Friday Update
August 24, 2001

PREVIOUSLY ON ALL MY CHILDREN

Liza and Ryan are rolling around (naked) in bed on the yacht, but, startled, face front and center when Adam walks in. He looks somewhat startled, too.

At Gillian's funeral, Hayley tells Mateo she just wants to protect their baby for as long as they can.

In Brooke's Tempo office, Leo tells Greenlee that she's so desperate it's EMBARRASSING. She shoots back that SHE'S not desperate, but HE is ... for HER! She grabs his face and pulls him down for passionate kisses.

SANTOS CONDO

Mateo is on the phone thanking someone as Hayley watches. He hangs up and wonders why she's there (home). Apparently his mother just dropped her off. He says she should have come in, because he has great news -- Shannon confessed to bonking [not to mention boinking] Marcus. He tells her that it was self-defense, though, because Marcus was apparently beating her. Hayley asks if he hurt Rosa. Mateo doesn't know. Gabriel and Rosa should be cleared, though, as soon as Derek gets a statement from Shannon.

Hayley says Isabella probably isn't home yet, since she's lighting candles in church [KEEP RYAN AWAY FROM THE CHURCH!] Mateo talks about a nice a dinner (to which Isabella will be invited). Hayley says she has great news of her own regarding the baby.

After calming him down and reassuring him that everything is okay, Hayley happily tells Mateo that Dr. Clader says she's fully effaced and asks if he remembers what that is from Lamaze class. He remembers that it means she's about to go into labor. [It means the cervix has been squashed--er--flattened and is ready to start dilating] In fact, she's dilated 1 centimeter -- 9 more to go! [Her baby-lump has "dropped" so low I'm surprised it's not scraping the floor] She coaches him through breathing :-) He practically heaves her onto the couch to "relax" (hard enough that she says "OUCH!"). She pops back up, saying the doctor told her to stay active to help bring on labor, hinting that sex would be a great way to stay active. He hesitantly asks if that would hurt the baby. She says no, but chances are it could hurt HIM :-) He apologizes for not going with her to the doctor, and she reassures [my word for the day] him that it's FINE, just stay close, because they could be parents by this time tomorrow. [Does this mean they've redecorated Max's room?] Hayley: "Scary, huh?" Mateo: "No. We're not going to be YOUR parents." She's glad Rosa will be home [big assumption there] -- she wants the baby to FEEL the family. They hug and laugh. Hayley waddles around the room as Mateo talks about how he's going to tell the baby how lucky HE is to have Hayley as a mother. Hayley says she plans to do the same thing when she gives HER the journal she's been keeping (which Mateo, ever observant, knows nothing about). The journal shows all of their hopes and dreams and fears for the baby. They fret over the fact that they still don't have a name for the baby. [I fret about the smear on my laptop screen from the tiny bug I just squashed]

Hayley is busy dusting furniture as Mateo gets off the phone with his mom, who is down at the police station. Rosa called Father Tony and now she's waiting for Shannon to give her statement to Derek. She doesn't want to both Hayley & Mateo. Hayley squirts the furniture and breathlessly says Mateo has to go down there to be with her! He says no way -- what if she goes into labor. She says there's plenty of time -- Dr. Clader says first babies usually take their time. She plops down to rest. She PROMISES he'll be the first to know if she goes into labor. She insists he go down to be with Rosa because she NEEDS him. He says SHE needs him and besides, they have unfinished baby business. He brings over the giant jar of baby names and she fishes one out. Hayley closes her eyes and hands him the paper with the name on it. Mateo looks at it, gulps and tells her that if it's a boy, his name will be ... he hands her the note and she grimaces as she says: "REGIS?" Neither of them look too happy at the choice as upbeat, oh-this-is-just-silly music plays.

PV PARK

Brooke and Laura sit on a park bench and Laura shows her a nameplate with Leo's name on it. Laura frets that Leo might not have taken the job if he were "alone". Brooke reassures her that he's really getting into it, likes the pace and has great instincts. Brooke is sure Leo can take WHATEVER is thrown at him. Laura beams.

Brooke and Laura talk about how good Leo is at making people laugh. Laura tells Brooke SHE should try falling in love some time. In the background, a man plays catch with a kid that's about 2' away from him. Brooke: "Yeah. I'll just take my net and go out there and trap a perfect man for me. That's what I'll do!" [Shades of the 'The Brooke Game' -- follow the link to the game from http://www.onceupon.org/babe/brooke.htm! It's a little out of date, but the classics NEVER die -- Thanks Ashley L-M!] Brooke offers to drive Laura to the office so she can give Leo his new gift. Brooke offers her office for privacy. She reminds her to take her medicine. Laura says Leo always reminds her. Brooke is ADAMANT that SHE, Laura, has to remember -- within the hour! Laura tells her not to worry. Brooke coddles her. They jump up to leave and run into Myrtle and Bianca out for a stroll. Brooke and Myrtle smile, but Laura is cold toward a very uncomfortable Bianca. Bianca's been taking Myrtle to the doctor. Myrtle says she's just fine, just a summer bug that's going around. [She's been getting these little spells for a while now -- DEFINITELY foreshadowing -- to their credit, AMC has actually doing this foreshadowing gradually over at least a couple of months now, instead of a sudden malaise and instant medical drama] Myrtle seems a little perplexed by the deep freeze and Brooke's (less obvious) coolness. Bianca looks apprehensive. Brooke and Laura say stilted goodbyes and leave. Laura practically knocks Bianca over, yet just manages to miss her, COMPLETELY ignoring her.

Bianca and Myrtle sit on the bench. Bianca looks crushed. Myrtle twitters about how nice and healthy Laura looks. She only now notices that Bianca is troubled. She says she noticed that Bianca and Laura didn't say a word to each other. Bianca glumly says "Not anymore." [Her pendant is prominently displayed for the best merchandising angle] Bianca says Laura can't stand her anymore. Myrtle doesn't believe it for one second! What happened? Bianca pitifully says: "What always happens -- I get close to somebody, too close, and they push me away, and I'm left all alone again." [Oh boo-hoo!] Myrtle side-hugs her. Bianca turns to look to the other side, but it's not clear if she's actually seeing anything in particular.

BROOKE'S TEMPO OFFICE

Leo momentarily gives in to the passionate kissing with Greenlee, but then yanks away and steps back, his mouth a grim line. Greenlee is absolutely GLOWING with sexual excitement! Like Obi Wan Kenobi, Greenlee firmly tells him: "Now, Leo, you TELL Erica that you've changed your mind, that you don't want me shipped off to Paris." He asks what she'll do if he doesn't do what she tells him. Greenlee: "I'll kiss you again. I'll wear down your resistance till you're powerless. I'll do it in front of your WIFE." He challenges her to go ahead and kiss him in front of Laura -- it would be SO like her, wouldn't it?

Leo asks if she would really do that. Greenlee: "Test me." Leo: "Because that's your game, right, Greenlee? Zapping Laura where it hurts the most? Erica offers you this great gig, but instead of popping champagne corks, you crash my space -- mine and Laura's!" She says he can always kick her out. He says he TRIED that, but she stamped her feet and accused him of plotting to get her out of town. She says HE's the one who wants her to disappear because he can't handle how much he wants her and that she's moved on with her life with Jake. Leo: "Greenlee, if you're so moved on, why are you in my face every five minutes? I didn't fix it so that Erica would airmail you overseas!" He accuses her of twisting the knife every chance she gets because she can't stand the fact that he's found a life with someone else. She's trying to wear Laura down until she breaks her heart, which won't take much. Leo: "That's always been your best event, right, Greenlee? Overkill?" He muses that it's one of the things he used to love about her. Now it just makes me SICK. Leo leans in close and says: "You hear that, Greenlee? You DISGUST me!" Greenlee stares at him with dead eyes.

She gulps, then blinks back tears as she asks him to take it back. Leo relents and says he doesn't want to do this. He doesn't want it to be like this between them. He says she comes on like gangbusters (Laura opens the door to the office at this point) and says half the time he doesn't think even SHE knows what she's saying. [Oh NO!!! Greenlee is wearing a necklace with something dangling from it! You know what THAT means!] Laura slowly steps back into the hall and slowly closes the door, but listens outside. Leo: "It seems like the only way to shut you up --" Greenlee: "Is to tell me what you really think about me. I'm glad you did. It was a real revelation. I had no idea that you HATED me so much." Leo: "I don't hate you. You know I don't." She stares. Laura stands in the hall and staring out into nothing and breathing shallowly.

After the mid-show commercials, Greenlee and Leo stare at each other some more. The both step closer, looking deeply into each other's eyes. The door opens and Brooke breaks the mood by loudly saying: "ExCUSE me!" She sticks her nose in the air [okay, maybe it's just because she has to look so far up to see his face] and looks accusingly at Leo. Leo tells her that Greenlee has a problem. Brooke: "Apparently!" He tells her that Greenlee says that Erica wants to transfer her to Paris and she says that Brooke and he are behind it. Brooke looks askance: "Really?" With his hands n his pockets, he says he told Greenlee that he had nothing to do with it -- what about her? Brooke flatly says she knows nothing about it. What gave Greenlee the impression that she did? Greenlee: "Nothing. That's what we've come down to -- nothing." She sashays out and slams the door.

Brooke asks Leo what's going on. He says she KNOWS what's going on here -- she went to Erica and pressured her to get Greenlee out of town. With her arms crossed, Brooke rolls her eyes and says NO ONE pressures ERICA. He tells her not to deny it, just UNDO it -- he wants everyone off of Greenlee's back, INCLUDING her. Brooke bobs her head with an "Oh yeah, like THAT's going to happen!" gesture.

Brooke admits that she asked Erica to have Greenlee transferred as far from Pine Valley as possible. Leo asks if she thinks he can't handle Greenlee [I think his handling Greenlee is the whole point here]. She says that marriage can be difficult under the BEST of circumstances and Greenlee being in the mix just adds to the confusion and the stress. Greenlee just doesn't know when to give up and she thinks she can wear Leo down. Brooke doesn't want her upsetting Laura. Brooke pulls the old "wait until YOU have kids" and want to protect them. Leo says that now it's HIS job to protect Laura and make her feel safe and loved, but they can't punish GREENLEE for that. She's gone through a lot, too, what with her uncaring parents who push her off to the side all the time. Brooke wryly tells him to remind her to tell him the story about when her parents shipped her off to live with Aunt Phoebe and she thought she was living on the other side of the moon. He says that maybe then she CAN understand and cut Greenlee some slack. Brooke relents a little and tells him she doesn't want him to think that his mother- in-law is some kind of unfeeling ogre. She promises to call Erica and tell her to forget about transferring Greenlee. He thanks her. She starts to leave for a board meeting, but stops and asks him if he got his nameplate present from Laura. She was on her way up to give it to him earlier. He says it's weird, because she never showed.

THE FIDELITY

Once again, the Fidelity harbors just the opposite as Ryan is caught hoisting his petard to slip into Liza's dock. As Adam stares, Ryan puffs out his buffed (not to mention waxed) chest and balances on his hands, thus minimizing ANY appearance of slouching. The L- shaped sheet is, of course, up to Ryan's waist, but Liza's chest as Liza stares open-mouthed at her husband. Adam slams the door, calls Ryan [I THINK he meant Ryan] a thieving SOB and heads toward the bed.

Liza, still in bed, manages to pull on a robe [where the hell did THAT come from?] an keeps yelling at Adam as he starts to strangle Ryan [Adam's been doing that a LOT lately] Ryan kicks him off and across the room. Liza stands and ties the robe belt. Ryan stays in bed as Adam lambastes him. He says he never COULD trust Ryan! Ryan says he's never denied that. Adam accuses him of leaning on his wife [if you think that was "leaning", you need to put your glasses on] since Gillian died, trying to make Liza feel sorry for him. Adam: "Because I pulled the plug on your little company. Your sinking, FAT, STUPID SINKHOLE! [THANK you!] Liza tells Adam to leave Ryan alone. Adam is spitting with anger as he yells at her that Ryan "orchestrated this little seduction for the SOLE PURPOSE OF GETTING BACK AT ME!!!" Ryan is trying to get dressed and has managed to put his pants on. He picks up his shirt, but Adam yanks it away from him and slaps it into Ryan's face. Adam, disheveled, yells at Ryan that he went a step too far this time! Liza leans forward and clearly enunciates as she tells Adam: "Ryan didn't seduce me. I seduced him! I wanted HIM." Adam's head jerks around and he says: "You wanted HIM? Are you saying this was YOUR idea?" Liza: "Yes." Adam: "Liza -- how COULD you?" Liza: "How could YOU? My wedding vows were already broken -- by YOU." She glares at him. He looks stunned, and his shoulders droop ever so slightly in defeat.

She asks if he remembers the day David's charges were dismissed. He says it was the day she went to Hawaii. She informs him she never got on the plane -- she ran into J.R. at the airport, running away from home. Ever the caring stepmother, she says that to this day she doesn't know why [and doesn't seem to care, either]. She DOES know that she and J.R. saw the television at the airport and the announcement that the charges against David had been dropped, with the honorable Kaye Campobello presiding. She did a little calculation, then went to the courthouse and HEARD him in Kaye's chambers -- she heard the two of them together. He SLEPT with Kaye to get the charges dropped! (During this little confrontation, Ryan is resting his head on the dresser, trying not to be a part of it) Adam: "Liza, let me EXPLAIN." Liza: "Please do -- about the farce at the Sleepy Hollow Inn when I stumbled across your love nest." Adam sheepishly smiles and says it wasn't LIKE that. Liza: "How was it?" She's pictured them between the sheets. Liza: "Betray your wife, get the charges dropped ..." He says it's more complicated than that. Liza: "I just want to hear you say it [that he slept with Kaye] in your own words." He yells at the giant fly on the dresser to GET OUT! Ryan comes back to life and says he doesn't want to leave Liza alone in the room with Adam. Liza tells Ryan Adam can't hurt her any more than he already has. Adam looks horribly guilt-ridden -- devastated, in fact. Ryan says he'll be in the salon [perching on rotting fruit and flying into lightbulbs] if he needs her.

Adam snorts and closes his eyes with hurt, then asks how she could go to bed with that USER! Liza looks grim. She says they aren't talking about HER -- they're talking about HIM and his Lady Judge. Adam is nearly crying as he says: "YES. I had SEX with her." Liza turns around and starts to make the bed. He gently begs her to let him explain. She snaps the sheets. He says he did it to help J.R. David has a videotape of J.R. admitting he stole drugs from David's hotel room. He was blackmailing Adam with it. Liza puts a mint on the pillow and stalks across the room, ranting: "NO! You know what he needed? You know EXACTLY what he needed? He needed to know that there were consequences to his actions. He needed to know that mistakes are something you're RESPONSIBLE for! But we haven't set very fine examples for him, now, have we, Adam? Control? Control is your drug of CHOICE! No matter what, you will sacrifice ANYTHING to get it. Now Liza looks devastated as she says: "This time ... you sacrificed US!" Adam swallows and stares at what he has lost.

In the salon, Ryan doesn't quite finish buttoning his shirt, stomps around the room, then picks up some knick-knack and slams it into the wall, shattering it. Naturally, Mia walks in on this little display of temper. [Apparently Ryan is auditioning for a men's version of the talking belly-button commercial, because no matter how he moves, his belly-button shows.] Mia suggests deep breathing exercises. He sneers: "Oh, yeah, YOU got it all together!" Mia: "Jeez, who sneezed in YOUR corn flakes?" She's there to get her gear since she found another place to crash. He says he's on his way out himself. She asks why and he says he made a mistake -- Adam caught him and Liza in bed together. She assumes he's feeling guilty now, but he denies it. He's MAD at himself! Ryan: "I'm kicking myself because I knew after the first time that I slept with Liza, I should've cut out of here, but I got CAUGHT UP! [Oh PUH- LEASE!!! You and Liza didn't "sleep together" -- you crashed into each other in the woods and f**ked like it was some cheesy plot (or lack thereof) in a porn video!] He swore that after Gillian he'd never let anyone else get to him. When they cut her heart out, they should have cut his out too! Her eyes tear up for a moment in sympathy, then she walks over to the bar, unsheathes a knife from a red leather container and holds it up to him, says: "Well, HERE! Let's put you out of your misery." He looks at her and snorts. Then stares with seemingly uncaring eyes. [Mia is wearing huge hoop earrings -- OH NO!!! You know what THAT means!]

The camera focuses on the knife [which is, no doubt, for sale]. Mia taunts Ryan and says that if he has heartache, they should cut it out. He grabs the knife and hurls it across the room. She says he was just blowing smoke, then and just wanted her to feel sorry for him. He says he doesn't need ANYTHING from her -- pity, conversation -- NOTHING! She continues to be a snot and says: "GOOD because I don't really feel sorry for you. I mean, YOU made the choice. You slept with another guy's WIFE. Boo-hoo! Life is tough!" He asks what the hell she's talking about. She starts her own pity-party by saying: "I'm talking about SURVIVAL. It's not all it's cracked up to be, is it? You know, I don't really feel sorry for people after they're dead. I mean, why the hell should I? THEY don't have any problems. It's us guys who get left BEHIND to pick up the pieces. When did *I* sign on for this soul-sucking job anyway?" She says she's been looking for a way out since the day she was born. [I offer to show her the gangplank, but she ignores me. Bitch.] Ryan ponders this as she pouts and runs out of the room.

Meanwhile, back in the stateroom that's seen more sex than a room at the Mustang Ranch, a standing Adam tells a sitting Liza that he loves her and he loves their marriage. She asks if he was thinking of HER when he jumped into bed with the judge. In all seriousness, he asserts: "YES, DAMN IT!" He hated deceiving her. She looks anguished as she asks: "But it was worth it? Trashing our wedding vows was a small price to pay for bailing your son out of trouble." He says he had a DECISION to make! She says he made it. He tells her he thinks their marriage can survive this. Liza: "You know what I think? I think that you're plotting revenge and you're going to get back at Ryan. I think you're going to pull out the scorecards and you're going to mark us even." Adam sits on the bed next to her. She distastefully eyes his presence. Adam: "I think you're the one that's keeping score. I know I've hurt you, so you got BACK at me with Ryan." Liza stands up and faces him, saying: "Ryan was NOT about payback." Adam bites back his recriminations and stoically says: "All right, whatever it was, I'll get over it. I'll leave Ryan alone. I'll keep the focus on us. That's where it should be -- on our marriage and our survival. Liza! We both know that we're no good without each other!" She shifts her weight and seems to be fighting the impulse to give in. With tears in his eys, Adam wrenchingly tells her: "I LOVE you, and I know you still love ME! And I know that we can get past this and go on together!" She glares at him. Adam: "So tell me that you want us to go on, that you believe in us, that we have a future together!" She looks at him like he's speaking in tongues.

PV PARK

Bianca fills Myrtle in on why Laura hates her now. Everyone knows Leo is still in love with Greenlee and that Laura and Leo are not right for each other. He just married her to SAVE her life! Now they are stuck. Laura is trying to convince herself otherwise and she thinks Bianca is trying to break them up because she wants Laura for herself. Myrtle asks if it's true. Bianca says she doesn't think so. She made a big mistake by butting into L&L's life, and Brooke was right -- she needs to get a life of her own. Myrtle assures her that her intentions were for the best. Bianca fingers her locket and says the next time someone asks her for advice, she's just not going to say a word. Myrtle reverently holds the locket in her open hand and the camera zooms in, the better to advertise it: "This -- this locket, this LOVELY locket -- you'll always swear by it?" Bianca: "It was a gift from my dad to my mom on my birthday - - the day I was born. [...] And when Daddy died, mom gave it to me and I always wear it to feel close to him." Myrtle: "I bet I know why he chose it. The moment you were born, he knew what a beautiful heart you possessed." Bianca says she doesn't know about THAT. Myrtle says Bianca's heart goes out to people -- that's not being nosy, it's because she CARES! Bianca wonders if you can care TOO much. Myrtle says sometimes it's difficult NOT to care. Some people don't want to hear what you have to say, but the smart ones are grateful. Bianca blinks back tears of gratitude and hugs her. Myrtle and Bianca leave to go home, have tea and let their hair down.

About .25 seconds after they leave, Laura rushes into the park, stumbling into a water fountain, gasping for air (but still carrying her shopping bags). She gasps Leo's name, leans on the fountain for support for a few moments, then goes to the bench and partially reclines. Her bag drops to the ground and Leo's nameplate falls out, breaking the metal nameplate away from the wood it was mounted on. Laura is horrified. [Broken nameplate = broken dreams, I guess. I think it means vastly inferior glue was used to put it together.]

THE FIDELTY

The Chandlers are still thrashing out their mutual infidelity. Liza: "So this is how it works -- you cheat, I cheat. One cancels the other out." Adam: "I can get past you sleeping with Ryan." Liza: "Oh! How LARGE of you. How ... MAGNANIMOUS of you that you have it in your heart to forgive ME!" He says he's not trying to downplay this. She says he shouldn't -- he was UNFAITHFUL to her. He says he had NO CHOICE WHATSOEVER and he cares NOTHING for Judge Campobello -- it was a means to an end. She asks if that's supposed to MEAN something to her -- is she supposed to feel RESPECT for him because of that? Adam says he did what he had to do to protect his son. Liza: "And I did what I did because it's what I wanted to do." Adam, humbled, say: "All right. I know I hurt you, and I know you wanted to get back at me, so you used Ryan this once." After a short silence, Liza says: "It was more than once. I didn't know you were coming home tonight. I thought this evening was just an evening for me and Ryan." She swings around to glare at him with a "take THAT" look. Adam fights down his initial response and says it's all right -- it's something she had to get out of her system, but it's over now. Liza: "How do you know it's over?" Adam perks up a bit: "You feel NOTHING for Ryan!" Liza, deadly cold and poisonous: "You ASSUME I feel nothing for Ryan." Adam grits his teeth: "You do NOT care for Ryan. You do NOT have feelings for Ryan. *I* am the one you love. Only ME. TELL me, Liza. Tell me that Ryan means NOTHING to you!" Liza glares at him with hurt, slitted eyes and a grim mouth.

SANTOS CONDO

In their continuing barrage of on-show advertising, Hayley holds up the card suggesting the name of REGIS for the baby so that the camera can zoom in on it. Hayley vehemently declares that they can't name this baby REGIS! She stuffs it back into the jar. Mateo asks why not. Hayley: "Because it sounds like a hotel! Because it breaks the double consonant law!" Mateo: "The what?" Hayley: "Double consonant law -- the last letter of your first name and the first letter of your last name can't be the same. RegissssSantos -- it sounds all run together. Plus, plus, what will we call him for short -- Reege? Reegie?" Mateo suggests Regina. Hayley gives him a dark look. They decide to wait until they see the baby and figure it out. She again brings up his going to the police station to be with his family. He doesn't want to leave her. She says she's not even having contractions -- she's going to do some major nesting, like wallpapering the bathroom and scrubbing the floors. He is aghast until she assures him that she's kidding. He has a cell phone and pager and she'll contact him ASAP if something happens, but if he stays there staring at her she'll EXPLODE! [Considering all the explosions they've been in, is that really the best choice of words?] They coo. Then Mateo leans down to her belly and coos to the baby: "I looove yoouuuu Reeeeege!" Hayley yells at him to GET OUT! He makes more suffocating gestures and she yells again for him to GET OUT! Hayley rubs her belly and her back and asks the baby what's with the kicking -- she reassures it that she's going to find it a NICE name. She chides the baby again for kicking so painfully. Then she half-doubles over holding her belly. She looks at the door and Mateo's non-presence in a panic, then sinks to the couch, realizing it wasn't a kick, but a contraction. She breathes hard.

BROOKE'S TEMPO OFFICE

Leo rushes back into Brooke's office and breathlessly tells her that there's no sign of Laura anywhere in the building. Brooke, on the phone with Zora, says: "Oh my GOD!" She tells Zora she's not going to panic and she wants Zora to keep the phone line clear in case Laura tries to call. She'll call Zora if she hears anything. Leo asks about the "Oh my GOD" part. Brooke says Laura left her meds at the house and was supposed to have taken them 1/2 hour ago. Missing doses could totally screw up her heart. Leo calls Laura on her cell phone [didn't Brooke think of that?] They just hear ringback.

PV PARK

The camera focuses on Leo's broken nameplate and the fallen shopping bags on the ground. Shoes walk up. The shoes are some kind of animal print strappy sandals with about 9-inch heels [you could ONLY find these torturous shoes in fetish catalogues] The camera pans up to Greenlee's face. She realizes the ringing phone is coming from a purse on the bench. She bends over to answer it. She doesn't say anything, though. Leo: "Hello? Laura, is that you?" Greenlee almost says something, but then closes her mouth.

THE FIDELITY

Adam demands an answer from Liza. He starts shaking her and ordering her to tell him that Ryan doesn't mean anything to her and she's just using him to get back at HIM! She yanks out of his grip and orders him to let go -- he's HURTING her! She storms a few feet away. Back to his old (not so humble) self, he grabs her arms again and yells, ordering her to answer and tell him how many times she slept with Ryan -- once? Twice? Liza: "OW! LET ME GO!" Ryan comes into the room as Adam yells: "Was it three times?" [How many of you could resist hearing a "Unce...Tice...Fee Times A Mady", if not Lionel Ritchie?] Ryan grabs Adam and spins him around. Adam's hair flies out, making him look like Doc Brown in 'Back to the Future'. The two men start to go at it, mostly just shaking and yanking at each other. Liza yells at them to stop it, but then faints. The men stop their duck swinging long enough to get on the floor and see what's going on.

ON THE NEXT ALL MY JEWELRY:

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Hayley exuberantly tells someone on the phone: "I -- I'm in LABOR!" She laughs with exhilaration and maybe a little bit of panic.

Leo, on the phone to Greenlee: "Are you trying to KILL Laura?" Greenlee: "Are you for real?" Leo: "So help me, Greenlee, if anything's happened to her, I'm going to come after YOU!"

Sitting on the edge of the bed in the stateroom Adam gently says: "Liza, are you pregnant?" Liza stares. Ryan get's an "Uh-oh" look on his face.

Irreverently submitted,

Robin "well, there goes a perfectly good pre-owned heart!" Coutellier