Friday Update
November , 2001

PREVIOUSLY ON ALL MY CHILDREN

Anna runs her fingers up and down the neck of a champagne bottle and says: "My treat?" David: "Hopefully you have something else special in mind." Anna grins and says: "Definitely."

In the Chandler living room, Ryan tells Liza: "He hired private investigators to dig up my life!" Adam: "He's out of his mind!" Ryan: "And he's saving this stuff like some kind of wacko!"

Laura: "You don't WANT Leo to have any doubts about me and this marriage. You're having enough problems with Greenlee as it IS."

Leo's jaw drops when he walks into Jake's office and finds a naked Greenlee draped across Jake's desk.

CHANDLER HOUSE

Ryan is appalled that Adam investigated even his father and he says NONE of it's true! Mia quietly tells Liza she's SO sorry and touches her shouder in sympathy; Liza responds by jerking around with a vicious glare.

Ryan continues saying the dad info is WRONG -- his dad was a mess, but he was no drug dealer! Adam insists his sources don't make mistakes. Adam apologizes, since he thought Ryan already knew about it. He says one of his investigators found his father's prison record. Ryan asks why he did it. Adam says that Ryan worked for him and ran the company into the ground -- he needed to know if he did it on purpose. Ryan doesn't buy it -- Incredible Dreams went under because Ryan didn't CARE anymore [it went under because it was a stupid idea to begin with] -- this isn't about ID.com, it's about Ryan and Liza! Adam says he thought there WAS no "Ryan and Liza". Ryan says maybe Adam didn't BELIEVE that. Adam testily says he TRUSTS his wife. Liza guiltily closes her eyes. Ryan continues to confront Adam about the file until Liza breaks in and says Adam did it because it's what he does when he needs to be in control. Liza: "Actually, it's something he swore he would never do again -- go behind people's backs and lie to their faces. Right, Adam?"

Adam demands that Ryan Lavery or Curry or whatever-the-hell his name is LEAVE the house, RIGHT NOW so Adam can be alone with his wife. Ryan doesn't think Liza wants that and just gives Adam a mirthless smile. Liza tells him she's not afraid of Adam and apologizes that he got dragged into it. Adam watches suspiciously as they talk in code. Liza: "You were a friend when I needed one, and I won't forget it." Ryan: "You were the same to me." She says she needs to speak to her husband alone. Ryan and Mia leave, taking the file with them. Adam impotently flaps his arms and tells Liza that he can explain this. She doesn't want to hear any more lies. He KNEW what was at stake: their lives, their family, the rest of their lives together, and he chose to gamble it all away for what HE wanted. She hopes it was worth it, because he just lost everything else.

DAVID'S MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY

David reels and pants as realizes Anna has drugged him. He asks what she gave him. She says he's given it to dozens of people -- it's odorless and tasteless. He asks if he's a dead man. She pets his hair and says she wouldn't DREAM of killing him. He should relax and enjoy the ride ([maybe she DID give him Libidozone]. He collapses on the couch and she strolls over to his PC. He yells at her not to touch it, but she merely wishes him sweet dreams. He conks out from the drugs.

Anna attempts to login by trying a few of passwords: Obvious - Proteus. No. They are high up on a mountain - Olympus. No. He's a cardiac surgeon -- something to do with the heart - Dixie. Bingo! [David is SUCH a computer IDIOT!] She waits for a mysterious program to load [it's taking forever -- he needs to upgrade his memory] when David suddenly grabs her from behind. He drags her away as the computer catches on fire, self-destructing Mission Impossible style.

After the commercials, Anna uses a dropcloth to put out the smoldering keyboard. [At this point I notice that smoke is also pouring out of the actual computer itself, not just the monitor and keyboard, so I had to delete my snide remark about the fire not affecting the hard drive. I was about to add kudos for the prop people realizing that, but since she only put out the fire on the keyboard, and the smoke magically stopped pouring out of the computer itself, located UNDER the desk, I'll have to take it back] She asks what the hell happened -- she nearly got electrocuted! He yells that he just saved her LIFE! He's furious -- it took him YEARS to put together that system [I TOLD you he was a computer IDIOT] and she just DESTROYED it in a couple of minutes. She says she's investigating him -- she didn't intend to do THAT! He says she destroyed YEARS of his work! She says it was just the hardware -- he's got it backed up somewhere -- what the hell is he hiding up here? He says he had wanted her to know, he would have TOLD her! He invited her into his BED, not his LIFE! She says at least it wasn't boring, but acts slightly hurt. She quickly goes on the attack, saying it WAS just sex. He accuses her of not playing by the rules. She says she wasn't aware they had MADE any rules, and even if they HAD, he would be the first to break them if he thought she was keeping something from him. She tells him not to think that they were getting involved just because she had sex with him. David: "That's easy for you to say now, but you were singing an entirely different tune while you were wrapped up in the sheets with me!" Anna: "To be honest with you, most of the time I was wondering -- well -- am I making love to Proteus?" David shuffle-stomps and crosses his arms.

PV HOSPITAL

Greenlee, abashed at Leo's entrance, asks what he's doing and quickly jumps up and puts on Jake's labcoat. She tells Leo to get out. He says came to see Jake. She tells him Jake is (obviously) not there. Leo declines to leave and she asks if he's trying to get her arrested -- she's not supposed to be anywhere NEAR him! He tells HER to leave. She doesn't think that's wise since she's only wearing a labcoat. Leo says he's there to talk about Laura. Greenlee doesn't see why since Jake is no longer on the case -- why doesn't Leo consult with his brother? Leo grouses about Jake's demeanor with Laura and says he's freaking her out. Greenlee is quick to defend Jake: "Jake is the most ETHICAL, caring person I know! He wouldn't do anything -- ANYTHING -- to upset a patient!" Leo asks why, if this is true, Jake is making Laura feel like a second class citizen. Greenlee: "Because she's NUTS! And Jake's ON to her!" Greenlee smiles and asks if Leo is FINALLY admitting it to himself what he's known all along -- Laura's crazy.

Greenlee delights that Leo finally believes her, and she jumps with glee. Leo says he never said that and she urges him not to back away from it, even though she knows it's hard. He says that if anyone is crazy, it's HER, pointing out that SHE's the one without any clothes on. She says it doesn't matter -- at least now he's SAFE! He keeps alluding to her being crazy, not to mention naked, and she keeps talking about how happy she is that he's seen the light. She walks around the desk to him and talks about being able to help him get away from that raving lunatic. She grabs him, hugs him, ruffles his hair and kisses him. He seems to be enjoying it. Jake walks in looking unpleasantly surprised.

When Jake slams the door, the kissing duo break apart. Greenlee whirls and happily informs Jake that Leo is now on THEIR side and admits his wife is a certified Looney Tune. Leo denies ever saying that. She asks why he's there, then. Leo says he TOLD her. He tells Jake he doesn't like the way he's treating his wife. Jake flutters his eyelids and opens his mouth for a few beats, then asks why, because he's been honest with her? Leo says that's not what SHE says. Laura says Jake has been treating her like some kind of suspect and has been judging her, which crosses the line. Jake: "Hmm. Well, let me get this straight. I walk into MY office and I find you cuddling MY half-naked girlfriend, and WHO'S the one who's crossed the line?" Greenlee says she didn't do it for Leo, she did it for HIM. She demonstrates by flashing the labcoat open and saying: "SurPRISE!" Jake says it HAS been one of those kind of days where people keep surprising him. He admires the view for a few moments, then turns back to Leo and asks if Laura happened to mention that she threatened him. Leo: "Oh, now you're blaming the victim?" Jake says there IS no victim. He hasn't done anything unprofessional or inappropriate. He says Laura has warned him that she's going to make trouble, and he's not going to stand for it! He tells Leo that he can tell Laura that if she tries to hurt his career or reputation, she'd better be ready for a fight. Leo: "At her expense?" Greenlee says JAKE didn't start this; Leo tells her to stay out of it. Jake says she TRIED to stay out of it, but Leo dragged her into court and had her arrested [wouldn't that be the other way around?] Leo says HE didn't do that -- that was Brooke and Laura's doing. Jake asks if Laura is the one calling the shots now. Leo says HE's the one who brought the situation back in control in the courtroom and he DEFENDED Greenlee's little butt. Jake says Greenlee didn't do anything wrong, and didn't NEED defending, whereas LAURA is the one who is out of control. Leo says that statement proves his point about Jake disrespecting Laura. Jake says he doesn't get it -- Laura is manipulating him at every turn and dragging him all over town by the nose. Greenlee pounds on the desk to get them to stop arguing. Still in denial herself, Greenlee says they're all on the same side. Leo looks down and chooses his words. He says they're NOT -- not even CLOSE. She says she knows he's in full denial and having a hard time adjusting, but he's finally realizing what she and Jake have known all along -- that his crazy wife is going to self-destruct. Laura walks in and hears that last part.

Laura tries the slam the door, but the hydraulics make it kind of a bust, even though Jake was able to do it earlier. She asks what the HELL is going on there. Leo whips around and leans a hand on the desk, nonchalantly saying: "Hey!" in a greeting sort of way. Greenlee warns not for anyone to make any fast moves. Laura points at Greenlee and says: "I am NOT crazy!" She turns to Leo and says: "But you seem to think I am!" He says no, it's all a big misunderstanding. She says that Greenlee said he agreed with her that she's about to self-destruct!" Leo denies saying that. Laura, who never believes ANYTHING Greenlee says, asks why Greenlee would make that up. Leo asks why Greenlee does ANYTHING and tells her not buy into it and let Greenlee win by breaking them apart. Laura calms down and says Greenlee is not going to break them apart. She doesn't blame Leo -- after all, SHE started it by telling him about Jake, didn't she? He says yes, he came there to talk to Jake about it. Laura: "Yeah, and look who was lying in wait -- our resident SLUT!" Greenlee: "Excuse me?" Laura asks what happened then -- did Greenlee jump all over him? Greenlee says she was just happy that he was finally seeing the truth. Laura walks closer and says: "So you took your clothes off to celebrate?" Greenlee: "You know, you might want to look at the NAME on the door. This is JAKE'S office. I was in here making myself at home for JAKE when Leo came barging in." Laura says that's when Greenlee should have left, but she didn't, which means she is in direct violation of the court order. Laura, thrusting her belly out, practically bending over backward in smugness, picks up the phone and dials 911. Greenlee asks who she's calling. Laura: "Who do you think? The cops. You're going to jail for this." [She reminds me of my brother and I when we were kids. We'd be grounded and stand in the doorway talking to our friends (but we couldn't go outside). Then one of us would shove the other one outside and narc to Mom: "Moooommm!! Robin/Eric went outsiiide!!"] Leo grabs the phone from her and says: "Uh - no." She looks at Leo with an I-BEG- your-pardon? look.

THE BOATHOUSE

Ryan walks in and looks up down and around, flapping his arms in silent angst. Then he just stares. Mia bops in, but keeps her distance. He glances at her, but doesn't turn to face her. She asks him not to turn his back on her. He says he has nothing to say and he REALLY doesn't like being followed. [Are you kidding? That's all anyone ever DOES in Pine Valley] She says she can't just leave it like this and has to tell him what happened. He saves her the trouble and says she MAY have gotten involved, but Adam got her started, right? She admits it's true and that Adam knew how much she wanted Liza to treat her like a sister. Ryan guesses that Adam promised to give her that and asks what Adam wanted in return. She hesitantly says Adam wanted her to spy for him. She admits to going through Ryan's personal things, but swears she didn't take anything and that Adam got his file of info from someone else. He says that then she didn't keep her end of the deal. She says she COULDN'T, not after they "got close". Ryan: "We had sex?" She says that may have been it to Ryan, but it was more for her. He elaborately sits on the bench and wonders why -- they don't have a long history or anything. She says it's hardly been any time at all, so it's hard for her to explain, but he matters to her. Ryan magnanimously says he doesn't blame her for this; she was lonely and vulnerable and that's the way Adam operates; she was not alone; Adam has done the same thing to Ryan and Liza. Mia then asks the question almost everyone watching asks, namely: "Why does she stay with him, then?" She asks that as if she were asking why anyone would lick maggots. Ryan wishes he knew the answer to that one.

CHANDLER HOUSE

Adam tells Liza to calm down. She says she IS calm. Adam admits he's guilty as charged of manipulating people. Adam: "I broke the promise. It wasn't exactly a promise I made voluntarily, was it? You gave me no CHOICE! You -- you said you were going to take my DAUGHTER away from me!" Liza: "And I meant that." Adam: "Well, then you tied my hands completely! What was I supposed to do?" Liza: "Well, why not choose to do nothing?" He shouts that she SLEPT with Ryan Lavery -- he caught her in BED with him! Every time he turned around he saw her sneaking off to that sleazy motel to be alone with him and even in public whispering in his ear and holding his hands! He slams the table and says: "I **DID** what **I** DO!!! I FOUGHT BACK!" He says it was his only defense; he didn't want to lose her! She says this wasn't about her or their marriage; he kept promising he would CHANGE. Adam: "What if I changed? Would I be the man that you -- that you fell in love with then? No, no, no. I -- you fell in love with a ruthless, powerful BASTARD who FIGHTS for what he wants! And you know why you wanted that? Because you knew what I really wanted was YOU!" Liza shrugs and says she doesn't know. [I think she's GLAD for the opportunity to break up with him] Adam says maybe she saw a bit of herself in him. She walks over to sit on an arm of the couch and says she hopes not. She folds her arms and grimly looks away from him. Adam: "No! Come on, we're just alike! You know that! If I get jealous, YOU get jealous. That's what got us in this mess in the first place. That's why you slept with Ryan Lavery -- for revenge because I -- I dallied with that damn judge!" Liza: "You know, I'm not JEALOUS of Kaye Campobello!" Adam says that's good, because she doesn't mean a damn thing. Liza: "Well, you know, that makes me feel SO much better!" For newbies, she reiterates that he did it to get JR out of trouble. He says he'd do it AGAIN! She tells him to STOP using his children as an excuse for doing the things he does. He's done it forever and she is SICK of it! Life is a GAME to him, and nothing matters as long as he WINS! He says no, nothing matters but his FAMILY! And there's nothing he wouldn't do for her! Liza: "That's true. You would stop at NOTHING. And that's the problem." Adam gulps. [How many times are we going to be subjected to this same fundamental argument between these two over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again?]

DAVID'S MOUTAIN HIDEAWAY

Anna says it WAS fun, but it WAS just fooling around. He says that's right and let's just keep it honest. [He sure recuperated from the knockout drug quickly!] She says she's going to bring him to justice if he's guilty. David, now sprawled in a chair in front of the fire, says: "I just want to be clear about something here, ok? Now while you're clawing at my back and calling out my name, now that -- that still falls under the category of WORK, am I right?" She amiably agrees. If he wants rules, those are the rules, and may the best man win. She drinks up champagne and says it's a shame to waste it. She starts to leave, but he grabs her and says she's not going ANYwhere! Saxophone music plays as he says she KNOWS why; there's something else going on. She denies it and says there are plenty of women around that he can control, but she's not one of them. If he wants that kind of girl, he should go back to Dixie! He snarls at her to leave Dixie out of it. She says he's hurting her and to let go. He knowingly says she doesn't want that. She jerks HARD away from him and tells him not to do that again. David: "Oh, I'm SORRY! Did we finally establish a LINE here?" Anna yells: "YES! You think I find it exciting if you push me around?" She's really pissed off now and says: "You FIXED that computer! You knew I would try to get into it and you set it up so I would get HURT! Oh, call me old-fashioned, but I don't SLEEP with a man who tried to KILL me!" [But she DOES sleep with him knowing he's a smarmy creep who has no morals and gets off on emotionally torturing people and is a front-runner candidate for being a ruthless drug lord] She slams out the door. David gets furious, grabs the champagne and throws it at the now-closed door, yelling: "YOU FORGOT YOUR CHAMPAGNE!!" The bottle shatters.

THE BOATHOUSE

[I think the director is telling the young women to thrust their bellies/pelvis' forward and arch their back, because now Mia is doing it, too] Ryan holds a leaf and asks if Mia likes this time of year. She says autumn makes her sad. He says his father, too -- he always hit a wall around this time of year; he'd drink more than ever and kick the boys around more than ever. Then he would dispense his fatherly wisdom and say: "This is all you need to know, son. Life sucks, then you die." Ryan crumples the leaf. Mia sits down next to him and says she had a t-shirt that said that once -- then she'd wonder why she didn't have any dates. She asks if his father was right. He doesn't know -- his father would abuse them all and then just take off. She says that then they would be glad, but that sometimes Ryan missed his father, right? He says yes, even though it's crazy. She says maybe there was some good in him, even though it was buried. Ryan says maybe he just HOPED there was -- and now he's found out that he's a drug dealer; you can't GET much lower than that! Ryan: "What does that make me?" Mia: "Nothing like him." Ryan wishes he believed that. She asks if he thinks he's doomed by a family curse or something. He says yes, and it rubs off on the people he loves. Look what happened to Gillian. Mia: "Was Gillian stupid?" [ROTFLMAOPIMP!!!! I bet the writers had tears streaming down their faces as they pounded on the table and grabbed their guts from laughing so hard!] Ryan thinks about it and predictably says "No." She asks why, then, did Gillian fall in love with him. He says she didn't know his family. Mia says she didn't NEED to know his family -- Gillian loved him for who he WAS, and if he doubts that, he's doubting HER. He warns her not to say that. She says he believed in her and she's SURE Gillian believed in him. Ryan glares.

CHANDLER HOUSE

Liza picks up her purse and tells Adam she has to pack -- they had an agreement which he deliberately broke; she's outta there. He asks about Colby. Liza: "DON'T even ASK about her -- you KNOW she's coming with me!" She starts up the stairs with him on her heels. He stops at the landing and she continues as he yells about her waking their child up in the middle of the night and to at least tell him where she's going. He yells that he has a right to know! He slams some stuff of the edge of a flag-laden table, then sits on it, running his hands through his hair.

PV HOSPITAL

Leo hangs up the phone and Laura argues with him, saying they HAVE to call the police, they have a RESTRAINING order against Greenlee. Leo says it's not her fault, though -- HE'S the one who walked in on HER. Laura: "Waiting for you -- STARK NAKED!" Jake finally speaks up and says: "Wait, wait, wait, wait! She was waiting for ME and she was INVITED! You and Leo are INTRUDERS, so leave! I MEAN ***NOW*** OR I'M CALLING SECURITY!!" Greenlee grins. Laura: "You hear how he's talking to me?" Leo says they are leaving. Laura keeps protesting, but he herds her out the door. Greenlee giggles and joyfully tells Jake that Leo is starting to figure it out! Jake isn't nearly as happy about it as Greenlee is, but says it looks that way. She says Leo kept Laura from calling the cops. He says yeah. He turns and looks like a puppy dog as he says he wishes it didn't mean that much to her. She melts and says: "Please. Come on, you can't be jealous. I mean, I was naked on top of WHOSE desk?" She runs a finger down his chest. Jake sheepishly grins and says: "Mine." Being a Martin, however, he quickly gets dour once again. He sits on the edge of his desk and says that he talked to Laura earlier and she asked why, if he was really on to her, he didn't tell Leo. He thinks that's a good question, because he SAW her trying to frame Greenlee and he kept his mouth shut. She says he didn't want to hurt Leo. He says maybe it was because he didn't want to give Leo a reason to break up with Laura, because if he did, he knows what he would want more than anything in the world. She says she and Leo are over. Jake says he doesn't know that -- and neither does she. She looks defeated. He asks if Laura is right -- is he being quiet because he's afraid of losing Greenlee?

SOS

Laura and Leo walk in and Leo asks if they can pretend what just happened didn't happen. Laura: "Just give up that image of Greenlee naked with her arms around your neck?" [Huh? Laura didn't arrive until well after that point -- Greenlee was on the other side of the room from Leo when Laura walked in] He says they'll run into Greenlee from time to time, but it doesn't mean they have to give in to it. He orders drinks (iced tea for Laura) and they sit at a table. He says they should focus on more positive things, like their wedding. Speaking of which, they haven't picked out their costumes yet. Laura: "What costumes?" He says it's that time of year, Halloween, so he thought they'd turn the rehearsal dinner into a costume party [all the better for Greenlee to disguise herself]. Laura: "You're kidding, right?" He guesses she hates the idea. She smiles and says no, she LOVES it [all the better to kill Greenlee while in disguise], as long as she can do some traditional girly things, like their names embossed on napkins. She says she needs a legible signature from him. She holds her breath as he writes his name on a napkin [all the better to somehow plant it and get Greenlee in trouble] He goes to talk to Mateo about a costume catalog [apparently SOS is an all-purpose kind of nightclub -- do they sell toilet paper in bulk at a discount and give eye exams in the corner?] Not wanting to waste a second, Laura immediately starts carefully writing on the napkin, holding her mouth open the entire time, as if she's applying lipstick. She gives an evil grin, then surveys her handiwork, which reads: "Greenlee, I have to see you -- Leo". [Leo and Greenlee have cell phones -- why wouldn't he just CALL Greenlee instead of writing it on a napkin?]

PV HOSPITAL

Greenlee asks if Laura was right. Jake says he doesn't know -- could he really BE that selfish? [He tried to take custody of someone else's baby, so I believe he the answer is "affirmative"] She says maybe for once in his life he should say "The hell with it!" and just grab what he wants [see above comment on custody] He says maybe he's right -- he's been a good guy ALL THE TIME. She points out that he always wants to be fair. He says not if it means losing HER. She says they did their best to open Leo's eyes. He asks of she thinks they should warn Leo. Greenlee: "And rain all over their wedding? No." He asks what about HER, with this big splashy wedding coming up. She says they're ALREADY married, but she looks a little disconcerted. He suggests they get the hell out of Dodge. Greenlee weakly asks: "Camping?" He says they don't have to go CAMPING. She suggests a fabulous resort or spa and says she'll take her own advice and say "Ah, the hell with it!" She says she would follow him to the very ends of the earth! [Didn't she say that to Leo, too?] He thinks that's great. She goes to put her clothes on, but he stops her, grinning. He turns out the light and locks the door [Hello? We can still see in the door window!] They kiss passionately and the labcoat comes off again.

THE BOATHOUSE

Ryan mopes about Gillian, who made him want to be a better man -- he says he TRIED. Mia says he sounds like he didn't make it there. He asks how he'll ever know. Mia shrugs and asks if Gillian was happy. He hopes so, then says yes, she WAS happy. She asks if that's not enough. He says it WAS. Mia: "But?" Ryan says he thought that when Gillian was pregnant, there was a chance of ending the family curse. She had so much love inside her that he thought it would erase everything bad that had happened in his past and that raising her child would be a new beginning. But she lost the baby and the new beginning was gone. He looks bleakly at Mia, who sympathetically looks back.

CHANDLER HOUSE

Liza descends the stairs with Colby in tow. Unlike the average woman who leaves her husband and takes the children, Liza carries a bag not much bigger than a large purse. She says she'll send for her things. Colby is dressed in a pink coat with black buttons and a black pillbox/beret hat, somehow bringing the image of Jackie Kennedy to mind [I'm guessing it's Baby Dior]. Adam asks her to at least tell him where she's going. Liza says she'll let him know when she gets there. Liza stops at the front door as Adam looks agonizingly at Colby. He asks if he can kiss Colby goodbye. Colby goes over for a hug. He clearly loves her, which gives Liza pause. He kisses Colby and promises he'll see her soon. She and Liza leave. Adam watches them forlornly from the front door. [You'd think he'd be used to this by now -- doesn't Liza leave him for parts unknown, taking Colby, at least once a month?]

ANNA'S CAR

Anna drives and mutters about David driving her crazy. She's suddenly blinded by a bright light [the mother ship coming to take her home?] and swerves off the road. It's hard to say if the loud sound that follows is a crash or lightning or both.

ON THE NEXT AMC:

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David asks Edmund: "Why are you looking for Anna here in the hospital?"

Greenlee tells Brooke: "We're getting out of town for the rest of the week." Brooke: "So, Jake, what do I owe you?"

A woman with curly red hair lovingly hugs Laura and whispers: "You owe me 200 bucks, like, right now, Sweetie." Leo watches.

Leslie, wearing a blonde wig and a wedding dress, looks in the mirror and says: "Get ready, Tad. Here comes the bride."

Irreverently submitted,

Robin "Does Jake keep condoms in his office? Will the janitor notice?" Coutellier