanted." Liza: "Well, we should make it happen." [Wuss! I suppose this is the cue for the pushy PI/Lawyer and/or Ryan to ruin it -- AGAIN] Every time she gives in to Adam it makes me want to puke] They kiss long and passionately.

DAVID'S CABIN

Anna says she's onto his nobility attempts, which probably embarrasses him since he's normally such a cynic. She thinks it's heroic, especially since he's risking his own life. [Stupid or heroic? Make up your mind!] He worries about her jeopardizing his medical license, which would KILL him. He has the potential of saving THOUSANDS of lives! She says the only life he's interested in saving is Dixie's. He's still in love with her, isn't he? [Duh! Actually, I think OBSESSED is a more accurate description]

He says his feelings for Dixie are not the point. She insists it IS the point -- he's risked EVERYTHING to find a cure for a disease that Dixie doesn't even HAVE yet [he should try to find a cure for terminal stupidity, because Dixie has that in SPADES] He asks what she plans to do with her knowledge of his research and she says maybe she can help him by being an assistant or something. He smiles and asks if she means to be kind of like his Igor. She wouldn't go THAT far. He asks for her notes from the night before and says that one good thing about what happened the night before is that he now knows he can save Dixie [in what way did he PROVE that? All he did was nearly kill himself] He suddenly collapses, grabbing at his chest. She helps him to sit down and says it's an interesting role reversal. Sexy saxophone music plays as David caresses her face and they passionately kiss. [Let me get this straight -- he's possibly having a HEART ATTACK and they decide it's a great time to have SEX? These people are INSANE!]

Later the duo don their jackets to leave [so we don't know if they had sex or not, but the saxophone is a pretty good indication]. She says she WILL earn his trust. He says they'll see about that. She walks past him toward the door, but he snags her purse, unzips it and pulls out a syringe. David: "What was that you were just saying about trust?" They stare.

CHANDLER HOUSE

Liza and Adam walk back downstairs, still redressing themselves after a presumably hot and heavy sex romp. They profess their love and Liza says life will take care of itself. The doorbell rings and Adam goes to answer it. Liza gazes at a family photo of Adam, her and Colby. Adam walks back in holding an envelope and looking very grim. Liza asks who was at the door. He stares and she asks what's wrong.

Adam shows her the divorce papers that were just delivered. They stare.

PV COURTROOM

The courtroom is filled again. Myrtle comforts Erica. Leo and Bianca return. He rubs her back and says as soon as she finishes her testimony they'll get out of there and go get something to eat and just chill. Bianca and Erica stare at each other. Bianca turns back to Leo and says she has to stay there for her mother, no matter what. He takes a seat as Bianca returns to the witness box, despite not having been officially called back to it. Stamp stands up to do his bit [and I do mean BIT], but Erica jumps up and insists on saying something. She tells the judge that Mr. Stamp is no longer her attorney and, as of this moment, he is FIRED. Lots of courtroom babble ensues. Chris slams down some papers and grits his teeth.

The judge bangs his gavel and impotently (or at least ineffectively) demands order in the court. Erica tells the judge she has the right to hire and fire her own attorney. He agrees. She says she'll represent herself now, and she excuses Miss Montgomery from the witness stand. She calls herself as her first witness. Bianca looks at Jack as if to ask if Erica can actually DO this. Jack tosses down his pencil and shakes his head at Bianca to indicate that he can't stop HurriKane Erica. Chris juts his jaw in frustration.

ON THE NEXT AMC

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Anna teasingly asks David: "Before I tell you what I'm going to do, why don't you tell me how it works."

Adam, in defeat, tells Liza: "After everything we've been through, if you still want a divorce, then you show me where to sign."

Jack (wearing reading glasses on the end of his nose so that you know he's VERY serious) says: "Something has come to my attention, something which alters everything about this trial."

Irreverently submitted,

Robin "so much for cutting to the chase" Coutellier