Friday Update
September 7, 2001

PREVIOUSLY ON ALL MY CHILDREN

In Greenlee's Enchantment office, Laura tells Greenlee that they have to lay down some ground rules. Greenlee is incredulous and says: "How LAME are you, THREATENING me?" She grins at Laura's naivete. Laura, unfazed, tells her to just stay away from her and her marriage.

At the hospital, Joe tells Tad that he has to abide by the Board's decision. Tad: "The Board's DECISION was to treat you like some kind of DOORMAT!"

On Adam's jet, Mateo tells the steward/pilot to "make sure you take her back to wherever she came from." (regarding Arlene)

In the hospital, Hayley holds her adorable newborn son and then, appalled, asks him: "What happened to your HAIR?"

PV HOSPITAL

Hayley holds the call button close to her mouth and demands: "Nurse would you PLEASE come in here?" The intercom must come with the expensive, deluxe, private room, because I would think most nurses would never get anything done with patients constantly haranguing them. [It might have come in handy when my Mom was there, though, and the guy across the hallway (the one with the oxygen tank) insisted on lighting up cigarettes constantly.] Hayley asks if the nurse was with her baby when he was taken for a bath. The nurse says she WAS, but his grandmother stopped by and the nurse was paged, so she stepped out for a second. [There were several babies in the room -- yeah, like Arlene could get in there in the FIRST PLACE, let alone be LEFT there!] Hayley points out the bald spot on the baby's head, freaking out that Arlene was alone with him in the nursery. Mateo and the nurse don't see the bald spot. Mateo tries to calm Hayley down, saying the baby is okay NOW. Hayley: "Mateo, what part of this aren't you understanding? She was alone with our son and she had scissors -- or a knife. What if she -- what if she hadn't stopped with his hair?

Out in the hallway, Tad is haranguing [my word for the day] Joe for letting David Hayward walk all over him, especially when they were thisclose to getting him out of their lives for good! David made a FOOL of all of them, along with Palmer. And now Joe wants to just sit back and TAKE it? WHY?" Joe looks uncomfortable and just grits his teeth. His head keeps slowly wobbling like a Thumbelina I had when I was a little girl.

In a waiting area, David reiterates his question to Jake. Does he want to work with him? Assuming he can put aside his personal feelings, of course. Jake folds his arms and glares at him. Dixie asks why Jake should bother. David says the Warneford Chair [why would someone work with David just for furniture?] is an opportunity of a lifetime and perhaps Jake would like to be known as a GREAT doctor instead of just a good one. Jake continues to fold and glare. Dixie says Jake is a better doctor than David will EVER be because he genuinely cares about people. Jake is starting to look thoughtful and paces a little, but still folds and glares. She accuses of using Uncle Palmer like some puppet to get him back on the staff and now he wants to gloat and offer a handout to Jake? Dixie: "Well, I'm sorry, he doesn't need your help. Come on, Jake, let's get out of here!" Jake, of course, tells her to wait a second. He wants to hear more about David's opportunity. Dixie's jaw drops. Staring each other down and thrusting out their chests (Jake still folded), David asks if he is GENUINELY interested and Jake asserts that he' still listening. Dixie stares.

In Hayley's room, Mateo holds the baby and jokes that he looks kind of cruel with a crewcut. Hayley is in NO MOOD for jokes. He says he's just trying to lighten things up and doesn't want Hayley to be scared. He tells her he put Arlene on a plane and told the steward not to let her off until it landed. Mateo: "Now, your mother probably's going to slither off into the sunset somewhere and she's never coming back, ever." [She was just THERE, you IDIOT! What's your definition of "never coming back", a nanosecond?] The nurse offers to take the baby back to the nursery, but Hayley says he's NEVER going back there -- he's staying in there with HER. Mateo thanks the nurse and dismisses her. He tells Hayley it's over. Hayley is just getting started on a rant, going on and on about Arlene not even PRETENDING to be just a normal person, etc., etc., and ending with "And THEN it's not enough for her to just see her grandson. She's got to LOP off a lock of his hair, like some sort of SICKO -- like a sick, twisted PSYCHOPATH!" Mateo: "That's Arlene." Hayley continues that part of her even WANTED her there to share in the moment because she just keeps hoping that Arlene will change. It must be post-partum depression. Mateo says Arlene KNEW Hayley wanted her there -- she's not STUPID. Hayley doesn't understand why Arlene has to be so sad and alone. She then makes excuses about Arlene KNOWING this would probably be her only chance to see her grandson so she wanted to take a memento (his hair). Mateo: "Don't make this into some type of greeting-card situation here. It was sick and twisted what she did, all right? She's not a nice person. And you would realize that if you weren't, you know --" Hayley: "Ok, don't." Mateo: "Emotionally impaired." Hayley: "Don't EVEN, don't go there!" Mateo: "Well, you ARE!" Hayley says she hasn't forgotten all the horrible things Arlene has done. Mateo says they should forget them and put them in the past where they belong. They have more important things to think about, like what sports the baby is going to play. Hayley sniffles and asks him if he thinks she fat. Mateo tries to think fast [VERY difficult for him] and then says he thinks they need to get a bigger car like a station wagon or an SUV. Hayley is insulted: "Do you think I'm _SUV_ fat? He says he thinks they are going to have more than one kid. Hayley gives him a brilliant smile. They hold hands and grin.

Although they are on the sun porch, for the first time in history, Joe carefully and deliberately closes doors for the sake of privacy. He strides back over to Tad and says: "So that's how you see it, huh? I just go along and take it [he starts breathing a little harder] and never get angry?" He starts to lose his famous cool. "MY GOD, I could knock you right on your arrogant backside, telling me I gave David Hayward a pass! Where have you been, Tad?" His voice changes from impassioned to FURIOUS! Tad frowns. Joe: "Are you blind? Are you DEAF? HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW? I'VE DONE EVERYTHING I COULD TO GET RID OF THAT ARROGANT -- that son of a --" He pauses for a second to get a grip. Joe: "I'm the one who FIRED him! I'm the one who BANNED him from this hospital -- MY DECISION! And I'd make that decision again if I only had a BOARD to back me up! But you were THERE! You SAW what happened! They didn't back me up, they TURNED on me! So now he's back on staff and there's nothing -- NOTHING -- I can do about it! And all that -- [he looses his tie God, ALL THAT IS BAD ENOUGH! But now I got my own SON rubbing my FACE in it!" [I'm not sure I've ever seen Joe quite this angry] Tad hesitates only a moment before stepping up, thrusting out his chin and challenging him with: "He's down in Reception right now and he's rubbing JAKE'S face in it. He thinks he won today. I intend to make sure he knows he's WRONG!" He steps past Joe to leave, but Joe grabs his arm, whips him around and violently shakes him, demanding: "What are you trying to do that _I_ couldn't do, huh? What are you going to do after you go after David Hayward? You going to go and beat up on OLD Palmer Cortlandt? And then go after the board members? What are you going to do? You got to face it -- the good guys lost this time! ACCEPT IT!" He angrily jerks away from Tad. Tad: "No, you mean GIVE UP. That's my problem -- my FATHER taught me NEVER to give up!" Joe is breathing hard and stares at him.

Meanwhile, back in the hallway, Dixie pleads with Jake, saying whatever David is offering has GOT to be a con! Jake shrugs and says he doesn't know. He asks how David managed to get his hooks into the Warneford Chair. David says he doesn't know -- he'd been applying for years and they finally came through. They're talking about a lot of money, not to mention prestige. Now that he's been reinstated, he won't have to turn them down. Dixie scornfully says: "And now you're just DROOLING!" [Considering the buxom profile she's showing him, I'd say so.] She continues to butt into Jake's business by telling David Jake isn't interested. Jake, still folded, asks her if she finished. She stares. He asks David about funding and groundbreaking. He wonders if they would be eligible for the Warneford Prize, the Nobel of the medical world. David notes that Jake's eyes have lit up. He walks over to Jake, saying the Prize represents work on the cutting edge, and Jake has dreamed of winning one. Jake corrects him, saying he's dreamed of helping people, but wouldn't turn down the honor. [Jake's forearms and hands are turning blue from lack of circulation due to his still-folded arms]. Dixie asks what they are talking about -- they have NOTHING in common! David says she's wrong -- all doctors have a desire not just to cure illnesses but to prevent them in the first place. Jake says that's true, but why is David asking HIM to be an associate -- there are other doctors, one of whom might actually LIKE David. What does David want from JAKE?

David agreed that he would take someone else who didn't actually hate his guts over Jake in a heartbeat, but he'd be hard pressed to find a better diagnostician with his qualifications [he was born in 1979, how seasoned could he BE?] David holds out a brochure on the Warneford Chair. Jake, still folded but for a brief moment of lifting a forearm to gesture once, stares at it. Dixie asks David if he's CRAZY! Then she asks Jake if he's seriously CONSIDERING this -- he DESPISES the man! Jake agrees with that and Dixie sighs in relief. Too soon, however, as Jake asks how David proposes they work together. David hands him the brochure, which he takes this time, and tells him to think about it. Jake's beeper goes off and he leaves. Dixie watches in consternation as he leaves. David starts to say something, but she cuts him off, telling him not to even TALK to her -- she doesn't even want to HEAR it! She stomps away and he turns to watch with vague disappointment.

Meanwhile, back in Hayley's room, they are going through the list of suggested names for the baby. People called, wrote and sent email with suggestions. Some names: Angel, Jorje and Elvis, all of which are rejected, although Jonathon has possibilities. The nurse brings Hayley's food and Hayley asks when she'll be sprung from the joint. The nurse says she'll let her know. Hayley says "we'll let you know" means "no way, Jose". Mateo assures her she's a natural at being a mom already since she knows the code. For instance, "we'll see" means NO. Hayley frets and says she hopes he's right about being a natural. He says she'll be a GREAT mom. She grimaces at the food and refuses to eat. He eats her applesauce and says he bought a rocking chair for the nursery. He's practicing for those 4am feedings when it's HIS turn. She scoffs at the possibility of every being able to wake Mateo up for that. He insists he will. They talk about a christening and she reminds him that they need a NAME first. Mateo tells her when he was a little kid he took one look at his dog and knew exactly what to name it -- Goofy. Hayley gets a bright idea and tells him she's figure out how they are going to name the baby. I shudder to think what Disney character will be chosen -- Prince Charming Santos perhaps?

ADAM'S JET

Arlene slides a picture of her grandson (along with a hunk of his hair) into a mini photo album near a photo of Hayley as a baby. She calls the steward over to brag about the photos and her. She pulls out a mini-bottle of booze to celebrate. Arlene: "My daughter's not going to know how loving I'm going to be, and I owe it all to this little heartbreaker. Here's to you, baby." She chugs.

Later, Arlene is lounging on the couch and looking at the photos and smiling. The steward comes back and says she HAS to keep her seat belt fastened. He leans over her to do so and she leans into it, suddenly the vamp again. He asks what the baby's name is. Arlene says it's Charlie, Charlie Santos. She lounges back (against the Steward this time, who doesn't resist) and looks at the photos again. Arlene: "He's a good boy. His grandmother loves him very, very much." She stares off into nothing and says: "And someday he'll know that." She proudly smiles at the photos again.

ENCHANTMENT

Greenlee feigns nonchalance and asks Laura if it's a problem that her husband is on his way up to see Greenlee. Laura hesitates, then says no. She leaves her mouth open. Greenlee asks for clarification: "Oh, dear. Looks like I've broken one of the rules. I'm sorry, they're so new to me. Was there a rule against Leo coming to visit me at the office?" Laura stares, then whips around when Leo enters the office, saying something about having sheets. Greenlee, thrilled at the unexpected entertainment, watches him stare at Laura. Leo asks Laura what the hell she's doing there. Laura's mouth drops open even more as she stares unhappily at Leo. Greenlee's eyes glint and her grin gets bigger until she closes it (still grinning) and looks down toward her desk in a contrived effort to hide it.

Based on the skyline outside Greenlee's window [if she has her own office, why the hell is she CONSTANTLY using Erica's?], it's night time. Leo asks if Laura is going to tell him why she's there. She counters asking why HE's there. Leo innocently says he's dropping off some tear sheets for Erica, who has been waiting to see them. Greenlee tilts her head almost perpendicular to the floor, grins and raises her eyes meaningfully at Laura. Laura asks Greenlee if she KNEW Leo was going to be there. Greenlee, all business, says it IS in her appointment book, L.D.P. And he IS punctual, which is SO important in the business world. He again asks why Laura is there. She continues to keep her mouth open [apparently she's been hanging around with Gabriel too much]. Greenlee pipes in saying she thinks it was just a spur of the moment thing. She has no problem with that, and Leo doesn't have to know where Laura is every minute, does he? Greenlee: "Ooh -- or is there a RULE about that?" Leo: "Rule?" Greenlee: "You know -- the RULES that you and Laura worked out, the du Pres commandments? Have you forgotten about them? Well, that's ok because I can fill you in. Laura's been coaching me." Laura turns to Leo and gives him a sickly smile, telling him to forget it -- she'll tell him about it at home. It's a JOKE -- Greenlee's not very funny, but it IS a joke. She rapidly tells him not to be late because she's making him a special dinner [what time do they eat? It's already dark out in PV -- it's 7pm in CA, and it won't be dark for another hour at least.] She tries to run out, but Leo stops her and says he KNOWS something is going on here and he wants to know what it is RIGHT NOW! Laura's mouth opens like she's expecting a Boogie Night. Greenlee excuses the lovebirds and goes out for pizza. Laura finally shuts her mouth. She tries to pretend nothing is wrong and wonders why he thinks so. He stares at her, knowingly.

Leo accuses Laura of checking up on him. He says the stress isn't good for her heart and it sure isn't good for THEM. She insists she wasn't checking up on him -- she just had to clear something up with Greenlee. He emphatically says Greenlee is out of his life for good -- why doesn't she BELIEVE him? [Uh, because you're standing in Greenlee's office maybe?] She says she DOES believe him. He asks why she freaked out when he came in, then? She says she was just surprise, that's all. She changes the subject and asks him what a "tear sheet" is. He says it's a copy of an ad for the magazine and shows one to her. She feigns interest, but is really looking at Greenlee's phone, noticing the INTERCOM button. He tells her that changing the subject isn't going to help. She has to trust him or they're in serious trouble! She says she trusts him, it's GREENLEE she's got a problem with. He insists they have no CONTROL over Greenlee, so why don't they just let it GO! It will take a while, but he'll help her do it. They kiss and she surreptitiously presses the Intercom button on the phone.

Greenlee returns, chomping on pizza. She enters her office and closes the door. In the hallway, Laura steps out from wherever it was she was hiding and walks over to the secretary's desk. She hesitates. In Greenlee's office, Leo is sitting down with his feet on Greenlee's desk. It's probably just the camera angle, but it looks like he's wearing size 45 clown shoes :-) She natters about having no self-restraint (re eating the pizza in the elevator). He ignores her and she shoves his clown feet off of her desk. She asks where the wifey went. He says she went home. She asks if he smoothed it over, and he ignores the question, talking about the tear sheets and deadlines. She offers him pizza. He declines, even though she practically shoves it in his mouth.

Out in the hallway, Laura narrows her beady little eyes and glares at Greenlee's door, flashing back to her previous conversation with her where Laura asserts how much Leo loves her and that he belongs to HER and Greenlee taunts her about their mundane sex life, among other things. Back in the office, Greenlee keeps cajoling Leo into taking a bite -- is it too hot for him? She blows on it. He snorts and asks why she's doing this. She says SHE didn't do "this", his little WIFE did -- she comes storming into her office with a lists of do's and don'ts -- mostly DON'Ts because Laura is a kind of glass-is-half-empty kind of gal. He asks her to leave Laura out of this. She asks why they don't BOTH get out of her face. He didn't have to bring the tear sheets -- they could have been messengered over -- is it possible he can't stay away from her? He reminds her that SHE told him to come over so he could get feedback from her and says she just wanted to see him. She says she did not specifically ask for HIM. Greenlee: "I can't afford to make any mistakes ok? I have to PROVE myself on this job [...] I didn't MARRY into it. It must be nice, getting reacquainted with the finer things." She tries to get him to try the cheese. He refuses and says he knows what she's doing and it's not going to happen. As he says this, seductive music (similar to Enigma) plays.

PV HOSPITAL

Hayley is actually eating her roll (or an orange) as she asks if he's told Max yet that he has a baby brother. Not yet. He promises to call later. She says they could tell him together. He thinks a conference call would be great. She says not, she was thinking they would all fly to Texas and introduce Max to his brother in person. Mateo looks dumbfounded [not that dumb ever left him in the first place]. She thinks maybe Max could help them figure out a name. She really wants to do this, right away. Mateo thinks it may be too soon because she's really tired [HELLO? Taking a newborn baby on an UNNECESSARY plane trip? How selfish is THAT? His poor little lungs and ears would have to adjust to the change in pressure, not to mention the recycled, stale air of all the coughing people, jet fumes, bug spray -- BLEAH!] He knows she's worried about Arlene coming back. She says she just wants to keep busy and she's afraid of keeping secrets, being an alcoholic and all. She mentions that Raquel had a big secret in not telling him about having his son Max. He doesn't think Hayley would do something like that. She says she'd TRY not to. Hayley: "I don't want there to be anything -- ANYTHING -- that we're too afraid to tell each other. I mean, even if it's something that you -- something that you're scared of, something -- I don't want the to be any secrets between us." Mateo: "Same with you, same with you, ok? I want to know everything." Hayley: "Ok, deal?" Mateo: "Deal." [Let's try to remember this date and see how long it is before they are keeping secrets, shall we?] They kiss.

Out on the sunporch (once again open to the public), Tad is yelling on his cell phone to a board member, Mr. Delaney, telling him he's not questioning his integrity, he just thinks he didn't have all the facts when he voted to reinstate David Hayward and the board should meet again and rethink their position. Tad hangs up and Joe walks in, much calmer now. Tad snaps that he's NOT going to change his mind. Joe says he's going to antagonize every member of the board for no good reason. Tad: "If that's what it takes, YES!" Dixie clops in, looking really dowdy in that black skirt. She's in a snit as she tells them that David offered Jake a job doing research and Jake DIDN'T SAY NO!!! Tad gets totally snotty with Joe and says: "This is exactly what I was talking about! Getting back on staff was just the first step. Now Hayward's up to something bigger and better, and I guess it's up to _ME_ to stop it!" He stomps out as Dixi and Joe make token efforts to stop him. Joe is worried about what Tad will do next. Joe is breathing hard again and doesn't look so good. Dixie watches in with concern.

Tad ambushes Jake and demands to know every word David said to him. Jake is working on a chart and doesn't look up as he says Dixie didn't take long and informs him that he didn't ACCEPT the job. Tad yanks him around to look at him and says: "Well, of course not! Why would you even consider it? Jake, listen to me, listen to me, that's like saying you'd be willing to work in HELL and all they had to do was tell you they were going to turn up the air conditioning!" Jake says he knows the difference between right and wrong. Tad tells him to remember that there's no such thing as "right" with David Hayward and there never WILL be! Jake gets huffy and says this grant is a big deal and a LOT of money and he'll get to do the research he's always dreamed of doing. Tad scoffs at the idea of research and says "Since when?" Jake says since he's realized that his work is what keeps him going. He can handle David Hayward. Tad looks at his poor, deluded brother and says: "Don't you see what he's doing here, ok? It's NOTHING! It's a SCAM! It's a way to get back at us BIG TIME!" Jake is offended that Tad doesn't think he might get a legitimate offer on his own merits. He starts to walk away, but Tad reiterates David's vendetta against the entire family -- he hates their GUTS and always will! He wants to tear them apart and he's off to a good start if he's gotten to Jake! Jake turns back to him and says: "You're way out of line here! All right, Hayward won that round, you lost. DON'T take it out on me, all right? I haven't accepted anything. [Pager beeps] Jake: "Think I can be bought? I resent like hell that you even think that I can be bought." [I bid 50 cents] He stomps away. Tad fumes.

Hayley has just finished nursing the baby. The nurse hands the baby back to Mateo and asks if they are ready to take the baby home right now. Got a carseat? Check! Mateo says they'll go to Texas as soon as Hayley is rested up. Hayley coos at the baby and promises to never, ever leave him alone. Mateo looks bummed.

ENCHANTMENT

Leo continues to ignore the cheese, so Greenlee seductively pops it into her mouth and slowly sucks her fingers. He reminds her that he said NO and he meant it. Greenlee comes around the desk to face him and says: "Fine. You said no because you're a decent guy. And you hate it that you want me, but you do." Leo: "Oh, you can read my mind now, is that it?" Greenlee: "I don't have to. You want me so bad, you're breaking into a SWEAT! And you want everything you're not getting in that SICKBED with your frigid WIFE. Leo says she's not going to believe it, but she doesn't have anything he wants and he's a lot happier now than he EVER was with her. She scoffs and calls him a liar. Leo: "Oh, you think so?" Greenlee toys with his tie: "Hmmm. Only one way to find out. Why don't we make a little bet? [...] I bet that I can get you back in my bed before your three-month anniversary with your child bride." Leo snorts, but saxophone music plays and if the camera were to pan down, I'm sure we'd see a major hard-on going on in his pants. Instead, we see the tie, pulled taut between them. Out in the hallway, Laura pouts. She gets up the nerve to finally press the Intercom button to listen. She must be wondering where the saxophone music is coming from. She hears Leo chuckle, long and throaty and intimate, and then hears him say to Greenlee: "You are SO going to LOSE that bet! Yeah, count me in!" Greenlee: "I knew you wouldn't say no. Never have and never will." Laura looks like she's been slugged in the stomach and if looks could kill, Greenlee's office would be on fire right about now.

Back in the office (with Laura still listening), Greenlee says: "You're scared! That's why you were laughing." Leo: "No, I can't wait to see the look on your face when you lose." Greenlee: "Oh, you think I'm going to lose? Come on. You want me so bad, you can TASTE it! And, I mean, you're not getting anything from Laura, am I right?" She mimic's Laura: "GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME, LEO! OH, MY GOD, MY HEART!" Leo laughs: "That was Laura?" Greenlee: "Yes! Didn't you recognize the whining tone?" Leo: "You can't do any better than that?" Greenlee: "Well, you know, I was much better with my Opal imitation. There's much more to work with. Zombie Laura isn't even a CHALLENGE." Leo: "'Zombie Laura?' Ok, Greenlee, that's LAME. Please tell me that you can do better than that." Greenlee: "Yes, I can. And I'll even demonstrate the night I win our bet." The door to the office bursts open and Laura enters, crying and staring daggers at Greenlee.

PV HOSPITAL

Hayley is dressed and so is the baby. She coos at him about what a wonderful boy he is and how they are going to Texas where his big brother will let him play with his horsies. She says they have other things there too, like BBQs, rodeos and the Bush girls, who are a little old for him, but you never know. The phone rings and Mateo answers. There's no response on the other end, though, until suddenly someone presses touchtone buttons to the tune of "I've Been Working on the Railroad". Mateo: "Arlene? How did you know?" [Maybe they're taking the train] He tells Hayley it's a wrong number. She happy talks babytalk to little Archibald and Mateo looks worried and grim.

Back at the entrance to the sunporch, Tad is yelling on the phone at yet another board member, who hangs up on him. Tad hears thumping on the sunporch and runs to see what it is. He yells "NOOOO!!" as he sees Hayward with his hands around Joe's neck and Joe slumping to the floor, unconscious.

ON THE NEXT AMC:

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Greenlee tells the staring newlyweds: "Call this turkey of a marriage what it is -- a sham. Just face it and move on."

At the PV Inn Bar & Grill, Opal speaks spookily to someone that none of the worried ladies, Erica, Bianca and Myrtle, can see: "Tell me this is not some out-of-body experience." Bianca: "Are you ok?"

Jake walks out of an examining room looking grim [like father, like son]. Tad: "What is it? He's ok?"

Irreverently submitted,

Robin "how about a Rogaine prescription for little Samson?" Coutellier