Friday Update
February 2, 2001

PREVIOUSLY ON ALL MY CHILDREN

At the hospital, Gillian says to Jake: "Ryan and I are finally free to be together. How can I ask him to accept your child?" Jake: "The first thing you want to do is just focus on the child. Everything else is just going to fall into place."

At Erica's house, Bianca says to Sarah: "You stopped eating again, didn't you?" Sarah: "Please, Bianca, you have to help me!"

At Adam's beach house/condo/cabin, Mateo sees a photo in a newspaper and says to no one: "That's Vanessa's necklace. And if the necklace isn't at the bottom of the bay, then neither is Arlene."

THE HEAVING YACHT

Gillian, her hair down and wearing a lovely royal blue print dress (and necklace that will, no doubt, soon find it's way to a pawn shop), bends over and holds her belly as she tries not to heave. Ryan bops into the room and asks if she's ok. She says yes. He says the best cure for seasickness is to have a big, FAT meal. She says she feels just the opposite. Ryan says it's because she hasn't yet tried his specialty of bacon, eggs, hash blacks, etc. How does she want her eggs [shed in the monthly manner would be my guess]? She asks for try toast. He says maybe for a bird and attempts to leave to fix something really disgusting for her to eat. She stops him and asks if they can go for a drive instead of him working today. He figures out that she wants to talk and [insert areyouokayyesImfine dialogue here] She DOES say she wants to talk about a couple of things and doesn't want phones (not to mention barfing) distracting them. He says ok, but only after he feeds her. She wonders out loud how she's going to tell him the truth, that she's pregnant. On cue, Jake walks in from on deck. The ocean in the background is impossibly blue (HAWAII blue) for a February day in Pennsylvania. Gillian stares at him fearfully.

I notice that Gillian's dress matches the color of the furniture. Jake asks why she ran out on him at the hospital -- he went out of his way to get Dr. Clader to see her! She snaps that she did NOT ask him to do that and she does NOT like the way he was trying to push her into a corner. He looks mildly surprised and says he did NOT try to push her into a corner. It's just that he left several messages on her cell phone and when she didn't return the calls, he decided to come out there [but he's not PUSHING at ALL]. She blinks angrily and abruptly asks him what he wants. He loudly declares that he wants her to start taking care of herself. She's looking pale and drawn. Gillian whips her head around to make sure Ryan didn't overhear that, then whips it back and snarls at him: "For goodness' sake, Jake! I have a little bit of morning sickness, and you should KNOW that that's normal, and you should KNOW that that makes you look a little pale and drawn. You satisfied now?" He condescendingly [there's a LOT of condescension in today's episode] says Liza's first tri-mester was like that and he remembers what that was like. He puts a condescending hand on her shoulder and tells her was NOT trying to hassle her. Ryan walks in with a tray of food, sees Jake with his hand on Gillian, rolls his eyes and asks Jake what the hell he's doing there.

Ryan comes into the room and puts the tray down with a clatter, once again demanding to know what Jake is doing there. Gillian turns to give Jake a warning look, then tells Ryan that Jake was just there to tell her that their divorce would be finalized tomorrow. Jake gawks at her disbelievingly and does a little twist of disgust. Ryan says Jake could have done that over the phone. Jake starts waving and pointing his hands in an uncomfortably Dimitri-like style, saying he thinks they need to talk. Gillian spits out a "NO!". Jake: "As much as I wish it didn't, it does involve all of us, [Ryan looks perplexed] so let's --" Mateo slams in yelling for Ryan and zipping down the stairs. He apologizes for interrupting but whispers that he needs to talk to Ryan. Gillian tells him it's okay, she's fine and gestures him to go with Mateo. Ryan looks suspiciously at her and Jake. He walks 10' over to Mateo, who tells him that Hayley is in trouble and he thinks Ryan can help. Mateo wants Ryan to find out some confidential information about the jewelry auction site. Can Ryan do it? Ryan: "Well, yeah, I'm good, [a cry of "OH PUH_LEEZE!!" echoes across the nation throughout the day as fans hear this] but I've got this whiz kid computer genius friend of Bianca's that's even better." Ryan says he'll be back in a second and Gillian gratefully waves him off.

Jake pushes her to tell Ryan. Jake: "You're not telling him because you know it's my baby. And because I am the father, I now have to be responsible to make sure that you get prenatal attention and a decent doctor!" Gillian explodes: "Who do you think you are, Jake? I'm not some child who can't take care of herself and who's not responsible. I'm not drinking alcohol and I'm taking care of myself the way I always do, and I don't need you to HOVER over me and tell me that I'm being NEGLIGENT when I'm NOT!" She paces away from him and he follows. Jake: "Ok. All right, all right, listen. Listen, I don't mean to hover over you." He keeps pace with her and puts both hands on the back of her arms. She shakes him off, closes her eyes and frowns in deep anger. She whirls on her and spits out: "And you don't understand, Jake, that this is ***MY*** body!" [Atta girl!] He says HE is the father and SHE is not being responsible. He says the divorce isn't final yet, and he can stop it. She can't believe he said that. He says that if she keeps this up, she leaves him no choice. [No choice? Look who's talking!] He continues to rant on about having to assert his rights NOW while they are still married. Does she really think he's going to let her and Ryan sneak off in the middle of the night with HIS child? She KNOWS what he went through with Colby and that he can't go through that again. Understandably, Gillian has to throw up. She stumbles out on deck for air with Jake hovering over her and telling her to wait. [I hope the next scene shows him covered with barf]

THE TURRET

Sarah, looking sickly, is sleeping on the bed. Despite being in an unheated stone room in February in Pennsylvania, she's on TOP of the covers, with only has a thin blanket loosely covering her from the chest down. Bianca is sleeping in a chair next to the bed, with only her thin top to keep her warm (and jeans, of course). Sarah wakes up and wonders where she is; then her eyes alight on Bianca. Bianca opens her eyes and they smile lovingly at each other as Bianca sits up. Despite having been angled with the bottom half sitting down and the top half nearly perpendicular all night, Bianca does so silently and gracefully, instead of making OYYYYYY!! OOMPH!! HACK!! WHIMPER, **NOW** WHAT? noises, like *I* would have done. Ah, youth! Bianca crawls on the bed and asks if she slept okay. Sarah says she did and she feels safe with her. Bianca says they need to get Sarah's strength back and suggests they start with a couple of grapes. She gives her some water, covers her up to her chin and tells her to get some more sleep. Bianca says she has to go back to the house for a little while to make sure Erica doesn't know she was gone. Sarah protests that she doesn't want her to get into trouble, but Bianca tells her she doesn't want her to worry about ANYTHING anymore. She vows to come back as soon as possible. Their eyes never break the loving connection until Bianca is out the door.

ERICA'S HOUSE

Opal, dressed in off-white (but with black gloves and purse), stands in front of Erica's off-white door and walls, making me think Opal is in an off-white heaven for the slightly-less-than-perfect dead people. Erica cheerfully greets her and invites her in. Once again, Erica's hair is fluffed out so it's well off her shoulders, not the longer hairdo she had the night before. It's pretty unflattering, actually, and it looks like she just went for a ride in a convertible without a scarf. Once again, she's wearing a sleeveless (black) top. Opal suggests a spa day for she, Erica and Bianca. She's even booked Sven especially for Erica to have a massage. Erica thinks it's a marvelous idea, but isn't so sure Bianca will go for it. Opal slyly brings up Erica paying Rain $10K to hightail it out of town. Erica says she can think of worse things she could have done. Besides, she and Bianca got WAY past that last night! Erica decides this might be a great idea after all, to help them re-bond. She walks out of the room to ask Bianca. Opal pulls off her gloves and wanders around the room smiling. Erica briskly comes back into the room and says Bianca's door was locked and there was no answer. Opal says teenagers can sleep through Armageddon. Erica, in the meantime, is frantically hunting through her desk drawer, looking for a master key so she can find out what's going on up there with her daughter. Opal frowns slightly, tilting her head in mini-judgment.

Erica triumphantly dangles a Schlage key in front of Opal and starts to march determinedly toward the stairs. Opal chides her and asks if she's looking to lose her child. Erica: "Opal, her bedroom door is locked -- she's not answering!" Opal: "What, so you think that gives you permission to go barging in there like some storm trooper and invade her privacy again?" Erica says these aren't ordinary circumstances. Opal says maybe she's sleeping. Erica makes up excuses like maybe she's unconscious. She's interrupted by Bianca striding in holding a container of yogurt. Erica effusively greets her but says she's confused, noting the locked door. Bianca says the latch is broken and Erica should really get that fixed. Staying the course, Erica says the radio was on. Bianca volleys back that she must have left her clock radio on. Opal beams at Erica condescendingly and hugs Bianca, saying Erica's imagination was running away with her. Opal is surprised at how cold Bianca is -- has she been outside? Bianca says she went out to get the paper. Erica looks suspiciously at Bianca. Opal spills about a day of buff-n-puff at the Glamorama, but Erica interrupts, saying she forgot that she is COMPLETELY booked at Enchantment all day today and asks for a raincheck. Bianca happily agrees to a raincheck and ducks out of the room. Erica stares after her. Opal wants to know why Erica all of the sudden remembered she had to work, but Erica hurriedly ushers her out saying she just forgot and was momentarily distracted by Opals lovely offer. Opal: "What, so you're sure there is no special reason that you are scuttling your old friend who knows better right out the door?" Erica, overly cheerful: "Opal, you know, you just worry too much!" Opal: "Erica, honey, listen to me. You got to trust your daughter, or you are going to lose her." Erica simpers and rearranges her top. After closing the door, Erica takes an extremely thin pink coat out of the closet and yells to Bianca. Dramatic piano music plays in the background, getting faster and faster as the scene goes on. When Bianca comes down, Erica tells her she's going to work now -- can they have dinner later? Bianca agrees and goes back upstairs. Erica puts on a scarf, then takes a couple of steps up to peer after Bianca.

Later, Bianca skips down the stairs and hustles out the back way through Erica's green dining room.

ADAM'S BEACH ABODE

Why would a multi-billionaire have a tiny little cottage on the beach that combines the living room, kitchen and bedroom in a single room? That's for upper-middle-income people to have, not rich bastards! Anyway, Mateo and Hayley are staring at each other over giant coffee cups. Hayley tells him to stop looking at her like that. He grouses that everything is going to change as soon as she makes that phone call. She starts to tell him something sappy about no matter what happens to her legally -- but he cuts her off and says not to talk about it. They hug and she smiles, saying she's going to take a shower [a bucket of ice-cold water out by the privy?] and then call Derek. When she leaves the room, he plucks the sheet of newspaper out from behind a cushion [never crackled once, huh?]. He looks at the photo of the woman wearing what appears to be Vanessa's necklace, then goes to the phone and calls information to find the number of the woman, a Mrs. Thornton Woodward, in the Philadelphia area because, as we all know, all rich socialites have listed phone numbers. [How come we never see them constantly being harassed by tele-marketers?] He gets the number and calls her. Mrs. Woodward, who apparently doesn't have a staff to take care of such matters, answers the phone. He tells her that he saw her picture in the paper and would love to get one like it for his wife and wonders where she bought it. She says she purchased it from an internet auction site [shyeah, RIGHT! -- not that she might not have done that, but to tell a perfect stranger over the phone?] He ferrets out the auction site, Jewels By Auction. He's pretty demanding, IMNSHO, and tries to get more info, like the name of the person she bought it from or the designer. She thinks so, too, tells him she has nothing more to say to him and hangs up. He's frustrated and mildly curses her.

Later, Mateo is pacing when a knock at the door is heard. It's Stuart. Mateo has called him over -- he has to go out and do some things. Hayley is better, but he doesn't want her to be alone while he's out. [That must be a REALLY long shower Hayley is taking] Stuart knows about Hayley because Adam told him and asks if she's still sick. Mateo says no, it's not that, but she still wants to call the police and he thinks he can save her from that. Stuart starts to ask how, but Hayley walks back in. She's dressed all in dark black, the better to disguise Kelly Ripa's pregnancy. Mateo is rocking and fidgeting and twitching so much that he reminds me of Tom Arnold when he was married to Roseanne. He asks Hayley to hold off on the phone call until he gets done with her errands. She doesn't want to put it off. He says he's not asking her to and doesn't even WANT her to [uh-huh] and he's there for her 100% of the time, but he has to go now. Please trust him. She agrees and they kiss goodbye. He thanks Stuart and leaves.

Hayley turns to Stuart and states that he knows. He says Adam told her. She shame-facedly asks if he's okay with that. Stuart: "I LOVE you! That's all I know. Could I make you a cup of tea or something? Hayley?" She's turned away, and we hear a familiar sound effect of tinkling (so to speak) wind-chimes. Hayley holds her hands hard against the side of her head and growls: "Oh, DAMN IT, Arlene, leave me alone!" Stuart is concerned and anxiously asks what's wrong. Hayley turns back to him, exhaling heavily and says that Arlene is not going to leave her alone until she tells the truth. She clops to the phone to call Derek and tell him the truth about what happened to Arlene. She has the phone to her ear and is dialing.

The next time we see Hayley, she is pacing and Stuart is hovering over her. He tells her that she took a dangerous drug and if it weren't for that, she never would have done what she did -- she wasn't HERSELF! Hayley gives a sick smile. Stuart says Mateo didn't want her facing Derek herself, so maybe they should leave before Derek gets there. There's a knock at the door. Stuart questioningly calls her name. After a moment of indecision, she answers the door. It's Derek, of course. He rushes in when she answers -- he came right over because she said it was an emergency. He asks Stuart if he's all right. [So we're to believe that Derek stopped his frenzied hunt for Arlene and/or necklace thieves to go to the ocean because Hayley called him and said it was an "emergency". Uh-huh.] Hayley blurts out that she murdered her mother, giving the how and why. She ends with "And that's--" Adam bursts in and finishes her sentence, saying: "That's a LIE!!!" Adam: "Derek, my daughter is ill. She's been confused. She's disassociating. And you have to ignore what she just said because it's patently untrue!" Hayley: "Stop it! Let me talk!" Adam: "Hayley, you don't know what you're saying!" Hayley: "The HELL I don't! For the first time in MONTHS, I'm actually telling the TRUTH! There's nothing you can do to make it better, Dad. NO ONE can." She turns back to Derek and calmly says: "I killed Arlene. I killed my own mother." She falls back into Adam's arms from the strain and relief of finally telling Derek the truth.

Adam continues to assert that Hayley doesn't know what she's talking about and says she won't talk without a lawyer present. She says she does know. Adam blusters about Mateo not being there and "letting" her do this. Stuart urges Adam to let her talk, since NOT letting her talk is what made her sick in the first place. Adam is frustrated, but knows he has to give in. He watches in pain as Hayley sits down to detail her crime up to the point where she and Mateo went back to where she strangled Arlene, but Arlene's body was gone. Adam leaps back into it and insists that Hayley CONCOCTED this RIDICULOUS story! He insists Arlene got up and walked away under her own steam. Hayley rolls her eyes and sighs.

Hayley yells at Adam that she did NOT conCOCT the story and Arlene most CERTAINLY did not get up and WALK off the boat after she STRANGLED her to death! Adam yells more about lawyers. Derek ignores him and asks about the note sent everyone. Adam jumps in again and says Hayley is SICK! Hayley says she was confused then, but she is very clear NOW. She tries to explain about how SHE sent the notes. She insists that Arlene is dead. Adam cuts in again and says the HE found a pulse. He didn't care if she had a pulse, he picked her up and threw her overboard ANYWAY. HE is the murderer! He and Hayley continue to argue over the version of the story and Adam insists that Derek arrest HIM and leave Hayley there in care of Stuart, who is watching with deeply furrowed brows. Derek yells that that's ENOUGH. They all stare at Derek and Hayley folds her arms.

THE TURRET

Bianca has returned to the turret and tries to get Sarah to share the yogurt with her. Sarah says she CAN'T eat. Bianca doesn't push. Instead she brings out a book. Either the book or a poem in the book is called "Annabel Lee". Bianca starts reading it and urges Sarah to recite part of it, which they had both memorized in rehab. Sarah can't remember it. She's too tire and wants to fall asleep hearing Bianca. Bianca: "No! No, Sarah, you can't -- you can't go away from me! Sarah, I CAN'T do this alone! Sarah, I need you to try!" Sarah, who keeps fading in and out, weakly says: "There's nothing to try for, Bianca." Bianca: "No, no! I WON'T let you give up! Sarah, please! Sarah, you're SCARING me! Sarah, please don't give up now!"

Bianca BEGS Sarah to eat to keep up her strength. Sarah keeps saying there is no point. Sarah: "It's better this way. I feel better this way." She sighs and rolls her head to the side, closing her eyes. Bianca: "Sarah, it's your disease talking! Don't listen to the committee! Listen to me!" She cups Sarah's face in her hand and turns her face toward her. Bianca's voice is breaking as she says: "Sarah, look at me. Look at me let me help you. Please let me help you. I will do whatever I can to make you better, to make you stronger, and then we will face whatever is out there waiting for us together, ok?" Sarah: "But my whole life is a lie." Bianca: "No!" Sarah: "It's a lie, and that's all it'll ever be." Bianca: "No, Sarah, it wasn't a lie with ME!" Sarah: "It's too late." Bianca sits back and sighs at her impotence in the face of Sarah's anorexia and she suddenly realizes something: "Oh, God! Now I know how my mother felt when *I* was sick! Sarah -- I can't make you want to get better, but do you understand it's impossible for me to just sit by and watch someone I love give up?" Sarah fades out again. Bianca shakes her: "Sarah. Sarah, I'm going to have to take you to the hospital if you -- if you don't --" She cups Sarah's face and shakes her some more, trying to get her to stay conscious. Bianca: Sarah! Sarah! Sarah, please -- PLEASE!" The camera pans across the room to show Erica coming through the door and up the stairs as Bianca says: "Come on, Sarah, you got to try! You got to try for me! Please, Sarah. PLEASE!" Erica looks stunned. Erica walks slowly into the room and softly calls her name. Sarah is completely out now and Bianca turns her tear-streaked face to Erica, begging: " Mommy, help me -- help her! Please?"

A TROPICAL PARADISE

Reggae music plays as a blonde dressed in a swimsuit and sarong and wearing a HUGE straw hat picks up a large pineapple and manages to sip something through the tangle of paper umbrellas, leaves, flowers, etc., that adorn the top of it.

THE YACHT-O-NAUSEA

A JAIL

There's a LOT of light coming in windows and the walls look streaked with damp stuff, so I'm guessing this is NOT the PV jail. Adam and Hayley are behind bars in cells across the aisle from each other. Derek says that until he talks to the D.A., neither of them is going anywhere. Stuart stands in the aisle looking back and forth between them and saying that this is really SAD. Hayley asks Stuart to try and find Mateo and to call Liza for Adam. Stuart gives them an encouraging Stuartish grin and leaves. Although there is a guard standing right there, Adam calls out to Hayley and says they have to get their stories straight -- they should tell it HIS way. She says she can't do it -- she HAS to tell the truth. She won't feel better knowing he's in prison for something SHE did. This is the ONLY way! He argues that it's NOT the only way. Hayley: "What life, Dad? What life? ... Dad, I lost any life I had when I killed my mother. It's over. I've done this to myself." She turns her back on him and retreats to the depths of her cell. Adam watches in futility.

MEANWHILE, BACK ON THE ISLAND PARADISE

The camera focuses on the feet of someone getting a pedicure. It lovingly pans up long tanned legs (jolting over the REALLY bony knee that has a dimple reminiscent of arthroscopic surgery), then continues on its journey to reveal Arlene, who is answering the waiter, correcting the Mrs. in her name to MISS -- MISS Katarin Smirnofski, like the vodka. She asks for a little splash of said vodka into her horny pineapple and asks when he could meet her ... when he GETS OFF, wink wink, nudge, nudge. She smiles coyly at him. He deflects the come-on for a moment and says she has a call. He hands her the phone, then tells her he gets off at 2:00. Arlene says hello and we hear Mrs. Woodward's snippy voice on the other end of the line: "I'm the one who bought your NECKLACE." Arlene: "How did you find me?" Mrs. Woodward: "Dear, if I have the money to buy a necklace like yours over the internet, do you really think finding you would be so difficult?" Arlene: "What do you want?" Mrs. Woodward: "Someone called me and asked where I got it." Arlene: "Who?" Mrs. Woodward: "He didn't say. Now, I was promised there would be no repercussions for this purchase!" Arlene: "Look, honey, there won't be. Just keep your yap shut, ok?" She hangs up and asks the reappearing cabana guy to ask the concierge to charter a yacht to another island -- far away from there -- off the MAP.

SHIP-O-OOZING-MACHISMO

Gillian and Jake return to the cabin and she whines that if he EVER cared about her, he would NOT stand in the way of this divorce now. He says he's NOT going to give up this baby. He's sorry she's having morning sickness -- she can tell Dr. Clader when she goes for her first visit. [Am I the only one surprised that he hasn't tackled her yet and whipped out a speculum to do a pelvic exam?] He stalks out. She whines that she CAN'T tell Ryan this -- she CAN'T. She grabs a piece of paper and writes him a note saying that she has to go away. Then she crumples it up and says "No, I don't!" She takes it with her as she runs up the stairs and out the door. Ryan bops back in, missing her by inches, yet totally unaware that she's just slammed the door. He throws up his hands, wondering where she is. Jake comes back in the other door to get his gloves and Ryan questions him about Gillian's whereabouts. Jake wearily says he doesn't know. Ryan asks if Jake said something to upset her. Jake: "I'm outta here." Disgusted, he starts to leave. Ryan yells: "You want to hear another good idea? Don't come back!" Jake turns back, oozing proprietary machismo: "You know, I'm afraid that's not possible, Ryan." Ryan walks over to Jake, oozing proprietary machismo: "What are you trying to pull here, Jake? Do I need to slap a restraining order on you to keep you away from Gillian?" Jake: "You know what, man? I don't give a damn what you think you're going to slap on me, all right? You're not going to keep me out of Gillian's life as long as she's pregnant with my child!" Ryan stares, dumbfounded [although I'm pretty sure dumb found him a long time ago].

ON THE NEXT AMC:

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In the turret, Ryan breathily confronts Gillian: "You're going to have a baby." Gillian looks at him with dread.

At the hospital, Bianca pulls from Erica's hug as she sees a woman standing near the nurses' station and says: "Sarah's mother! What's she doing here?" Erica: "I called her."

In a courtroom, Hayley stands and says: "I would like to waive my rights and accept my punishment. Adam watches her disbelieving that he can't stop her.

Muscular hands are massaging Arlene's neck, but they suddenly close in around it. [Arlene gasps in shock] Mateo leans over the back of her chair and says: "It's SO good to see you, Arlene."

Irreverently submitted,

Robin "they should have played Shaba Ranks singing 'Mr. Bombastic' while Arlene came on to the cabana guy" Coutellier