Friday Update
February 23, 2001

PREVIOUSLY ON ALL MY CHILDREN

At BJs Greenlee tells Jake: "Let me show you the art of wallowing in self-indulgence."

As Ryan grimaces and pets her hair, Gillian whines: "What happened to my baby?"

At the house, Tad asks JR: "What exactly did Leslie say?" JR: "Somebody was going to take a fall."

As David clutches his wounded shoulder and Leslie climbs over the ledge at the top of the Chandler office building, Leslie says: "I'm going to ruin you!"

David yells at the ledge-perching Leslie: "What, are you going to go to the other terrace? That ledge won't hold you!" A piece of the ledge, which clearly had never been bonded to the rest of the ledge in the first place, falls over as Leslie steps on it. Leslie screams an tilts downward.

THURSDAY COMMENT (didn't seem worth it's own Boogie Chillen)

How can Mateo and Hayley act like everything is back to normal and Hayley is just fine now (mentally)? Hello? This woman totally disassociated her personality and "became" someone else for extended periods of time. She should be in a PSYCH ward or, at minimum, be getting intense psychotherapy! (I know someone else mentioned this, but I just had to add my sentiments to it)

MASSAGE ROOM

Greenlee's bare legs are shown as she lies face-down on a table. Her feet rub each other in delight as she moans ecstatically: "OH, YES! OH! YES! OH!" From Jake's table we hear: "Are you serious?" The camera pans up the table to show female hands (Claire's) massaging Greenlee's low back. Jake is on the other table being massaged by a hunk named Justin. Greenlee tells Claire it's to DIE! Jake thinks that might be an option. Greenlee asks Justin if Jake is a little tight [if she's referring to his ass, the answer is a resounding YES]. Justin says that's one way of putting it. Jake's a little tense. Greenlee: "Jake, you have to relax. Justin's very good at what he does. Let him open up your chakras and release the endorphins." Jake: "Do you even HEAR yourself?" Greenlee sensuously answers: "TOTALLY." As Claire hit's a trigger point in her upper back, Greenlee moans: "OOHHH, yeah, yeah, RIGHT THERE!" Jake mutters that he doesn't think he's cut out for this, then whines an "Owwwwww!" Greenlee: "Jake, if anyone needs a massage tonight, it's you. Justin, do that thing to him where you massage his organs." Jake rears his head up and tells Justin: "Don't even THINK about it. Justin moves to the other side and starts pounding on Jake's back. Greenlee, in the meantime, continues to moan with delight as Claire hits another spot near her shoulder blade. Jake, his voice choppy from having his back pounded, continues to bitch and complain about Greenlee having a little book under her towel containing Zen-like buzzwords and how he could be relaxing with his clothes ON and reading a book or cleaning the garage or something. Greenlee is so relaxed that her arms are dangling down over each side of her table [reminds me of how the squirrels at my old place used to veg out in total bliss on top of the fence sometimes]. Jake: "So is this, like, the way that you deal with reality? Is this the way you pretend that the world isn't a problem, that you're the sun and the whole universe must center and revolve and orbit around you?" Greenlee: "You are a rip- roaring good time, Jake Martin." Jake: "Yeah? Well, believe me, I CAN be." [I think -- AH SHIT!! Sorry, we just had a quick, but jolting earthquake here in San Jose, CA -- man, I HATE that! Where was I? Oh yeah, well, actually, I think the earthquake pretty much says it all when it comes to Jake being a rip-roaring good time -- even Mother Earth shakes with mirth over the improbability of THAT one] Greenlee tells him that she rescued him from his dreary pity party and the least he can do is lean into this and feel the benefits of body work on the mind and the soul. She tells him he's a lost cause. Jake is astonished that she would think that and asks why. Greenlee: "You're making Justin break out in a flop sweat, you're so tight!" LOL! [This reminds me of a great line from Roseanne that I will now apply to Jake: you couldn't pull a needle out of his butt with a tractor!] Jake decides to prove he can relax with the best of them and tells Justin to just DIG IN! Justin applies his elbow to Jake's back and Jake yowls in pain as Greenlee lies there with a sublime smile on her face.

PV HOSPITAL

Dr. Clader tells Ryan Gillian is doing just fine. Ryan asks if Gillian will be strong enough to hear what happened when she wakes up. Dr. C says she still has one healthy fallopian tube. Ryan asks if that doesn't cut her chances of conceiving a baby in half [that means they only have to have sex every OTHER month -- this will cut WAAY down on their candle bills]. Dr. C says it's true some women are prone to ectopic pregnancies, so it's POSSIBLE it could happen again, but unlikely. Just the same, try not to get her pregnant for at least 3 months. Ryan screws up his courage and goes in to see Gillian who, like all patients, is propped up at an obscenely sharp angle guaranteed to cut off one's airway the moment one falls asleep. She looks very young and vulnerable.

Ryan tells Gillian about her current state of reproductive half-readiness. Gillian thinks it was all her fault -- not physically, but maybe it's just her karma because she didn't want it and wouldn't deal with it until just before she lost it. He tells her it's NOT her fault and there was NO reason for it, it just happened. They'll have LOTS of children and live happily every after, etc. She can't believe how lucky she is to have him. they hug as the drug deal--er--Dimitri stands in the doorway benevolently watching them.

Dimitri hails them and the spring apart. Dimitri is carrying a large manilla envelope. He comes in and effusively showers Gillian with kisses. He tells her she looks 100% better than she did the night before. Even though we now have to wonder what his envelopes REALLY contain, it actually has Gillian's divorce papers inside. [Wasn't Jake already holding them up? Wasn't Leslie his lawyer? [When did Leslie take time out from kidnapping people and trying to kill them to hold up, then rush through the papers AND getting them delivered to Wildwind? Do they have an all-night county clerk office just for hand-stamping divorce papers?] Gillian is happy to be free of Jake.

TERRACE AT THE TOP OF THE CHANDLER BUILDING

Leslie is dangling off the edge by gripping David's bloody, wounded arm and screaming at him to please let her up. He reminds her that she just stabbed him and he can't hold on. She keeps begging and he complains about not being able to feel his arm. [Considering this is the second damsel that's dangled from his arm in the space of a few minutes, that's not surprising. He really should stop getting involved with such clingy women] She starts to slip [all that blood, no doubt -- didn't think THAT one through, did she?] and finally falls, screaming. David grips his arm in pain, then lopes around to go back in to Dixie. When he turns, he finds himself face-to-face with Tad, whose eyeballs would be bulging if they weren't so deep-set.

Tad rushes to look over the ledge, saying "OH MY GOD!" David tells him that Leslie tried to kill him and Dixie. Dixie calls from the other room and they both rush in. Tad tells her he's right there. She doesn't respond or look at him, but calls out to David to see if he's okay and to find out where Leslie is. Tad demands to know what David did to her and David reiterates that Leslie tried to kill them. He assures Dixie that it's okay and Leslie is gone. David tells Tad that Dixie was Maced. Neither of them considers flushing her eyes with water. Sirens wail in the background because Tad had a cop call for backup before he left (but HE beat the cops there). Tad strokes her hair and tries to get her to sit up so he can get her out of there. He orders David to go deal with Dixie, since he IS a doctor. David says he's more concerned with Dixie's shock. David helps Dixie to stand and both men grab an arm. David tells Tad to take care of the Leslie side of it, and HE will take her in for tests. Mind you, he's gripping his upper arm the entire time. Dixie asks about Junior and Tad assures her that he's fine. He picks her up to take her to the hospital. David tells him he might want to go out the back because of ... THE BODY. Sirens wail louder and David fidgets in frustration at the situation. He leaves the office after one last look past the open french doors.

WILDWIND

Edmund gushes over Maddie and Sammy's drawings. He asks Maddie if it's a fairy like the one's Alex used to make. She says yes and he asks if he wants her to give it to Alex. He says she went on a long trip and doesn't know when she'll be back, but as soon as she DOES, they'll give her the picture. [Alex is missing, maybe forever, and HE brings her up to the kids?] The phone rings and Sammy answers it. He exclaims: "ALEX!" Edmund hears this, but after the commercial, he acts like he didn't and asks who Sammy is talking to. Edmund tells Sammy HE has to talk on the phone right now and takes it from him. Despite the fact that, when it comes to staying on the phone, Alex is more skittish than a cat on the hood of a car whose alarm it just set off, Edmund pauses and tells the kids to have some oatmeal cookies and go upstairs to get ready for bed. The kids leave the room and Edmund pushes a button on what looks like a caller ID device. When there is no response to his "Hello?", he demands to know who the hell it is. Alex listens.

MASSAGE ROOM

Greenlee continues to moan and writhe in relaxed bliss. Jake doesn't understand can she do to all that, that EMOTING and everything she's doing over there. Greenlee: "I feel good, I say so. What do you do, write in your journal?" Jake: "Ha-ha. Oh, yeah -- like, you think you really know me, but you don't. Greenlee: "You spend every single waking moment of your life trying to live up to some ideal that no one except you has set for yourself, and then you spend the rest of your time feeling disappointed because there is no way you could live up to your own high expectations." Jake: "All right, all right. You know what? That's enough. I liked it much better when you were moaning." She asks why he doesn't just GO with this -- what better gift to give himself. He suggests pizza and a video. She says he was having a rotten day BEFORE they got there and he says that because of her he's also having a rotten NIGHT. She asks Justin if Jake has relaxed at all. Justin says not one iota. Greenlee and Jake continue to bitch back and forth to each other about relaxation and the art of wasting time. She tells him he's going to have an aneurysm and calls him on his whining. He says he's TRYING to relax. Justin tells him that BREATHING might help. Jake yelps and jerks in pain when Justin bends his leg back and up in an effort to either stretch the quadriceps or get a look at Jake's privates. Justin apologizes and backs off. Greenlee says Jake's problem is that he doesn't trust anyone. She dismisses the grateful Claire and Justin to deal with "this yahoo" herself. Standing now, she orders him to get up. He gives her a suspicious look and she rolls her eyes and assures him that she won't peek. He moans and groans in pain as he gets up. Now sitting on the table with her legs crossed, Greenlee orders: "Now lie down on the floor." Jake: "Excuse me?" Greenlee: "Face down, butt up. Now!" Jake: "Do I look like I want to lie down on the floor to you?" Greenlee: "You look like you need a big bowl of bran flakes, but this will have to do. [ROTFL!] Now, lie down so I can walk all over you." Jake: "Well, you wouldn't be the first." Jake resists and asks if this is some kind of bizarre mating ritual. She scoffs at him. He gives in and puts a towel on the floor since he doesn't know what kind of people hang out in these kinds of places. He flops down saying this CAN'T be good. She tells him to relax. "I'M RELAXED!!!" he thunders at her. She steps on his low-back and starts to work her way up as he yells in pain [gotta go with him on this one -- she may be tiny, but 100 lbs. of pressure on the back has GOT to hurt]. He jumps and she falls off laughing. Suddenly Claire enters the room (from the opposite side that she left) and stammers out that she thought Jake would want to know about all the ambulances out there and that a woman just fell from the Chandler building. She goes on to describe Leslie. Jake jumps up and runs to help. [I have to say he looks mighty fine standing there in a towel] I thought they were at the Glamorama, but now I'm wondering if they're downtown next to the Chandler building. Jake asks for his clothes from behind a curtain. Greenlee's towel is tossed on the floor.

PV HOSPITAL

Tad carries Dixie into the emergency entrance with David following closely behind. [Did Tad walk all the way there carrying Dixie? If they drove there, did David go in the same car or ambulance? Did anyone wear seatbelts?] Despite the fact that Dixie is merely blind, but David is dripping blood all over everything, they put DIXIE on a gurney. Dr. Patricia Trowbridge says she wants to look at his arm, but he says he has to examine Dixie. He starts toward Dixie and Tad cuts him off. David argues that he knows Dixie's medical history and Tad argues that HE knows DAVID's history and he's not getting anywhere NEAR Dixie after what just happened. Derek bursts in and yells at both of them for leaving the scene. Dr. T takes Dixie into an examining room, but tells Tad to stay out in the waiting area.

Derek's veins are popping as he demands to know what happened at the tower. Neither of them says anything. Derek has shifted into high asshole gear as he sarcastically says: "Stroupe calls me, tells me to come there. Tells me to meet you there. I go there. You're gone, he's gone. And I got a woman lying on the ground who apparently took a dive from the executive balcony. Now, do you have any idea how that happened?" Tad tells him to ask David, since he was there first. David says yes he was. When he got there, Leslie was trying to throw Dixie over the edge of the balcony. Even though he was Maced, he still managed to get Dixie inside, which is when Leslie sliced his arm with a letter opener. Leslie climbed over the balcony and tried to get to the next one over, but lost her balance and fell. He says he caught her arm, but couldn't hold on long enough to pull her up since his arm was wounded. Tad thinks that's an amazing story. How badly did David want to save Leslie. Did he WANT her to fall? David says he hardly had any feeling left in his arm. Tad wonders why he didn't use his GOOD arm and David said it all happened in a heartbeat. Tad continues to badger him and David stands up, saying he doesn't have to hear this.

Derek says all right, he should have the shoulder looked at and offers him a hanky, which David uses to dab his wound. [I'm not sure which is worse -- David's blood everywhere or putting someone ELSE's handkerchief on the wound when there are sterile pads all around them.] David taunts Tad, saying that he should remember why Leslie lost her mind in the first place -- it had nothing to do with HIM and EVERYTHING to do with TAD. Tad starts for him, but is restrained by Derek and Joe, who has just arrived. He assures Tad that Dixie is going to be fine. Joe turns to David and says Dixie told him that David saved her life. David said he almost didn't. Joe tells Derek that they suspect Leslie might be the one who stole the Libidozone from David's office. Derek is surprised. Joe says they have it on videotape and David pipes in that it's true. She stole the Libidozone AND spiked the punch at the yacht part. Tad says they don't know THAT! David says that Joe JUST SAID-- Tad: "My father just said he saw a videotape of Leslie stealing Libidozone from your office -- from YOU. This just happened. What happened on that boat was months ago." David says Leslie knew she was going to die when she was dangling and confessed that she put the Libidozone in the punch and it was because of TAD. [She confessed all this in a heartbeat, huh? Did she also give you her ATM PIN? How about her mother's maiden name? I know that all this would weigh heavy on MY mind if I were dangling by a bloody hand 20 floors up from the cement]

Meanwhile, back in Gillian's room Ryan kisses Gillian's forehead. Dimitri is still giddy and laughing and talks about Eugenia's plans for Gillian's recuperation. Gillian asks about Alex and Dimitri goes momentarily somber, saying he hasn't heard anything yet. Gillian says he will -- Alex told her that nothing can keep two people apart if they are meant for each other, at least not forever. He asks how she knows and Gillian says that Alex told HER to stop running away from Ryan. She said you can't run away from the love of your life. [Excuse me? Isn't that what Alex just did?] Platitudes and assurances fly like gnats in the summer. After some arm flapping and hand-holding, Dimitri leaves.

Ryan picks up the envelope. The light reflects blindingly off of the glossy lip of the envelope, indicating that it was never sealed in the first place. He says he thought this day would never come. Gillian is sad, saying Jake was just hurt. Ryan says he shouldn't even have brought it up. She says that she realizes that, after losing her baby last night, Jake has nothing to hold onto now. Ryan is just happen that he can marry her now -- again. She says "Forever," and the smooch.

WILDWIND

After the longest pause in history that didn't involve an ISP, Edmund accuses the other party of playing a lousy excuse for a joke. Alex finally finds her voice and says she was just surprised -- she didn't expect to hear Sammy's voice and she didn't want to upset the children. He happily asks where she is and she says she can't -- it's too dangerous. For the purpose of the recorder [or maybe just insincere acting] Edmund says it's okay -- someone has her locked up, but she got to a phone. She tells him not to make her regret this call. He says he wants to help her and she tells him to LEAVE IT ALONE! He plays the sentimental card and says Maddie was drawing a picture for her when she called and wants her to come home. Alex says this is a mistake. He apologizes and begs her to trust him. He says this at least 3 times.

Dimitri walks in saying Edmund's name, but Edmund turns and holds up his hand to shush him. He whispers to Alex that it will be okay and she knows they can help her if she just-- Dimitri grabs and phone and asks if it's her. She says hello. He asks where she is and Edmund motions him to stretch out the call as long as possible. Dimitri begs her to tell him how they can help her. She begs him not to do this. He asks if she's safe. She says she's fine and not to worry. He says that whatever she's going through, they can help her. She says he can't change anything and he mustn't try. He can't accept that. Alex: "If you love me the way you say you do, then you won't try to find me." Dimitri: "You know that I love you." Alex: "Then DON'T try to find me. Please. Do you understand? It would be a terrible mistake for all of us." [the phone line clicks 5 times] Alex: "What was that?" She tells him NOT to try and trace the call! He'll REGRET it! Rather than cut it off before it can be traced, she stays on the line. [Some spy] She looks around fearfully. In the meantime, the Caller ID box comes up with a number.

PV HOSPITAL

Derek ridicules David, asking if Leslie confessed while dangling from the side of a building. Tad and Derek both jump in about her blaming Tad and this all happening "in a heartbeat". David says Tad knows better than anyone that she would have done anything to be with him. So she drugged him. And apparently she couldn't care less if she drugged half of Pine Valley in the process. After what she did to Dixie and Junior tonight, they'd have to agree that she was unstable. Derek asks to speak to Dixie and Joe says it would be all right since SHE'S stable. Derek tells the dualing duo that they are NOT done, then goes in to see Dixie. They stare at each other and Tad tells him that he is some piece of work. David turns to walk away and Tad yanks him back (by the bad arm, but neither of them notice this). Tad thinks it's a little too strange and convenient that the woman to blame for all this is no longer there to explain it. David says Tad and his entire family have been wanting to get to the bottom of this for months and now, because he doesn't like the answer, he's going to pin it all on David? David: "Well, just to refresh your memory, Dixie would be DEAD tonight if it wasn't for me, ok?" [And he's going to use this as leverage for quite some time to come, I'm sure] And the lunatic who did it all did it for TAD! Tad: "And none of it had anything to do with you -- you or your pet science project?" David: "Let it go, Tad. Leslie did it. For some reason, she thought that you walked on water, and she was willing to risk EVERYTHING just to be with you. It had nothing to do with me, Tad -- only YOU." Tad: "Oh, yeah. Sure, I buy that. Especially now that we got her deathbed confession, the one she made just before she plunged over the side of a building. You know, the one places responsibility for everything that's happened on her." David: "Yeah, well, that's right. And after watching Leslie unspool tonight, there's not a soul alive or dead who would think it was anybody else but her. And you just can't stand that, can you? Because it means that you can't poison Dixie against me anymore! You're going to have to fight for her like a MAN!" They are practically nose-to-nose by this point and just one step away from beating their outthrust chests in challenge. Tad grits his teeth and says: "I don't HAVE to fight someone like you to hang on to my marriage." David gives a snotty laugh and says: "Look again, Tad. Look again and ask yourself if you really believe what you just said. Better yet -- why don't we wait to see who Dixie asks for when she can have visitors tonight. If I was a betting man, I'd be rich tonight -- because I sure as hell wouldn't bet on YOU." He turns and swaggers away while Tad stares after him, frowning.

Back in Gillian's room, Ryan wants to try something to make her a little less sad. He whips out 2 jewelry boxes with wedding rings. The one for her is teeny-tiny and jewel-encrusted; the one for him looks like it belongs in a 2-" ring binder. "It's out wedding rings!" she weakly bleats. She can't believe he kept them. He said he couldn't bring himself to do it. [Didn't she hurl it across the sunporch a long time ago?] She says they are a beautiful match to her replaced engagement ring. Ryan then gives a lengthy speech which I'll include for all you R&G romantics: "You see, I was thinking, you know, the first time that we did it -- got married --" Gillian: "I know what you meant." Ryan: "All right, well, we did it for the wrong reasons and it wasn't exactly a good thing for either one of us, but I learned to love you even through being married to you for the wrong reasons. And I was thinking that if these are the ones that we wear always, these are the ones that we wear when we get married for the right reasons, then it'll sort of be a reminder of where we came from and the mistakes we made, and maybe it'll prevent us from making those same mistakes again." Gillian squirms like a puppy and her eyes tear up: "Ryan --" Ryan: "No, I'm not finished yet. I was wrong to push you away the first time, but I learned that once you do something, you have to live with it and you learn from it, and I learned that there is no one on this earth that I could love like I love you. And there's no one that I could want to love more. And I want to spend the rest of my life giving you all of my love if you'll have me." Gillian: "'If'? Are you insane?" Ryan: "So you'll still marry me?" Gillian: "You mean you even worried about that?" Ryan: "I was so close to losing you last night!" Gillian: "Ryan Lavery, if I could marry you right now, I would!" She reaches for his face. He carefully pulls her up and into his arms. Gillian: "I can't wait to be your wife again!"

WILDWIND

Dimitri yells at Alex that she HAS to let them help her. Alex: "You stay away from here. I'm warning you." She hangs up and Dimitri swears. Edmund says he got the number -- he knows where she is.

AT A MYSTERIOUS COTTAGE-LIKE ABODE

An older gentleman leans over Alex and demands to know what she's done. She says "nothing". He leans even closer and demands the same thing, but louder this time. She looks frightened. [I think it's her father]

PV HOSPITAL

A nurse finishes up with doing something to Dixie and then leaves. Dixie is sleeping. She imagines Leslie is standing next to her with a pillow. Leslie lunges at her and tries to smother her, screaming: "YOU DID THIS! YOU DID THIS! YOU DID THIS!" Dixie bolts awake, hyperventilating and yelling for Tad. I'm surprised that she appears to be wearing baggy white panties, since several inches of them are showing above her jeans. David rushes in and tells her it's okay. He's still bloody [doesn't ANYONE give a rat's ass about his copiously exposed bodily fluids?] Dixie continues to panic about Leslie being there. David tells her it's okay, that Leslie is dead. She cries, but she's so hysterical that it almost looks like she's laughing. She suddenly becomes frantic about Junior's safety and David tells her he's fine. She asks if he's okay and SEEMS to be looking at his bloody arm. He tells her to rest and let the sedative take effect. She starts to ask about Tad. David says he's fine and she can see him when she wakes up. He kisses her and leaves. Tad steps into his path and David tells him Dixie is sleeping. Tad: "Fine. I'll sit by her bed. Get out of my way!" David: "No, you won't!" Tad: "I don't give a damn if you are a doctor. That does not give you the right to come between me and my WIFE --" David: "She doesn't want to see you." Tad: "Do you honestly think I'm going to believe one word that comes out of your mouth?" David: "She told me herself. She doesn't want to see you, Tad!" he sneers.

Jake and an ambulance crew burst into the ER with Leslie on a stretcher. Jake shouts instructions. David demands to know why she wasn't brought into the morgue. Jake: "Do I usually bag a cadaver in E.R., David?" David: "What? She's not --" He looks down at Leslie in disbelief. Leslie is bloody and in a neckbrace. Suddenly her eyes fly open and she stares at David (or Tad -- it's not quite clear). David looks as if his testicles have just shriveled up.

ON THE NEXT AMC:

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In the Valley Inn dining room, Leo gets his face slapped by a smiling Laura as Greenlee looks on and grins at the pleasant surprise.

Edmund: "We're hours away from finding Alex." Dimitri: "We're not going, period."

Tad to David: "You better PRAY that Leslie dies on that operating table. Because if she doesn't, you're BOTH going to rot in prison."

TOTALLY TAN: When I saw the pillow in Leslie's hand, I remembered a commercial I had seen earlier today. It was for Poise incontinence pads. The woman is holding up a big sofa cushion and explaining that they've changed the shape of the pads. I'LL SAY! I daresay a pad THAT size is a definite change and would probably cause some major chafing. She explains how much better the new shape is. Then she says it now more absorbent where you need it MOST as she slaps the cushion down on the couch. Apparently it's needed most on the couch. I had to laugh, even as I sighed as I remembered hearing in the 70's that as the Baby Boomers aged, we'd see more and more commercials aimed at our failing body parts. Today we are glutted with commercials for menopause, incontinence, impotence and hair loss. We have ARRIVED!

Irreverently submitted,

Robin "looking forward to Monday's show!" Coutellier