Friday Update
March 9, 2001

PREVIOUSLY ON ALL MY CHILDREN

Ryan to Gillian: "We have a wedding to plan, a Hungarian honeymoon." Gillian: "So, then, April 8 it is?" Ryan: "I can't wait!"

Alex to Anna: "I need to get you to a facility where I can run some tests." Anna: "America?"

Tad to Liza, Mateo & Hayley as they watch a TV at the studio: "If David went anywhere near that punch bowl, we got him live and in living color."

Mateo to the air as they see what is ACTUALLY on the videotape: "What the heck is this?"

Leo to the spirit of David as Leo watches the REAL videotape: "Gotcha! Right where I want you!"

THE FIDELITY

Gillian pours some tea as Ryan comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her under her breasts. He says he can't wait a month to put a ring on her finger. She says a month is no time, along with: "Do you know how many people I have to rich?" [Yes, it's SUPPOSED to be "reach", but she SAID "rich"] He reminds her about the invitations. Upon seeing how flustered she is by everything that has to be done, he suggests he helps her with all that after breakfast. They kiss and exchange I-love-yous. They are interrupted, however, by Tad yelling, running and bursting into the cabin to tell Ryan that the tape was a total bust. Ryan points to the box of tapes and Tad runs over to it while Liza suggests he might want to take a minute just to be polite. Tad sheepishly apologizes, but doesn't stop in his quest. He asks if David Hayward had been there. Gillian says no, she's sure; Tad says you can't really be sure, because the man gets around like a mouse. He doesn't find anything that appears to be the real tape in the box, and slams the box down in anger. Liza tells him to calm down. Tad: "Don't tell me to calm down! The footage on that tape was the evidence that I need ... Now, that tape was HERE! And if Hayward didn't steal it, then who did?

Ryan tells Tad that there is no way that Hayward snuck onto the boat and stole the tape. [How would HE know that? Anyone with legs and probably all wheelchair-bound people, as well, can come onto any part of the boat any time they damn well feel like it! Hannibal Lector probably gets wheeled onto it whenever he feels like it!] Liza asks why Tad assumes it was stolen and Tad blows up, going off on a rant: "Because that's exactly the way this whole thing has been playing out ever since the Libidozone mess started, ok? My life is going down a sinkhole, and every time I am close to proving that David's behind it, he's one step ahead of me!" [I notice that Tad's hair is VERY gray (also see below re Alex's hair). It must be the lighting.] Ryan asks what else has happened. Tad fills him in on the Coulsen office-heist of evidence that would incriminate David. Ryan condescendingly says he thinks Tad is really reaching. Tad rants some more about it being David's MO to shoot down something he's accused of, making it sound impossible. Gillian pipes in that David WOULD do anything to get what he wants. Ryan suggests they might have taped over the unlabeled tape. Gillian pipes in that they do it all the time. Ryan says that's very likely what happened. Tad glares and says: "No, it's not. That tape was HERE! David's responsible for its disappearance! I know it!" [I wish he'd stop yelling so much -- it's giving me a headache!] Liza reasonably says they don't have the evidence, so they can't go around accusing David. Tad says he knows that, that's why he was praying that the tape was there -- he just wants a BREAK!

Ryan warily eyes Tad as he gets up to put the box of tapes away. Tad says there HAS to be some tape of what happened on the yacht that night. Liza promises that she will have every P.A. at the station looking at every frame of tape that was shot that night. Tad is somewhat mollified, then turns to apologize to Ryan and Gillian. Tad goes out on deck to get some fresh air. Liza apologetically tells R&G that Tad is desperate and she hopes they understand. Gillian steps forward and says that David makes people desperate, and SHE believes Tad. Who else would have poisoned half the town that night. Ryan throws his hand up and steps up to Gillian, adding that David ruined his company and his reputation -- the only good thing to come out of that party that night was that he got Gillian back. He kisses her and she says it would have happened WITHOUT the Libidozone. They seem to be conveniently forgetting that she a) slept with Jake AND Ryan that night AND b) broke Jake's heart. They offer any help they can and Ryan tells Liza to watch Tad, the implication being that Tad is seriously going off his rocker over this.

DAVID'S OFFICE

As "warning" music plays, Leo walks in, videotape in hand, commenting on the pretty receptionist. David says he may have to fire her -- she's not supposed to let anyone in without an appointment. Leo: "I'm family. Doesn't it make you all warm just thinking about that?" David: "What do you want, Leo?" Leo tosses the tape down on the desk and says: "Merry Christmas. Happy Birthday. Happy -- whatever special occasion you're going to be celebrating for the rest of your life." Leo is wearing a quilted, dark-green, leather jacket, which seems odd and EXTREMELY likely to go out of style within a very short period of time. Leo says it's David's salvation and to pop it in and look at it. David gives him a sour look, but does what he says. He does a double-take as he watches the complicated camera angles used during the casual, unintentional, just-panning-the-crowd shot of him pouring Libidozone into the punch bowl, looking around guiltily, and wiping it off. David demands to know where Leo got it. Leo toys with him, saying that's for him to know and David to find out. David yells: "Don't play games with me, Leo! Where did you get this?" Leo: "You like playing games, David. You're the numero uno game player, right? And this is as about as good as it gets. The stakes are high. Life as you know it is on the line, and this tape -- this tape is proof that you have definitely been the baddest boy in town." David demands to know if there are copies. Leo squints his eyes as if in deep concentration, then glibly says: "That's a smart question. What do you suppose the smart answer would be?" David grabs him and shakes him, yelling at Leo not to play with him. He looks like he's about to kill Leo. Leo just smiles slightly like a cat with canary feathers in its mouth.

David continues to hold Leo's jacket and shake him. Leo looks up at the ceiling as if he's lying back and thinking of England. Leo says it's hard to remember anything when he's being physically threatened. David lets go in a way that's more of an attack than a retreat, then favors his wounded arm. Leo makes a show of trying to remember if he made another copy. He decides the answer is NO, but clarifies that HE didn't make any other copies -- that doesn't mean someone else didn't. Then again, why would Hayley ask for the tape back if they had the footage back at the station? David is astonished that this was from a taping for Hayley's show. Leo: "Yep. And you, my friend, either have the biggest cojones I've ever seen in my life or you're just careless." [This brought to mind an almost painful description of a particular breed of sheep in one of Diana Gabaldon's Outlander novels, wherein the main character marveled at the size of a ram's cajones, which were approximately the size of large cantaloupes and nearly dragged on the ground -- yeah, that pretty much fits David. Now every time he strikes that macho challenging pose, I'll have THAT picture in mind] Leo continues: "I'm not sure which. But, you know, the next time you try to do something nasty, David, you should try not to get caught on tape." David: "This really doesn't prove that *I* spiked that punch." Leo sidles up next to him and points at the tape: "David, you're fishing a flask out of the punch bowl." David says it's a stretch to assume that there was Libidozone in the flask. Leo counters that it's up to a jury to decide. David asks if that's all, because he has work to do. Leo: " Like what? Running a magnet over that videotape?

Leo starts to leave, but turns back and asks when David is going to check his attitude. David: "EXCUSE ME?" Leo: "For the record, the last time I saw you, I wasn't coming for money." David: "Yeah, but I'm sure you cashed the check, right?" Leo: "Just because I have a heart doesn't mean I'm stupid. You can afford to be generous ... Look, if I found that tape and you hadn't given me a dime, I still would have given it to you for free." David: "You'll have to excuse my shock at your generosity, Leo." Leo: "David, the last time I came to see you, I was trying to act like your brother." David brings up Leo's track record and Leo says that people can change and David might want to think about that the next time he grabs Leo by the throat. Leo starts to leave again and a weary David calls him back, sincerely thanking him for the tape. Leo says that's a start. David reminds him that he came to LEO once, trying to be a brother. Leo agrees he blew that off. David says that Leo is right, people CAN change. Leo tells David that he might want to rewind the tape a little -- there's a witness who saw him with the flask, namely Alex Marick. Miracle of miracles, Alex conveniently disappeared right after that. David says he had nothing to do with that. Leo huffs out a dramatic, phony laugh and says: "Do you EVER get tired of saying that?" He finally leaves. David contemplates this new twist, saying: "Unbelievable! Well, I guess I'd better get rid of this tape." He appears to have pressed rewind on the remote.

RAPUNZEL'S TURRET

Dimitri enters the turret and turns on the lights. He tells Edmund that there is no one there and to bring her in. Edmund carries Anna into the room and puts her on the bed. Alex and Bart follow, with Bart fretting about Anna's state of health. Apparently her seizures are happening more often and are more intense. Alex says she has to get Anna to a hospital -- she needs an MRI, an EEG, etc. Bart absolutely refuses to let Anna go ANYWHERE. [I notice that Alex's hair is a lot lighter than it used to be -- maybe lighter than it was earlier in the week. Alex says she doesn't have time to argue, Anna needs to be in a hospital. Bart: "Why not strap a target to her back and drop her at the bus stop?" [Sounds like a plan to ME] Dimitri tries to calm him, saying that they ALL want to save her. Anna sighs and comes to. Bart rushes over. [Anna has highlighted hair TOO; how much of a coincidence is THAT?] Anna looks around and says: "Cinderella's castle." Bart explains where she is and she smiles, saying she was kidding. Then she complains of a headache. He says she had a seizure on the plane. She makes a face and says she's very tired. She drops off again. The other parties continue to argue about treating Anna. Alex says they'll have to bring equipment in, then. She'll ask Joe to help. Bart goes ballistic -- again. [Michael Nader looks like hell and his voice is even more strained than usual, as if he's been yelling a lot (more than usual). I'm wondering if this was his first day back after being arrested for selling cocaine and being hauled off to Bellevue on 2/24/01. The timeframe is about right given that taping is 10-14 days prior to airing. They all look grimmer than usual, but that might be my imagination.] Edmund says he and Dimitri will go if Alex tells them what to get. [A good lawyer and a change of underwear?]

PINE VALLEY HOSPITAL

Leslie is lying on a bed, intubated (breathing tube). Jake stands over her and tells her that she's stable and to hang in there. He opens the door to leave and finds Greenlee standing there with a huge gift basket -- not for Leslie, for Jake as a thank you for being the perfect Eagle Scout. The basket is full of exotic wine, cheese and pate'. She apologizes for saying harsh things to him when he found her drowning her sorrows in the bar. He flirtatiously smiles and says he's a big boy and can take it. [Greenlee's hair is either dirty or has recently been raked with one of those carpet nap thingies. Whoever is doing hair these days needs a refresher course. CORRECTLY highlighted hair is blended, not obviously streaked.] She admits that the microwaved meatloaf was a big stretch for her, and that hard- boiled egg thing in the middle was FRIGHTENING! Soooo, she got this basket so that the next time she eats over there they'll have stuff she likes. Jake: "The next time?" Jake notices chocolate truffles and caviar. Jake says that he actually ASKED his mom to get more caviar. Greenlee thanks him, not realizing he's being facetious. He thanks her and she laughs; just as Leo walks by she says: "My pleasure! I mean, who would have guessed I would have had such a great time spending the night with Dr. Jake Martin?" Leo stops, his eyes darting between the two of them. Greenlee notices and her smile fades.

Leo walks over, peers at the gift basket and asks who the lucky schmo is. He crosses his arms tightly. Greenlee affects her unaffected pose. Without looking at Leo, she dismisses him with her waving hand. She never takes her eyes off of Jake as she says the basket is for him because HE'S a real GENTLEMAN. Leo, still crossing his arms as if he's in a straight-jacket, walks away as Jake thoughtfully watches him. [I notice that Jake has reddish tinges in his hair] Jake says he has to get back to work. Greenlee fawns over him for Leo's benefit, pouting prettily. She reiterates that she had a FABULOUS night last night. She fondles his stethoscope and says she hopes they can pick up where they left off. He pulls her hand away and asks her to take the basket back to his office so he can go finish his rounds. Leo nonchalantly walks past Greenlee (since he didn't go very far to begin with). She takes the basket off the counter and acts as if it weighs about 250 lbs and is dragging her down [despite the fact that Greenlee's biceps are so developed that she could easily bench-press a Volkswagon]. She asks Leo to help her carry it for her. Leo stares for a moment, then, like any guy who completely loses his wits around a beautiful woman, dumbly follows her, carrying the festooned basket. Jake watches, shaking his head and grimacing at the obviousness of Greenlee's childish ploy.

David walks up to Leslie's room and looks through the window for a moment. He starts for her door, but is stopped by Jake. David strikes his challenging pose and asks to see Leslie's chart. Jake refuses. David says he wants to check on her and Jake calmly tells him to forget it. Jake walks over to the nurse's station to write something on his clipboard and David follows [as I envision his balls dragging on the floor], asking him who he thinks he is. Jake says that he's the man who is between David and Leslie at the moment, for her sake. David says he has as much right to check on Leslie as Jake does. Jake: "Don't start whining with ME! I uphold an oath to do no harm. You ever heard of that?" David: "I saved the woman's life! Did you forget that?" Jake: "Oh, I'm well aware of what you did, David. And I also know what you TRIED to do." David starts jabbing his finger at Jake and raising his voice even louder: "You listen to me, you little HACK!" Jake: "Hack?" David: "Don't you start throwing around accusations that you can't prove!" He pauses and lowers his voice as an orderly wheels something by. David: "Look, I don't want to start a scene here" Jake: "Good. Leave." David's mouth goes into that tight little snit position and he stalks away.

Edmund strolls up to the nurse's desk and asks Jake for help. He hands Jake a list of vitamins and asks him to just take a look at them. Jake looks up and says it's some pretty serious stuff -- who's it for? Edmund says they found Alex and she's still alive. [Note that he didn't answer Jake's question.] Jake balks and Edmund lets him think they are for Alex. Jake says he wants to see Alex. Edmund thinks that's a good idea, too, but you know how Alex is. In a classic understatement, Edmund says: "Jake, it's unorthodox, I know. That's why we're here to see you." [BWAHAHHAAAAA] Dimitri walks up, inexplicably wearing his Dilbert-like reading glasses as if they were for distance. Complementing Edmund's understatement, Jake says: "This is against my better judgment, guys, but I'm going to do it for Alex." [I think this is about more than vitamins] It's just between them. From across the nurses's station AND a hallway, David sees them shake hands before Jake leaves to get all the items requested. David follows Jake and lurks in the hall outside the room Jake enters, a speculative look on his face.

Jake leaves the room with a duffel bag and David peers around a corner to watch him hand it over to the Brothers Grim. The trio walks away so Jake can get the equipment they need. David wanders into the open and wonders out loud what the 3 of them could have in common. [They all hate YOU?] He sneaks a look around, then follows them.

Meanwhile, Leo is still carrying the basket for Greenlee. Apparently Jake's office is located several miles from the nurse's station. They stop in the hallway and Greenlee says: "I'm sorry that you had to see Jake and me." Leo: "You are far from sorry, Greenlee, you were preening." Greenlee: "Why would I want to hurt you, Leo?" Leo: "Oh, I don't know." Greenlee: "We all have to move on." Leo: "Is that what we're doing?" Greenlee: "It's for the best." Leo: "I agree. Maybe an upstanding guy like Jake can help reform a chronic liar like you. God knows *I* didn't do you any good." Leo continues to walk and Greenlee trots after him as Vanessa rounds a corner, watching them approvingly. She's actually carrying that horrid little red metal bucket purse again. Vanessa purrs to the air: "Well, I see everything's going according to plan. I knew he wouldn't let me down." She gasps and looks around, as if looking for approval from someone ... anyone, but no one is there.

Greenlee and Leo finally reach Jake's doorway and awkwardly start to say goodbye. Greenlee starts to give in to her feelings, seemingly about to cave when Vanessa flounces up to coo over them. The trance is broken and Leo says Greenlee was just leaving. Vanessa asks what brings her there and Leo says she's seeing Jake now. Vanessa wonders if it's on a professional basis, considering the state of Greenlee's forehead. [I wonder if there are chocolate chip cookies in Vanessa's tin purse] Greenlee blushes and says it was a sporting accident. Vanessa asks Leo to agree with her that it hasn't spoiled Greenlee's beautiful face. Leo informs her that Greenlee is DATING Jake. Leo: "Yeah, she -- you know, she spent a wonderful evening with him last night. All night." Greenlee, subdued: "Something like that." Vanessa: "Oh! A doctor! Well, how nice for you, dear." Leo is sure Greenlee has things to do. Greenlee, mildly hopeful: "Not really." He dismisses her and she leaves, a little sad at his aloofness.

Vanessa urges Leo to go after her. Leo: "Forget it! Jake is far better for her than I could ever be." Vanessa: "Oh, come ON! There's no way that double do-gooder could ever appreciate all that Greenlee has to offer!" Leo: "What, like a fat bank account?" She says she thought he was off of that "noble" kick he was on. Leo: "I guess nobility is sticking these days. He changes the subject and asks how it's going with Palmer these days. She says he was right, she DOES actually feel affection for Palmer. But even with genuine affection, he STILL won't include her in his will. Leo says that Palmer knows that keeping her around is the only thing that's keeping him alive. She says you would think he'd give her one little credit card just for taking that assassin's bullet. That's why she needs to get together with Leo and have a talk. Leo sighs and says: "How many times do I have to tell you? There IS no plan, Mother. Don't even think about mentioning it in front of me again, ok? Do you got it?" Vanessa: "All RIGHT, I heard you!" Leo: "Good." Vanessa: "I heard." Leo: "Good." Vanessa: "I HEARD!" Leo walks away and Vanessa watches him speculatively, her mouth gaping open [nothing new there].

In Leslie's room, Jake has just checked her vitals, then spies Tad watching through the window. Jake comes out and lambastes Tad for being there. Jake reminds him that Leslie is in a coma. He's not supposed to be anywhere NEAR Leslie and their father doesn't even want him in the HOSPITAL. [Is it my imagination, or are Tad's eyes getting smaller and smaller every day?] Tad tells him to give him a break [he's come to the right person, then]. He says the tape quest he was on didn't pan out (so to speak), so he STILL doesn't have any evidence that David spiked the punch. Leslie testifying is his only hope. Jake says David has already tried to get into her room that day, but he stopped him. Tad says that if there is even the SLIGHTEST chance that she can hear anything, then he has GOT to talk to her. Jake says it won't do any good, but Tad says he doesn't KNOW that, and he's running out of time. Jake: "Man, I'm sure being the nice guy today!" [Today?] Tad thanks him and goes into the room. Jake tells him to be brief. Jake stays in the corner of the room while Tad talks to her. Tad: "Leslie, it's Tad. Look, I don't know whether or not you can hear me, but you are my last hope. I need you to pull out of this thing. I need you to tell me what David did to you. And I know that somewhere inside there is a part of you that wants to -- wants to make everything right. I can help you do that if you wake up. You want Hayward to pay, and so do I. With your help, together we can make that happen." Jake ushers him out. Leslie's fingers twitch. [Now, I might be alone here, but if *I* were in a coma, having fallen umpteen stories to go splat on the pavement, albeit with an awning breaking my fall, I really wouldn't give a flying f**k what anyone ELSE wanted, and vengeance would be probably be on my to-do list for WAAAY later after, say, starting to breathe on my own]

RAPUNZEL'S TURRET

Bart asks Alex how Anna is. Alex says that without the proper resources, she can't say. She IS running a fever, which has Alex worried. Bart is one cranky old man as he grouses that they never should have brought Anna there. Whoever is trying to kill her will look there FIRST. Alex assures him that Dimitri made sure no one saw them enter the grounds and that the turret is the safest place for them right now. Bart yells that he doesn't know his way around that place and he hates depending on other people. [I wait for him to start a sentence with "in MYYY day ..."] Anna stirs, asking Bart if he thinks it was a mistake to come there. [I am getting REALLY tired of the same lines over and over and over again. Apparently I'm being tortured by having to update these dreary scenes] Bart sits down and holds her hand, telling her he's only trying to protect her. She jokes that it's his mission in life. Alex tells her not to worry; they are doing all they can to help her. Anna says she IS worried -- she's putting all their lives in danger, and there are children there, right? Alex tells her that the children are going to their grandmother's. Alex leaves to get something from downstairs. Bart tells Anna they can't stay there because it's committing suicide. He knows of another safe-house where they can easily vanish again. She worries that she'll fall apart in the meantime, but he points out that he's taken care of her so far. He helps her up and puts her coat on. Alex comes back in and demands to know what they are doing. Bart says they are leaving and she should come with them, since they are twin sisters and are BOTH in danger. Alex says Anna won't make it. Bart insists she will with HIM. Anna passes out and falls to the bed again.

Alex finishes checking Anna (again) and snippily tells Bart it wasn't a seizure this time -- she simply fainted from the effort of getting up. Bart says Alex doesn't understand that Anna means EVERYTHING to him [I hope Alex has some medication for obsessive-compulsive disorders and some coloring books in her little black bag, because this man really needs to find another hobby] Alex yells back that she DOES understand because Anna is the only real family she has left! Anna rouses again and Bart apologizes for their attempted getaway. Anna chides them for arguing and Alex assures her that they just disagree, but aren't angry with each other. She convinces Anna that they have to stay and Anna agrees, mostly because she's too weak to do anything else. Bart finally agrees. Anna goes back to sleep; Bart tells Alex that the ball is in her court and not to drop it.

THE FIDELITY

Some meat in red sauce is plopped onto some noodles. The camera pans up to Ryan who is dubiously eyeing the dish. [His cuffs are undone and I'm POSITIVE they're going to drag in his food] He tells Gillian that Hungarian Goulash has become his favorite -- then suggests they try TOAST for breakfast. She promises to burn some tomorrow for breakfast. She asks how it is and he says it's very ghoulish. She throws her napkin at him and he says he was joking and that it is actually surprisingly good. He says he found the perfect musician for their wedding, a soloist for the PV Philharmonic. She thinks it sounds expensive and she'd be happy to get married at City Hall. He wants to pull out all the stops, though, and says he has a special fund just for the wedding, so she doesn't need to worry about it. She looks at him with happy sadness [yeah, that's what I said] She's feeling guilty that she's so happy, considering that she's not proud of some of the things she's done along the way and how many people have been hurt. He comes over to pet her hair and says that whatever she did, her heart was always leading the way and Jake knows that. [I beg to differ -- I think her crotch was leading the way a good portion of the time] Gillian smiles and says: "When we take our vows, I want the whole world and everybody to know how grateful we are to have each other, how much we appreciate each other, and that we will never take each other for granted." [I'm sure Jake will have special appreciation for that sentiment] Ryan suggests they write their own vows. Gillian: "I wouldn't know what to say except that I love you, I always will, and I always have." He tells her to hold that thought, then gets up and runs out, leaving her to yell at his retreating figure, futilely asking where he's going.

Later on, Gillian is leafing through a magazine with a KDNY ad on the back of it. She slaps it in frustration while she waits for Ryan to return. He sneaks in behind her with a blossoming gardenia and holds it in front of her. She's thrilled and wonders where he got a gardenia at this time of year. He says he's a dreammaker, remember. He says it's going to be part of his wedding vows because it's just like her, delicate and sweet [I wonder if there's a Georgia O'Keefe reference somewhere here]. They kiss. She nibbles his neck and he melts, saying he doesn't think he can wait and can they please just elope? She says no, but now they don't have to wait to have sex because the doctor said it was okay now. She says she never felt better, but maybe he can make her feel a LITTLE bit better. [They start physical therapy so quickly these days] They kiss their way down the couch.

RAPUNZEL'S TURRET

Edmund returns with the bag of medical supplies. He says Dimitri is back at the hospital getting the rest of the equipment [but he doesn't mention that the name of the hospital is "Bellvue" and that some of the equipment involves handcuffs]. Edmund leaves to go see his kids and Alex and Bart follow to get the rest of the stuff Edmund had from the car. Wind whistles through the door as Anna rearranges her pillows. David, looking over his shoulder, sneaks in. He stares at Anna in astonishment, saying: "Alex? You're alive!" Anna sits up and asks who he is and if he was sent to kill her. David stares at her in wonderment.

ON THE NEXT AMC:

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Tad stands in his living room and asks a stranger on the couch: "Who are you?" From behind him Dixie says: "He's my lawyer, Tad. He's here to talk about a legal separation." Tad stares.

In David's office, Erica tells Dimitri: "I was looking for David. Why are you carrying his medical bag?"

Anna suddenly whips out a gun and points it at David, who staggers back with his hands up, saying: "Whoa!"

Irreverently submitted,

Robin "always appreciative of a good physical therapy session" Coutellier